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Enn

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Enn last won the day on July 13 2013

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  1. I know...and it's a rubbish feeling isn't it? But whenever I feel like that I move quickly to the thought that this is ALL I could do - I had no choice and now I'm doing everything right. (And I haven't even won anything on the stock market! ;-) )
  2. What you're doing! It sounds like you're doing really well to me.
  3. Do it! Go on - surprise yourself and him! How DARE he take you for granted. The ONLY way you will wake him up is if you're suddenly not there. It's TOO EASY for him at the moment. And God - say you did get together after this month; the balance of power is all wrong, it's like he's doing you a favour by even being around - misery will ensue. NO to that! We won't let you!!! If you even think about contacting him...tell us first! Sit on your hands...run round the block...built a full-scale model of Big Ben out of matchsticks but DO NOT contact him!
  4. Not exactly...because YOU can do that too! I know you are upset but this is madness. Stop it now! PLEASE! Listen to us! Disappear! He isn't taking you seriously! Give him the shock of his life! (It's the ONLY chance you've got). As ever: Whether you want him back or not: No Contact (until he begs you to forgive him for this frankly crap behaviour) is your only option.
  5. You are absolutely correct but really...I know you're worried he's getting further away the more you aren't in touch but, even though it feels counter-intuitive, the opposite is the case. At the moment he KNOWS you are waiting for him and knows that you will get together at the end of the month of NC (if he decides). And if he DOES decide to meet again...you're asking to be put through the emotional grinder again. How dare he?! It's all on his terms. IMAGINE how he will react he loses control...if you're suddenly not there? he won't know what's hit him! Believe me - it's the only way. Give him the shock of his life. I'm behind you! I've been through this sort of thing so many times (I'm old...) and the ONLY regret I have in these situations is that I didn't get out (i.e. go No Contact) sooner. The sooner you disappear off the face of the planet, the sooner they come back but MORE IMPORTANTLY the sooner you heal. Unfortunately when I've done NC they've always come back and they've always been as useless as ever! Think about you - you're worth more than this! Have the guts to disappear...I dare you. NC is the ONLY way - whether you want them back or not - it's ALL you can do. Keep going!
  6. You know, this sounds so familiar. I really think that their feelings and behaviour confuses THEM as much as it confuses us. I think because it wouldn't have occurred to us to split up, then we expect them to be clear about how they feel. All I will say is that being ENTIRELY absent from their lives has a habit of making their confusion disappear extremely quickly (and it certainly means you don't have to be around selfish behaviour). Stick to your guns and ignore him - the minute you do that the power dynamic shifts in your favour and you will get stronger every day. I promise!
  7. Day 11...I think! He contacted me the other day to wish me happy birthday. Really - why do they bother? It's for them, not us. His message means nothing to me, I don't want birthday greetings from someone who has made the decision not to have me in his life, regardless of his message being 'from the bottom of his heart'. Also 'I do care for you.' When they're being rubbish, they always say that sort of thing: 'I DO care for you' or 'I DO love you' - yeah, if it was remotely meaningful there would be no need for the 'do.' Despite all actions being to the contrary, they come out with this nonsense. Oh and the killer: 'No need to reply.' Oh thank you, why not just cancel me out as a human being?! God forbid I should make my own decision about replying or not! (For the record: he KNOWS I won't reply). Being through exactly the same thing before, three years ago... Anyway - absolutely not responding to that crap. Onwards and upwards!
  8. Day 8...just feel more hopeful about the future. I've got this sort of 'cloud-in-waiting' above me, which I'm expecting to descend at some point...but I can't deny it: I'm relieved at not being around someone who is clearly merely tolerating me. I feel FREE. Normally in this situation I'd be doubting myself at least a bit but not this time. It's shoddy to do what he did - especially a second time, with his pattern of behaviour EXACTLY the same (in such detail!) So good luck to him!
  9. If you don't feel ready, then don't do it yet. There is NO rush - you've got all the time in the world and it's actually pretty fabulous being single. When I think of all the best times in my life...I was single! You WILL feel ready and then when you do, you can put a picture of yourself up confident and beaming - and people will pick up on it.
  10. Day 7. Thought about him more today than the other days (though not with any sort of longing), but still feeling better. I feel as if I've accessed a 'switch' in my brain which, when the slightest bit of a memory comes up, refuses to let my brain 'go there.' It's not like me - I'm someone who dwells on stuff (and so reinforces those neural pathways). I also feel as if I've got all the time in the world - last time it happened I thought I might want kids and that added to my sadness. I also feel good that I stuck to my guns. It's painful when someone does the slow-fade on you, so this time it was - OK you want to go - go NOW. Much better for the self-esteem. So yeah, hope you are all feeling good today as well.
  11. Day 6...this was a classic. There's a jar (in what WAS our house) that has (HAD) contraceptives in it, and I had wondered where it had gone. Anyway, today, when vacuuming under the bed I saw it and thought 'Oh! He didn't take it! I'm not going to look in there though' but then I knocked it over by accident and the sound told me it was CLEARLY EMPTY. Classy eh?! (But yeah I still don't really care, there's a time when that would have torn my heart in two, but now it confirms that he's not worth it. I mean...contraceptives aren't expensive enough that it's necessary to pilfer them surely? If I was him, I'd have left them there just to avoid embarrassment. Unless he just wanted to make me somehow pregnant by someone else... ) Anyway - day 6, still fine!
  12. You are right - sometimes having self-respect can hurt, but only in the short term. If you haven't self-respect it you get the quick fix (sometimes) and the long-drawn-out misery. Keep yourself busy and your head held high. Trust me, if he cares he'll be back, and quite clear that he wants to get back with you. That still doesn't mean it's the right thing to get together with him. NC has always worked for me - always around the eight-week mark (after various overtures earlier than that...loads of vague rubbish like 'I don't want to lose you!') ...and it's never been for the best; they promised the moon and stars and went on to carry on the same way, eventually. (Anyway - I'm on Day 6...still doing OK considering! Slightly thought of him today - he'd wanted to move out (AGAIN!) and I'd said that previously that that would mean the relationship was over...he did it anyway, don't know if he did it in hope I'd agree or split...anyway, I was wondering today if that means he thinks I'M the dumper. Pah it's all irrelevant anyway. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't care enough to treat them well? That goes for ALL of us!) To be honest...if we have to do research to understand these flaky blokes then they can't be worth it, can they? You did research on Antisocial Personality Disorder? I went out with a sociopath - I now find it massively entertaining (ten years on I realise it gave me some great anecdotes and was a GREAT life lesson!), but good God if you have the slightest inkling he's got any of those Cluster IV personality disorders then AVOID! You can do this, keep going!!
  13. Day 5...still not really bothered and still worried at some point that I'm going to feel devastated. When I've gone through this sort of thing in the past people have shared their reasoning along the lines of 'It's going to take you half of the time you were together to fully get over it.' But we were together for five years and I'm not even sure I was upset for five minutes. Maybe (it's the second time he's done this and the first time I was DEVASTATED) I am finally sick of deja vu. Also, when someone's been distant for ages it's hard to notice they've gone...
  14. If you are doing No Contact then how do you know he seems happier? The point of No Contact is that, as far as you're concerned, your ex has fallen off the planet. You want no updates about ANYTHING - no checking up on social media, hearing from friends of friends, nothing.
  15. Cos he is emotionally invested (BUT CONFUSED - so still TOXIC!!!). But you're not! You're above this! So IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE...until he makes it quite clear that he's made the biggest mistake of his life and he's really sorry. This is good though - let this give you strength and confirm that it really isn't you, it's him!
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