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electricorchid

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  1. Trust your gut. I know you wrote here to get a more definitive answer but honestly after writing here on this forum myself for years, I've found that no one knows this guy more than you do, and trust that first impression. If it's not there, it's not there. Time to meet other/new people. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're too picky because you know what it is that you want. Also you do not want someone who dismisses a comment you made in conversation, you def want someone to acknowledges what you say/said. And makes you feel seen.
  2. He keeps writing me and I've given him plenty of time to explain/chance to make things up. While I appreciate everyones opinions, and while I usually give men the benefit of the doubt all the time you guy have not met him nor seen the casual messages he always writes me with. Basically writing me almost everyday now "I want to see you or what are you doing this weekend" and then leaving me on read for 24 hrs. he's just trying to string me along so I shall move on. I need someone whose going to make concrete plans with me.
  3. I've never even kissed or slept with this man yet? No clue where you got this assumption.....
  4. Well he wrote me "I want to see you when back we are long overdue", so I replied "we are overdue indeed, i wanted to see you too but you blew me off twice", so then he writes "Not sure if blowing you off is the right wording for it" (he gaslighted me a bit there, bc he absolutely did) and then he changed the subject asking me about my weekend and how he leaves tomm back home and I answered him and asked "hows the skiing/trip?" but then i did end up writing him "You def blew me off though, what's sad is I though about you on my trip and bought you a little something so Ive been waiting to give it to you since friday, but anyway you too. Have a safe flight ❤️ " and that was that and he left me on read.
  5. True, I tried to not make him feel confronted or lectured especially since this is still so early on but at the same time if (my honesty that I was displeased with how he blew me off) that made him run away then he wasn't the right one to begin with.
  6. I thought about this, but he's left me on read many times. And if you read the above.. the tuesday right before he left on his trip he "got busy" and texted me at 9:50pm to tell me he couldn't meet.
  7. Agreed, Update: He messaged me he wanted to see me when he gets back from his skiing trip and I just ended up being honest with him that I would love to see him but that he bailed on me twice and I didn't appreciate that. I got a little sassy with him but he needs to know that upset me bc I found it to be disrespectful.
  8. I’ve been going out/speaking a guy (36) Let’s Call him Ben, for a few weeks, we met on a dating app and he and I had a very wholesome first date running by the water together and then went out two more times after that. He made a great first impression on me, seemed to be very polite, respectful and positive energy. Everything seemed to be going extremely well at first, & we both ended up going on trips after our three dates; I went to South America for work and he ended up going to the Bahamas with Family. We both were gone from home for about the same amount of Time ( a week or so) and he would text me photos/text me from time to time throughout the trip. As soon as we both got back I was surprised I hadn’t heard from him in a long while, he never texted me when he got back and then THREE DAYS passed and I never heard from him, so I was confused. When I met him he’s going through a pretty crazy career change/transition into another job, he seemed very stressed about it on our third date but was super open about it and was handling it overall very well and mentioned he probably had to start traveling to nyc weekly which he was not excited about bc he loves where we both live and plans to stay here. So I had grace for him going through this rough time in his life but that’s still no excuse I feel…. I ended up double texting him (which I never do, bc I had written him like 4 texts about my trip and he never responded or acknowledged my previous texts) but I decided to do something different and just text him “Hey stranger! Hope you had a safe trip back, I want to see you lmk” Turns out that worked, and got his attention and so he wrote me back that he liked my directness and said absolutely, let’s see each other this weekend and had me pick between Friday or sat. Our communication took a turn and started changing, he’s always since the day we started texting been not great at texting but he got worse, he would only text me super late at night like at 9 or 10pm, and would wait hours to respond to me about plans. So after I told him Friday he told me he was actually staying in and it was TBD because he had quite a long week etc. then he asked me if I wanted to join him Saturday to go to dinner with him and a friend from out of town and to bring a girlfriend along. I’ve already gone out with him and his friends before by myself and I just felt like my gut was telling me he was looking to entertain his friend for that Saturday night and that he wasn’t serious about making concrete plans with me. I declined and mentioned that I had wanted to see him Friday because there was a DJ playing I loved at a bar we had both promised each other we were going to go to when he got back from his trip and yet he decided to wait till 8:50pm on a Friday night and then says he “changed his mind” and he’s going out, and what was I up to/what did I decide to do for that night? I ignored him. He then added me on instagram to watch what I was up to on my weekend and then replied to my story and joked that he missed his invite when I had posted a fancy poolside I was at in my local gym. All of Saturday night he was surprised I didn’t want to go to dinner with him and his friend again, and so he kept writing me and asking me what I was up to (probably to meet up at some club or bar etc.) I ignored him bc I was so hurt he chose to ignore me and or deflect spending time with me on Friday when I had actually bought him a gift from my trip and was another reason why I had wanted to see him. Nothing crazy, just something small I wanted to give to him but little did he know.. I spent all Saturday night posting stories of myself having fun, looking fantastic and living my best life. He then texted me “I want to see you, how do we make this happen” I replied “Make it up to me, and let’s make plans this week”, so he tells me he’s going yet on another trip and that he wants to see me before he leaves. I agree on Tuesday and this man waits till TUESDAY NIGHT to text me that he’s “so sorry, that he got busy and that he owes me a phone call” I felt like my time got disrespected yet again. He keeps writing me on instagram DM that we should go on another run again when he saw I went running and I left him on read. I feel super torn and hurt and while I know I shouldn’t bc it hasn’t been many dates and its still pretty early on with this guy to develop anything yet I’m just so confused by his HOT & COLD behavior, it’s obviously clear that maybe he was seeing someone else he liked more and then when it didn’t work out with that option he came back to me, I still want to give him the little gift I got in South America but I feel like he deserves to get ghosted and for me not to respond to him. My gut also tells me he’s just keeping me there on sidelines as an option but there is nothing more of a pet peeve I have than when someone disrespects my time. I also thought about being honest with him and telling him that I’m turned off by his behavior and that I’m not interested anymore but that’d be a lie. Because although I’m pissed, we’re human and he’s allowed to see other people and make a mistake and so am I . I just chose not to, and I see a lot of qualities in him that are hard to come by and I don’t like people like that this often… Does this guy even deserve a second chance or do I send him to the ghost land?
  9. The answer is she's petty and or has had a very very hard time trying to get over you. That's why
  10. I would go out with him, always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. But on one condition: DO NOT mention his friend specifically or the situationship but I would ask him (as your getting to know him), "Who are you in your group of friends?" or "Tell me about your friend group, etc." Just to get him to talk about how close he is to him IF he does bring him up but I would refrain from telling him about the situationship.
  11. I agree, I don't even want his attention tbh just to have it.. I honestly just want him to be happy but you're right. I think in reading your response I realized why even go if he's someone that's made me feel so 50/50 about him the whole time.
  12. YUP. That's the same guy... I'm still not attracted to him. I think it's best I stick to my gut and don't meet up with him.
  13. Feeling frustrated because 3 Men that I'm just absolutely not interested in are contacting me, and I wonder what kind-of state of mind am I in to attract these synchronicities that i don't want? One of them is actually a good guy but I felt no intimacy and or sexual connection with him so I broke it off last november and we've been cordial ever since. He always is the one initiating a "Happy bday" or a conversation with me, I'm never the first to reach out. I dumped him bc I felt that we hooked up too soon, we were two very compatible people but I hated the sex and or our first night together kindof traumatized me, I just wasn't feeling it at all. However, his personality was always something I remembered because he has a lot of qualities I look for. This guy, has been pretty consistent in contacting me recently ( a year post the dump) to try to start casual conversation and just asked tonight If I wanted to grab a drink. I see no harm in grabbing a drink as I feel he has unanswered business with me and or questions he wants to ask me in terms of why it was over but I genuinely wouldn't know what to say. The truth would be too hard... but yet I feel an obligation for some reason to go, and or accept since he hasn't been terrible to me. Should I bother going? Or not? I haven't made up my mind yet about this guy, simply bc I feel so conflicted in that "on paper" he seems to be a great match for me but I simply just wasn't very attracted to him when we were dating. I don't want to lead him on, but maybe I might feel something for him this time around? I've never been more confused. I even hard a heart to heart with myself and I just don't think after what happened to me this summer I'm ready to date. I literally don't want to go out with absolutely anyone tbh, and just want to be left alone to heal and work on myself/my life and financial goals. So In that sense I think it'd be kindof pointless... My mom argues that sex can be worked on, and she always gets excited when I tell her he texted me but now I almost feel pressure to please my mother. I'm not sure what i feel actually IM SO CONFUSED. Help. Has anyone been in this situation before?
  14. This is hilarious, this is ENOTALONE.com, I'm not rehashing and I think the hands down most commented person on this thread has been yourself rehashing blame that i should put on myself. Theres a difference between taking responsibility on myself and putting blame each and every day on myself. Please do not comment further, I don't appreciate you telling me that I "BELIEVE" that it was gaslighting, because that's exactly what he did. That's exactly what happened and what it was. I'm grateful I was safe, and the situation wasn't worse but words have meaning and I guess I just have to learn that some people carelessly say things and some of us mean what we say. As rainbowsandroses said, I do think I need to just give myself space and time to forgive myself and him. Both of us.
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