That is the request made by my girlfriend of nearly 4 years. I moved out in February after believing we weren't doing well enough to continue and hoping it would spur some action. It did. We continued to spend most free time together and do things but I felt I needed more than that.
About May, I started to ask "what are we doing?" She said she didn't want to be in a committed relationship and yet we continued to carry on as though we were in one. I've begged her to allow us to work through her "confusion" (she states she is and friends tell me she says same to them). I've suggested counseling. I've suggested she see her OB/GYN becuase she has been pre-menopausal for nearly 3 years. I've asked her to re-consider the path we are taking.
I didn't feel we (she) was accomplishing anything and Wed night when she called about somethin with the house, I told her we had to stop talking. I got somewhat forceful with her raising a tone of anger in my voice but relenting and telling her "this isn't about fighting...., it's about finality". I told her "It's over" and that she had to say it so we could move on. I forced her to say it and she finally shouted it out through the phone. I said "good, you had to do that and now we can get on"
The conversation ended then but by 11 that night I called her back and we talked for an hour. I could hear sadness in her voice as we talked. I was sad too and I cried during the discussion.
We both agreed to take a total communication break from one another for 30 days and see if we could clear our heads. It was her request and I have agreed to honor it. I sent her an e mail yesterday morning and a copy is below.
Can someone help me understand what I need to do and how I should handle this? If she calls before then...., how do I respond? If I break down and call her? What is going to happen here?
If it's not obvious already, I'm really hurting right now and seeking some kind of feedback.
Here's my (possibly ) last communication to her for awhile......., Titled "30 DAYS"
1 month.., 720 hours.., 43,200 minutes.., 2,592,000 seconds.
I can only tell you that seems like an eternity right now. Even the brief and infrequent time we've been able to spend together since Feb is better than nothing to me. Times when I've been able to fall asleep next to you....., times when I just get to hear your voice...., times when you call...., just to tell me something that is or has been common to our lives together.
I know this is painful for us both. We're both hurting and each feels they are hurting the other and that makes it worst. There's a burning question here that goes unanswered in both our souls.
God, this has been soooo difficult, Susan. One moment I feel like it's but one more chapter in our demise and another moment, I feel that it is "the test" of my life. There is a greater power at work here that is testing us and I don't know why but I've got to believe it is for a good cause.
If you start thinking of "us" and begin to think there is any question of my commitment to you, take a moment to read "the document" again. I read through it once again this morning and it's right on the money. Those feelings, shared in that writing, will not change in a day, 30 days or 30 years.
I mean that, Susan. It will NOT change.
If the next chapter in our lives tells a story of us together and walking down the same path, all I can say is this......., it will be very, very good. You will have...., we will have...., something so complete and special, they will write stories about it. I'll give you more than you dreamed possible. You have my word on that.
I may slip with a call to a voice mail. I might send a card. I will try to NOT do any of those things. But I will do my best to keep this promise and see if we can find some answers while apart.
Just remember, I already have my answer and, though it seems to be steeped in emotion right now, It is from my heart, undeniable and clear. 30 days will not change that.
You are the one I want in my life and that is all I can leave you with today. Find some time to reflect on your life, what you want from it and whether you have the ability to share it with someone. Listen to your heart and feel good knowing that you have someone that would give you all that he has to be with you.
It is so clear to me now and I hope that the time apart will help you see what I see and feel today.
My heart and hopes are with you.