rocko123
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
rocko123 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Dear god, you're pushy. Can you not ever use a little tact and preparedness to ask for what you need? How can such a smart person have so little sense sometimes? -
Post here instead of contacting your ex!
rocko123 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
If/when you become a zombie, I'll still destroy your infected brain. I hope you'll still do the same for me. -
Day 60-something Lost count, don't really even care anymore. Thought I'd post some poignant lyrics I came accross today that sum up my feelings over the past few months: ~~~~~~~~ I ain't got nothin but love for you Love for you I can't use Lonely nights multiplied by the blues I can't resolve Cause it's almost over Yeah it's almost gone ~~~~~~~ I'm letting go of the bad feelings and cherishing but not missing the good feelings we had but rather relishing the new parts of my life I found to replace them. Some days it still sucks. Most days it doesn't. Things got better piece-by-piece, one day a little more sunny than the last.
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Day 30-something The last couple of days of the challenge were crazy busy... and that was a good thing. Got me through it. Saw my ex a few times in meetings, communicated w/ her as a part of our shared function at work, and things were okay. A few ups and downs for me but it helped to see some of the things I don't like about her. Today has been really good and I think (hope) i've finally started to let go. Tomorrow I'll close the loop on this sucker and post my summary of all of my posts here. Keep ignoring those exes, you crazy NCers!
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Astutely put. No, you won't be. You'll be reaching out to a memory and contacting a stranger. I'm with you, man. Work became tainted with personal memories. The only way to fix it is to either work somewhere else or give time the time it needs to replace the memories. Be strong. To paraphrase, yoda-style: "eat where you sht you must not"
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Day 28 Had a preposterous dream about her last night. Been a while since one of those. If I didn't work with this woman, I would have been over this by now. There are no romantic feelings left, just crazy sexual attraction to a prototypical archetype she represents in my mind. Since I've been in nc, I've noticed how much she annoys me on the job, how little she cares about the end goals we are striving for, and how much she works in a silo. Well, my job is to tend to the big picture and she is just a bit player in that, probably always be. I've got a meeting with her and some other people today. My strategy is going to be to define clear takeaways I expect from it and hold all parties accountable to it. Won't make eye contact or allow for any personal connection, then leave once I've gotten what I need. Mr. Business.
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I did feel accomplished. I had rationalized in my head that the purpose of my email was work only, to say something like "Okay, can we work together or not?" But I realized that the purpose was anything but that, it was to reestablish contact on any level. What hit me is that the work thing will work itself out and that all I can do is control me and my actions. If she wants to be professional, she will. If she doesn't, she gets to deal with the consequences. And either way, the response or non-response from her would have made me miserable. So... go me!
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Day 25 5 days to go. Had a strong urge to email her yesterday after passing her in the hall at work. Even had the email drafted out. Challenge accepted and defeated! I will make my goal and she will become a player in my past. Leaning heavily on friends right now to get through the tail end of this.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
rocko123 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I was hoping I wouldn't run into you. I was almost out the door, turned the corner, and then bang, there you were. I said good morning, you mumbled a hey. First word I've heard come out of your mouth in person in 40 days. I wish it could be some other way. I miss you in my life and I still really care about you. But I care about me more and you are just plain bad for me. I have to continue down this path. I'm sorry things happened the way they did. I promise you I'm hurt too. Give it time and maybe one day it will be different. If not, at least we tried. -
Day 24 Spent the evening with my son and we had a great time. He's bearing with me throughout this process and helping me figure out who I am without her. Amazing what therapy a 3 year old can provide withou knowing it. I anticipate today is going to be a bt more difficult than yesterday. I won't be as busy at work and that will open up time to ruminate on bad thoughts. Wish I were better at the whole thought control thing.
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Day 23 It's a brand new day with another opportunity to take care of me, not her. All of the peeps here who are early on in your NC, take heart and press on. Make it about you and it will get easier. IthinkIcan, Don't be hard on yourself. Did you get the Buddha book? If so, read through chapters 13 to 17 (quick read). These really helped me this morning to rationalize all of the ways we didn't work and what I don't have to deal with in my life since the BU.
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Day 22- pm Not feeling much better. Lonely after having seen the ex while driving home. Wish things were different or that I didn't care about her the way she doesn't care about me. not going to drink for a while. This feeling is too hard to deal with.
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Day 22 I'm going to post in the morning and the evening today just to see if there's a difference in my mood. Currently, 9am and I'm a little sad and frustrated with myself. I know all of the reasons we're not together, that it will never be again, and that I have to get comfortable seeing her. But instead, I just miss her and I'm sad. Need to stop drinking so much because my mornings after are rocky like this. And I'm getting fat again. A breakfast burrito will make me feel better, right?
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
rocko123 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I keep wanting to be your friend. I keep wanting to seek out comfort in your words and your arms. But that sht is bad medicine. I know you think you did nothing wrong, that you were just being honest and protecting both of us from further damage; but you hurt me by being so damned cold and callous about it. You said you were hurt too but I seriously doubt it. But I'm better than you in so many ways. And I won't engage you in any personal contact ever again because you just wreak havok with my well being. You are a destructive force and there's no way you'll ever understand why or how. -
Day 21 Just another monday morning. Thinking about relationships in my life and what they mean to me. Why does mine with her continue to standout with I have so many others that are more rewarding? Need to get on top of that at some point and forgive myself for all of the things I've put myself through pre and post BU.