mstreib1607306432

That is the request made by my girlfriend of nearly 4 years. I moved out in February after believing we weren't doing well enough to continue and hoping it would spur some action. It did. We continued to spend most free time together and do things but I felt I needed more than that. About May, I started to ask "what are we doing?" She said she didn't want to be in a committed relationship and yet we continued to carry on as though we were in one. I've begged her to allow us to work through her "confusion" (she states she is and friends tell me she says same to them). I've suggested counseling. I've suggested she see her OB/GYN becuase she has been pre-menopausal for nearly 3 years. I've asked her to re-consider the path we are taking. I didn't feel we (she) was accomplishing anything and Wed night when she called about somethin with the house, I told her we had to stop talking. I got somewhat forceful with her raising a tone of anger in my voice but relenting and telling her "this isn't about fighting...., it's about finality". I told her "It's over" and that she had to say it so we could move on. I forced her to say it and she finally shouted it out through the phone. I said "good, you had to do that and now we can get on" The conversation ended then but by 11 that night I called her back and we talked for an hour. I could hear sadness in her voice as we talked. I was sad too and I cried during the discussion. We both agreed to take a total communication break from one another for 30 days and see if we could clear our heads. It was her request and I have agreed to honor it. I sent her an e mail yesterday morning and a copy is below. Can someone help me understand what I need to do and how I should handle this? If she calls before then...., how do I respond? If I break down and call her? What is going to happen here? If it's not obvious already, I'm really hurting right now and seeking some kind of feedback. Here's my (possibly ) last communication to her for awhile......., Titled "30 DAYS" 1 month.., 720 hours.., 43,200 minutes.., 2,592,000 seconds. I can only tell you that seems like an eternity right now. Even the brief and infrequent time we've been able to spend together since Feb is better than nothing to me. Times when I've been able to fall asleep next to you....., times when I just get to hear your voice...., times when you call...., just to tell me something that is or has been common to our lives together. I know this is painful for us both. We're both hurting and each feels they are hurting the other and that makes it worst. There's a burning question here that goes unanswered in both our souls. God, this has been soooo difficult, Susan. One moment I feel like it's but one more chapter in our demise and another moment, I feel that it is "the test" of my life. There is a greater power at work here that is testing us and I don't know why but I've got to believe it is for a good cause. If you start thinking of "us" and begin to think there is any question of my commitment to you, take a moment to read "the document" again. I read through it once again this morning and it's right on the money. Those feelings, shared in that writing, will not change in a day, 30 days or 30 years. I mean that, Susan. It will NOT change. If the next chapter in our lives tells a story of us together and walking down the same path, all I can say is this......., it will be very, very good. You will have...., we will have...., something so complete and special, they will write stories about it. I'll give you more than you dreamed possible. You have my word on that. I may slip with a call to a voice mail. I might send a card. I will try to NOT do any of those things. But I will do my best to keep this promise and see if we can find some answers while apart. Just remember, I already have my answer and, though it seems to be steeped in emotion right now, It is from my heart, undeniable and clear. 30 days will not change that. You are the one I want in my life and that is all I can leave you with today. Find some time to reflect on your life, what you want from it and whether you have the ability to share it with someone. Listen to your heart and feel good knowing that you have someone that would give you all that he has to be with you. It is so clear to me now and I hope that the time apart will help you see what I see and feel today. My heart and hopes are with you.

I met her 8 years ago. We met in 1996. The thing that drew us closer together came one Thursday night when things just seemed to fall inot place. We met at a social gathering and she came home with me. She stayed late and left but on her way home called my office and left a 4 minute voice mail saying things like "We would be so good together...., I just feel it" and "God, when we see each other I simply feel something in my heart that says we should have a relationship" I wasn't so sure at that time but somehow we came together in late 1998 and began to see each other regularly. It became so regular that she asked me to move into her home when my Apt. lease was up. I did so in March, 99. Fast forward 2 yrs and we have been living in the same home, we travel and do most everything together. Things seem to have settled in and we may even be starting to grow complacent in the relationship. I started detecting that and began reinforcing my love for her always let her know how impirtant she was to me. I started noticing I got no real return of those overtures. In late summer of 2001, we took vacation to the Virgin Islands. We seemed distant and I could tell it wasn't going well. We returned home at 1 on 9/11/01. From there the things that happened shook everyone but we continued to seem more and more distant from one another. I asked her to talk with me and to see what we were doing. i told her I thought we needed to find a way to re-kindle something that seemed to be dying....., that was not good for either of us. No response. In November, I took a trip to see friends in SC. Before I left, I asked her to think about us and we would talk when I returned. I told her I was thinking about moving out because I felt we were not going anywhere so it was very important that we figure out what we are going to do. When I got, I asked her if she had thought about things. She said she had. The only thing she told me was, "I don't want you to move out". When I asked "why" she said I don't know. Nothing more was said. So in early December, I told her I was moving out. She responded only by saying "I'm sorry I can't give you what you need right now". At that point I committed to do the holidays saying nothing to family and friends. That I would move out after that. I moved in Feb. and it was as if I should have stayed! She called 2-3 times each day. Every sentence was "Honey" and "sweetie" and "I love you" as the parting shot. I became agrny that she was doing this and, in early May started to ask what we were doing hoping that she had finally seen the light and wanted to work on us. It now appears that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me...., that she wants to have some time and space....., for now, as she states it. I perceive that she is essentially saying our relationship is over. Through the last few weeks and this dialogue, it is becoming very clear that she means it BUT I keep getting mixed signals. She is currently on a short vacation with friends in MI and will return Wed. Before she left, we spent Sat. together. On two occasions, she came to me and embraced me warmly saying "I love you so much". Now if that doesn't throw one into a state of confusion, what does? The next morning as she was preparing to leave, she became rather, cold, callous and almost defensive. I saw the side I'de been seeing for the last few weeks. I plan to ask her some serious questions once again as she retirns but fear I already know the answers. I'm in a substantial amount of pain, right now and I don't see anything positive coming from future interactions. Yet, somewhere I think I need to try and architect this so we can continue to see each other. That would require that I give her the space she's requesting and let her do what she feels she need to do. But I also fear that this is her way of breaking away and moving on. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I thought she was the greatest find I could ever hope to be lucky enough to have enter mylife. I feel I've given her the freedon to think through things and figure out where we can go from here. But I think she has decided I'm not the one she wants to commit to and that is my dilemma...., my pain. I'll happily elaborate further if someone wants to provide some perspective on my situation. But I hope this paints a reasonable picture of what's going on and that someone will provide a perspective, some advices, direction....., you name it. I am in a major funk over this and can't let it continue. Thanks in advance to anyone that might respond.