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Amandacast57

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  1. Amandacast57
    I'm not really sure what day of NC I'm on. I started NC on March 29, counted EACH AND EVERY DAY, until the 1 month mark where I broke NC. He responded but it really confirmed how much of a GREAT decision NC is and how he is just an awful person. Since then, I haven't even stopped to think what day I'm on or even care, at that. I feel SO much better, so happy and excited for what the future holds. Of course, the "happy" memories with him drift in and out but that is about it.
  2. Amandacast57
    You can share your good news here! Haha, I stopped sharing good news with my ex, like when I'd get a raise or promotion, because then I'd be made to feel guilty since he hasn't received a raise or promotion, lol!
  3. Amandacast57
    Day 28. How can he just forget about me?
  4. Amandacast57
    Day 28. Surprisingly, I had to check to see what day I was on. I think the process of NC certainly lives up to the term "roller coaster" that people describe it as. Last Sunday, I was pretty much in tears all day. But this week, I've been pretty busy with work and my mind was occupied with another thread on this site. So I honestly haven't thought much of him this week. Until last night.... My company dose a lot of get together and happy hours and what not. Last night, we had our annual baseball outing to watch our minor league baseball team play. I brought my married/pregnant friend who is usually my back up date to everything but I couldn't help but feel a little sad and depressed that SO many people were there with their spouses and children. But I guess that is normal. I woke up this morning feeling so much hatred towards him. I'm not stupid. I know that people lead others on all the time but my problem was that I really didn't ask for him. What I mean is, I see a lot of girls in a "limbo" situation and they will every now and then ask their guy "So what are we?" or "When will you be my boyfriend?". The guy will tell them what they want to hear to buy them more time. My problem is that I didn't ask my ex what we were or where we were going for some time now. I never asked when he was going to commit. HE brought that up on his own. HE told me he felt like come end of summer he needed to make a decision about us long term. I didn't ask that. HE talked about me being his wife. HE suggested/talked about me moving in. It is just really hard to think that someone would go through THAT much trouble to lead me on. My friends suggest that he wasn't doing it maliciously, he just doesn't know what he wants. Regardless, onwards and upwards!
  5. Amandacast57
    I think today is day 25. Feeling ok today. Went and got sushi with my roommate last night. My work is having an outing Thursday night for one of the minor league baseball teams in my state. My friend is coming with me. I actually laugh at things like this because I get a lot of perks at my job like sporting event tickets, free happy hours, gifts, lunches, etc. My ex could be experiencing these with me and having a good time. I'm actually feeling some sort of disgust towards him. He wasn't really fun to hang out with. I mean, he didn't want to do different things or have fun. All he wanted to do was anything revolving around soccer. Watch soccer, play soccer and ref soccer. Haha, I wonder if he thinks hes enjoyable to be around? I love trying new things. I love being outdoors. I just remember all the times I'd invite him out like to my work's Christmas party or happy hour and he couldn't because he had a soccer game. I had 2nd row tickets to a hockey game and he turned them down because he wanted to play the soccer game. On a Sunday, I asked him to go hiking and he said he would have to see because his knee was hurt from playing multiple soccer games the day before. I just think about these fun things I like to experience and enjoy and although he says that he want to enjoy them too, he would never put ANYTHING before these soccer games. And then most hilarious part of all this soccer playing, is he REALLY thinks he has what it takes to play professionally!!! HAHA!! Last week, I met some of our minor league soccer players and one of them told me he just retired from playing...............AT 28!!!!!! And he went on about how he really enjoyed playing but that is all he's done his entire life and is now 28 with no work experience. I just can't believe my ex really thinks he can play professionally. He's almost 32. I know its really selfish and mean to say but, good luck with the rock bottom buddy!
  6. Amandacast57
    I guess I'll make my official post with my feelings for today... Day 23. Gosh, I really don't even know how to address my feelings. I feel pretty alone right now. My 2 best friends are married, one with kids and the other pregnant and I just feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to or spend my time with. I've tried to focus on myself. I've always been pretty healthy but I've wanted to have some sort of abs showing come summer time so I've really cleaned up my diet and started working out more. I've always been pretty creative but its almost counter productive because although I feel proud of the things that I do/accomplish, I remember my ex saying that he liked those things about me. So after I cook this amazingly healthy dinner or paint this really awesome picture, it makes me sad because I wonder "why don't you want me?". With summer coming up, it seems like it is going to be even harder. We spent a lot of time at his parent's house at the pool last summer. We even took up stand up paddle boarding for the first time and we LOVED IT! I remember him telling me that if I walked out of his life, he would call me during the summer to go paddle boarding. I just can't understand this. I can't understand how I was SO different from the previous girls he dated, how I treated him so well and this is what I get. I find myself being absolutely ridiculous, spending hours searching forums for examples of exes that contacted the person they broke up with months later. And then I think to myself "So what? That doesn't mean HE will contact YOU". I just don't deserve this. In my past relationships, I know I did things wrong. I feel like I really made it a point to do everything right. I know I had my flaws like maybe being overemotional once in a while, but I was loving, honest, faithful, loyal and just everything he wanted. Who walks away from something like that?
  7. Amandacast57
    AGREED!!!! I've thought a lot about calling mine too although I never would. I play out scenarios in my head like asking him if he wants his things back or in June, texting him happy birthday. Don't you wonder that if we are thinking this much about them and regressing, are they??
  8. Amandacast57
    It just feels like its getting harder
  9. Amandacast57
    Today is day 22. I cried for the first time. I guess it's starting to feel like maybe it is really over, that I won't get the phone call. I thought he meant the things he said, but I guess the silence says otherwise.
  10. Amandacast57
    So today is 3 WEEKS! 21 DAYS! I thought as I continued that this would get easier. But I kind of feel like it has gotten harder. I feel down, not good enough, etc. I think back to EVERYTHING I did for this guy, literally bent over backwards, and I haven't heard a word. I thought me not contacting him would make him realize what he lost. I guess 3 weeks really isn't that long. But it kills me wondering if he is thinking about me or what he is doing or if he just doesn't care at all. This man told me he loved me, that I was perfect for him and he wanted to marry me. It is hard to think that one day he could just say "Dang, I let a dam good woman get away". But I guess I see that happen from time to time in real life.
  11. Amandacast57
    No. The last time my ex and I didn't speak for 8 days after a fight. I went out with a guy and he pushed me right back to my ex
  12. Amandacast57
    I'm at 20 and I'm wondering if he is thinking the same thing you are wondering if she is thinking. I only made it maybe 8 days NC with him before. Since it has been 20, I wonder if that really means this is it, over, done, finished.
  13. Amandacast57
    Day 20. I miss him so much. I feel like I'm so close to breaking NC. Trying to stay strong
  14. Amandacast57
    Day 19. I miss him
  15. Amandacast57
    Day 14 TWO WEEKS!! Lol, that is the longest him and I have gone without talking since we broke up in October. I'm not really missing him too much anymore. I honestly feel disgust when I think about him. I think about how he is almost 32 with nothing to show for it and although he talks a good talk of "bettering himself" (the reason he broke up with me), I have YET to see him take action towards that. Plus I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday so the drugs keep my mind of it... yipppeeeeee lol
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