11flower

LtA, I can't disagree with you as to your belief system. It's true about people. But you are coming on very strong to her, when she made herself vulnerable. I just want you to lighten up in the way you are saying what you're saying, esp. if you actually want to help this lady without beating her up verbally, which it could be easily taken that way. I had the same thing happen to me, a person commenting about a situation I made choices in. It beat me up verbally, didn't help at all. It obviously helped the poster though, and I thought it was stupid and insensitive of the person replying. You may have good intentions too, but I'd sure like you to get them accross in a way that doesn't push Lu. away, but makes L. want to accept what you've to offer her. She responded to my post so far. Hopefully, if you say it differently, she may want to think about what you're saying, rather than throw it out for the seeming lack of compassion your posts have shown, other than toward your take on cheating. 11f.

Hi LtA. We recently had a huge warning and discussion about attackful type replies. It doesn't help people to tell them your opinion, which is what it actually is because you don't still know the whole picture or the whole relationship, the history, and all details associated with the post as it was posted. The girl is asking for help and clarification. We don't have to destroy her in a spirit the way your post came accross. I know a lot of people who flirt with others because they're attractive. Sometimes it even gets too far, being the fallible human beings we all are and can be. Sometimes, the flirting means absolutely nothing and does nothing to threaten. Other times, flirting is a sign that tells us we need more from the relationship. We're all fallible and can make mistakes. What she's sounds she's trying to figure out is whether or not it actually was a mistake. She's voiced that she doesn't exactly feel good about it, which means she actually does have a conscience and cares about her bf's feelings. Let's lighten up now, eh? 11flower

It's just that you don't know that you saved me. I've somehow been freed from guilt all weekend, eating stuff well I never! Thanks, I needed that. 11flower

Maybe you could think about putting a bit of distance between you and your bf. Afterall, you aren't yet married, and you can still date others if you want to. If you were to just tell him where you're at, how you feel, how you've felt, but that you also want room to go out with others, he might get an idea of the true status of your guys' relationship. Maybe you could instead call it a good friendship or commraderie (sp?) rather than a steady no-go-out-with-others thing. 11f.

Sheesh, Aquabubbles! Like, OUCH! If this were a case I'd go to Social Services; they'd do something about it. 11F.

Miya, >So I make an excuse to myself why I had to eat that cake and ice cream. I'm saving someone else from eating it. LOL! 11flower

I don't know, there are some people who do seem to fall in love, or at least intense infatuation rather immediately. But for this guy to almost beg her, telling her almost that he can't live without her, crying, etc., is way too desperate. He's dependent on her to make him happy. Why isn't this clear? If she were to stand her ground and protect her boundaries, not following and conceding to his subtle rules, and he went and hurt himself, he'd blame her, maybe. There's a reason he's so desperate. He ignored her requests for him to leave when she was very sick and needed rest. What's he gonna ignore in the future? He may try to control everything. I've met guys who con, who manipulate emotions and know just what to say to women to "turn them on." Then, the same end up blaming the women and taking no responsibility for their actions or themselves. Sorry, the guy's a nutcase, or at least needs help, but not by this girl. Not a healthy situation for her, and could be, in fact, dangerous depending on the degree of this man's imbalance and co-dependence. Eeech, the handwriting's on the wall. 11flower

Keep talkin' all. Very good advice. Dear one, I suggest you listen to it. You really don't know what you're dealing with in this guy yet, it might be. The fact you have a check should tell you a lot. S2S is telling you right. This is true. Please, listen to all of the advice here. I've met a couple cons and he could easily be one, if not imbalanced as another poster said. I'd say brutally, lose him! 11flower

All excellent advice from everyone. I can't disagree at all. In this situation, I could see you could easily feeling very trapped, even imprisoned by this relationship. There would be a relationship that is all about him, more about him than the two of you. The fact that he did not acknowledge that you were sick and left because you needed rest tells you something. I knew someone personally whose husband told her that if she didn't marry him, he'd literally commit suicide because he couldn't live without her. Not too many years after they were married, he left her for another woman. Nope. I tend to be a pretty cautious person. You're you; but if it were me, as flattered as I'd be to be getting this sort of attention and seeming cherishing from someone, I'd drop him in a heartbeat permanently. You see, if you were to test this by actually dropping him, or I mean telling him you can no longer see him, watching his reaction, you'd know by that either way what you should do. 11flower

Frankly, I don't think it's boring to eat fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, etc. On the "Body For Life" program, you get one day off to eat what you want and not exercise! YEEEESSS! I have a VitaMix in which I whole-juice fruits and vegetables. Makes delicious veggie drinks that taste so good, esp. when you need an energy fix. Save the chocolate cake and icecream for Sundays. (I know, I shouldn't admit that though ;-D ) 11flower

DN, now that you mention it, that's how my parents met. They were both doing plays in a drama company. Amazing, isn't it? 11flower

You don't sound convinced that you're on track with the suggestions you made for yourself. Chilling is one thing. Treat yourself to something nice. Maybe that's what you need to do. 11flower

I know it's a personal thing, but since we don't actually know who you are if you want to follow up to let us know what the heck that was, maybe we'd all learn something. I'm in the medical field, but not an RN or Doc or like that. So, these things don't embarrass me at all. I take them quite clinically, if that makes sense. All for info. Thanks. 11flower

What is a theatre group? What do they do? Do they rehearse lines and practice acting? 11flower

Wow! All of you have such good points and suggestions. I'm not a newbie at exercise routines, and in fact have tried many things. It's just that this last year, after I'd stopped regularly practicing martial arts 2x week (which is an incredibly high-intensity workout--phew!), and working out several days a week, I've been sitting at computer studying. I also have 3 kids. Try to just workout more than 1 hourd/day when you have a family, your vocational training, fitness. And then you decrease workouts, as I did, and gained pounds. I recently took a body fat test. Well, too much fat. But 134 lbs lean mass. So, I've got some muscle, because I regularly lift weights. My cardio needs to increase. Anyway, RayKay, that's a wonderful fitness routine you have. Yes, I agree it's a lifestyle. I just decreased cardio, esp. after stopping martial training (where I'd lose 3 lbs just from sweating if I didn't die before the workout was over), I increased my sugar intake, decreased cardio and haven't been as disciplined about sweets. Anyway, that's WONDerful. You're more on the pro athlete side of things. Not me. I just want to work my butt off (pun intended, though my butt isn't as much a problem as the waist. Yeeeeuck! Globular. Ick. (We're our own worst critics ;-D ) The reason I want to lose 18 lbs is because I gained 20 over the last 1 1/2 yrs. You can't actually tell it, as I carry it everywhere, but esp. in the middle where it's globular, yucky, and just plain UUUGLY! 150 is an ideal weight for me. But I have lbs in muscle as well, and look pretty slim being that I'm 5' 7.5", on the taller side. I'd lose 25 if I could. I am walking about 25 minutes, power walking that is, 4.5 mph I think, per day. This is invigorating. The doc said I can't get into "activity" like that for another week. I also have to work into increasing intensity. I otherwise love to do Pilates, run, eliptic, cardio/kickbox videos, lift to 50 lbs at this time bench press and upper bod workouts. For me, it's the decrease of starches and sugars. I love wine and drink about 7 6 oz. per week. One doc said that's not too bad. It's the water weight it causes to increase! Soooo.... I heard Atkins worked for a gal-friend of my husbands at his work. Worked well for her. I have that book. Again, the Body For Life worked wonders for me, having done intervalic cardio training 3 days/week, then weight training 3 days/week. Weights took 1 hour per workout. Cardio took about 20 minutes excluding stretching time. I'm told that people better benefit, however, by doing cardio *after* working weights, as you need this fat for energy while working. After weights, then go do your cardio. But, whatever works and to each his/her own. Hugs to all and thank you, 11flower