hugoy

Read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I'm doing the same and it does shed some light on the alien species!!!

She has told me (in her won words) all she wanted was to be loved!!! And if i was in her shoes it would look like "wow this guy is and has done all this for me - he must love me!" ??? ( i dont get it??) The new guy she is seeing was from my work (he has left now). This guy did showed some interest in her b4 we split. I think she has gone for him becasue she couldnt and didnt want to go through the pain of sorting us out. But (and i know this guy) he is a jerk - i think i feel sorry for her that she gets over hurting by going to the arms of someone else, no matter who that person might be. She has told me she can never trust me again - and that hurts because apart from this one instance i have gone out of my way to be staright down the line with her becasue she had been cheated on b4!!!!

Ok, this is gonna take some explaining so please bear with me... I have spent the best part of a year with a wonderful girl. This girl brought sunshine into my life in a way i could never imagine. However about 6 weeks ago she finished the relationship on the basis that she felt she could not trust me anymore to tell her i loved her and that i meant it. In the beginning... The first 6-7 months of our relationship were cosmic - we were both so passionate over each other, laughed and had wonderful intimate moments together. In hindsight i can see that she made a lot of sacrifices for me and was prepared to make many more. (i spent 6 months leaving my ex whom i lived with - she knew this and accepted the situation). Though she made a lot of sacrifices for me she never actually came out and told me specifically what feelings she had for me. However in the summer, we had to spend 3 weeks apart due to holiday and exams. Communication was difficult in this period and we communicated no more than 6 times. When we eventually met up again things had changed for both of us. She said she no longer wanted to be with me because we couldnt have a normal relationship and she deserved more. I also over this period had come to terms with my true feelings for her and told her i was madly in love with her, and that i was moving out my ex. This turned around her decision and we remained together. However she changed after this time. She became less affectionate, and seemed to regard us more as friends than as lovers. Initially i thought this was just a getting back into the groove period. But after 2 weeks it started to do my head in and i asked her why she had changed. Her reply was that she had to protect herself and she didnt want to expose herself totaly only to get hurt by me. Fair enough - i understood this caution. However i did explain to her that i loved the full person she was before the 3 weeks and not the half person she appeared to be now. Time went on. The Ex left and we started on the road to a normal relationship - spending long evenings and weekends together etc... The weekends were wonderful. We had waited almost 8 months for this point and for it finally to come was magical. However the withdrawn approach continued although showed signs of starting to fade. After one magical weekend, she asked me again did i love her and she wanted a straight answer. At this moment i was angry with her. We had spent a great weekend together and she was asking me to tell her when i did not know in plain english her feelings towards me. I answered that i thought the world of her and worshipped her but i loved the person she was b4 the 3 week gap not the half person she appeared to be now. This did not go down well. The next couple of days were spent rowing. It was horrible. By the 3rd day, i realised that i had lost the power to convey my feelings accuratley and in fact i did love her but found it difficult to cope with how she had been acting. To me to tell someone i love them is to sxpose me fully and i felt that it wasnt reciprocated and thereforeeee she was weakening me. Now she was really confused. She said she could not understand how i could chop and change my view on such an important issue. Now she didnt know if she could trust me or not if i told her this again. Many hours we spent debating this issue and i did my best to convince her that i was genuine. But it seemed the more i tried to convince her the more she couldnt accept it. In the end it was too much and was the reason she finished it. I was destroyed. I am so so so in love with this girl and to think that i have blown it is cutting me deep. I have been to counselling to try and understand more why i was unable to express my self correctly and told her all this but she cannot forgive. She has moved on now and is seeing someone new. But i am still going over the issue - was what i really done so so bad, or is she being unreasonable not forgiving me??? Everyone says to tell someone you dont love them is a cardinal sin - and i know that now but i feel i have done everything to convince her to believe me. Please help....

It is always very difficult to just goto NC after a relationship. Whether you are the dumper or the dumped, going from a full relationship to nothing is a real shock. Are you absolutley sure he knows why it is over? If he hasnt had full closure then he will need to be put straight. Notice i say whether he thinks he has had full closure. Sometimes you might think you have said enough but in fact he's thinking there are still questions/doubts/opinions that need to concluded. The fact that he is chasing you is easy for you to push him away - but how would you feel if he had just got on with the decision and was even now seeing someone else!!! - would you still be so strong??? From what you write sounds like you still feel alot for him...are you sure there is no way to rebuild the relationship? Right now its easy to think of all the negativity but there must have been loads of positive stuff for you to have got into a relationship...!!!

I was diagnosed with depression a month ago. It took a lot of bottle to accept i needed to see the doc. But when i went he was really sympathetic and understanding. There is no shame in going to the doc about this. One thing i would advise is caution if they prescribe you anti depressants - ask your doc a lot of questions about these before you decide to go on them. You know the best thing i found to clearing my head is exercise - be it as little as taking the dog for a run (not a walk). The release of endorphins really lifts you. The other important thing to do is talk thro your concerns with people close to you - you'll probably find they have all had some experience of depression in their lives.

A word of advise here Pal. The girl i was seeing recently split from me cause i had said something to her and she felt she couldnt trust me again - she too said she needed time to think. All that happened is another guy started showing some interest in her and she opted for him because then she doesnt have to go through the upset and emotion of trying to sort us out. So fella, word of advise... dont wait for her to make the first move. If there is a particualr issue that is the obstacle then do something about it quick but tell her or discuss with her what you are going to do. Keep her informed what you are doing and make sure she knows you are doing it for her..this will help comfort her on how much you mean to her. Dont harass her with calls etc, just show some caring, some understanding and some loving. Be prepared to do a lot of kissing butt but dont let it go so far that she thinks youre not the person anymore she fell in love with!!!! Good luck.

From a blokes point of view i can say making yourself look good to your ex does work!!! I went out with this girl and got back with her twice because when i bumped into her (and she would know when that was gonna be!) she looked a billion bucks. The thing you then have to consider though (and this is my experience) is will you be able to maintain this good-look if you got back with him. If this isnt the real you then the real you will eventually come back to the surface and he'll split with you again...do you want that??? Only you can answer that honestly. The better option is to feel good in body and mind for yourself and take satisfaction in the fact that your ex is missing out - ha ha!!! Good luck.

6 years is a long time. Even though you split 9 months ago you probably still know this person better than anyone. If you can try and avoid emotion and use imotion then you'll probably come up with the right answer!!! Then again you can always just ask him direct?!

I have recently split up from a wonderful girl who totally changed my world for the best part of a year. Before i met her i was content to take my life as is and that was my lot!!! Then this girl came into my life and she was stunning, intelligent, funny, sexy and full of energy. This energy infected me and i felt like a new person when i was with her. I knew i wanted more out of life than what i had and i wanted her to be a major part of that. I felt good about myself - felt confident, attractive and able to get anything in life i wanted. She then decided we should split, about a month a go and i did not take this news well. I do think the split was my fault i had lost touch with my feelings and couldnt express them to her in a way that reassured her and inevitably that was my downfall. But i have now had a breakdown, am on anti depressants and feel numb and empty. She has now moved onto a new fella which again is tough as it seems she has chosen to rebound onto someone else to avoid us trying to sort things out. I know shes gone and not coming back - but i cant help but feel i'm never gonna find anyone as wonderful as her again, and right now dont know if i even want to look. I dont know if i can/want to take the pain of being in love and loosing again. Maybe life is easier if you stay single??? Anybody got any words of wisdom???