Strandysmommy

A week ago today I lost my very best friend in the whole world and the love of my life. This extraordinary little fellow was my 18 year old cat. I got him for Christmas of 1988 when I was 8 years old...I'm 26 now so that tells you how long we've been together. I got him right before my mom split, and during a time where I was having a horrible time in school, being a chunky, metal mouthed shy girl who didn't dress right. He was always there for me. We (my dad and I) had to say good bye to him because he was very ill. We don't really know what the deal was- could have been the extreme heat and no AC in the house, could have been empysema, which made it impossible for him to eat or drink without not being able to breathe. When he would try to use the litter box his legs would shake and give out. In the last couple of days of his life, anything he'd eat, he'd vomit back up. It was a hard good bye. But in the aftermath, something else has happened that I don't like at all. Mike, my fiancee has been nothing but a saint during this. He's been there for me when I break down randomly and has just...been there. My problem is that suddenly, I feel no joy in being with him like I did, I feel numb. We talk about the wedding and I just...feel nothing. It's like I almost feel resentment toward him. He knows, and has acknowledged several times that he KNOWS he could never take the place of my kitty. That I can never love him the way I loved Stranded. (My kit). I look at little kids and I don't feel the excitement of thinking that I'll have a baby someday. I just feel no joy at all. I feel cold and mean. I'll say right now I feel like it's my fault my cat got sick. I feel like when Mike came into the picture I started being with him, and I fear that Stranded's heart was broken and he couldn't recover. Even though my dad loved him, and I still payed...I mean even when Mike would come over I'd make sure to give Stranded extra extra cuddly cuddles. I fear this is going to cause a big problem. Like I'll never be the same- I mean I feel better knowing that it was around the day after I lost my baby that I started feeling hostile and cold and numb toward the guy who I'm supposed to marry....so it's not just a gradual falling out of love. It was like BOOM. Is this typical? Is this typical when you lose someone who meant so much to you?

Wow, this is a long ol thread! I read it from the start, first thinking "gosh, what a selfish #$&*$#&" then continuing on and realizing "ohhh ok..." I tend to read deeply into things...I have been considering what could be going on in your wife's head from the start. I am no psychiatrist or anything (I am a nurse however so I did have to take a semester long psych nursing class). You said she gradually became cold eh? Ok I know that now I am going to...well...speculate. She seems to work a lot. Why is that, I wonder? She's a trainer and it must be a lot of hard work, physical energy being expended. I wonder if she has some sort of OCD or eating disorder- does she spend a lot of time working out? Has she lost a lot of weight? Does she eat healthy? That's one thought floating through my head. I can relate to having a somewhat messed up mother. Mine's an alcoholic who consequently has depression. It was always "fun" calling my mom or going out to her house on weekends. "Gee, will I have nice mom or mean mom that makes me cry?" She'd get mad for no reason, or just crabby and take it out on me when I did NOTHING. But she was darn good at being nice to others. I wonder if your wife is battling some sort of depression? Depression is a mean thing- makes you do and act ways you never used to. You can get mean, or sad or just rude. Taking it out on the ones who love you the most. Depression can also affect one's sex drive too...consider that. Much as I hate to admit it, although I don't drink, sometimes I behave like my mom. Angry for no reason or crabby at people who did nothng to me to warrant that behavior. I know it, and I nib it in the bud, I have made the choice to not be like her. Your wife however, may/may not be aware that she is becoming her mother's daughter. She may be aware but feels powerless over it. She might be depressed and just figure it's a lost cause. I know this is way out there...kinda pie in the sky thinking but I know a lot of messed up folk. I have battled an eating disorder myself and so that's where I pulled that one suggestion. I'm always interested in what goes on in people's brains and why. So I tended to look at your wife from the get go on it. Why is she being this way? It is possible she's depressed and really doesn't want help. My mom is that way. I bring my mom into it because her behavior (sexual, aside) sounds familliar to me. I know your mind is made up- maybe it's for the better. But it's worth tossing it around in your head to consider that. Some people are stoic and won't let another know they're down. Meh...just my 2.5 cents.

I know I must sound silly- a simple pee on a stick would answer my question. My period is going on 3 days late now; it's never been more than a day late, and I'm not under any particualr stress, nor have I gained/lost a big amount of weight either. My LMP was the 21st or 22nd of Feb... BF and I are very careful- we use condoms. I know those aren't 100% fool proof and things can happen, but we have had no tears or rips or holes that we know of. Besides my period, I usually get a marked PMS time in which I cry over silly things like car commercials at least once, and have sore breasts and break outs and generally feel...PMSsy. That didn't happen this time, although my breasts are sore off and on, and I can't tell if I had a break out because I have been in a break out all over my face since early this month. Nausea: had some transient nausea late last week, and monday- I actually ate lunch these last 2 days and didn't have that problem. I've had some real REAL mild cramping on the order of menstrual cramps but NOWHERE near what the real deal is (doubled over in a fetal postion). So, how much longer should I wait before I go to the MD or get the test? I keep thinking "naw...it's just messing with me, it's on it's way...just wait." But as of now, it shows no sign of arriving, there's no hint of pink, just thick clear goo (not even really discharge just around that area). What do ya say?

I know how you feel because I have an itchy ring finger too. My boyfriend and I have spoken about it, and we're moving in together in May- that will have been a year and 2 months since we officially began a courtship. We had a weird discussion which lead me to say something which he took as me saying "I can't see having children with you" which is SO not true. I look forward to it, but then I asked him "why don't you ever talk about it? You want it as much as I do!" To which he agreed, but then he added "I don't like to bring up the M word because I worry I'll jinx it...and talking about it extensively takes so much of the magic out of it." I mean what is more romantic discussing marriage and coming to the conclusion after a 4 hour discussion that marriage is an option. OR would it be more romantic if he took you on a...boat ride lets say, dinner and a boat ride. And proposed to you under the moon and stars and yadda yadda yadda? I know it sucks to wait...I know a watched pot never boils, a chunk of meat cooked too fast and too hot only cooks the outside while the inside remains pink and red and full of e-coli...but I know waiting sucks.

Agreed! See someone, you're feeling dangerous right now and you're feeling dangerous toward yourself which isn't good. It sounds trite, but don't cut yourself- that's only physically hurting you and you don't need that. See someone, talk to them...and also take up kickboxing or something. Get a punching bag and go banzaii on it.

I spent a lot of time the first month or so hoping that my ex would come back, but after that month or so, and NC, it just started to fade. I know it sucks to hear the "T" word (as in Time) but it does give you some perspective. It's like you have your nose up against a tree, and this tree is full of disease but you can't see it because it's further up. You're so close to it that unless you take some steps back you can see that "oh, wow, this tree is going to fall over soon." (Weird analogy I know). Hoping is not bad per-se. It gets to be bad when it gets to be a month or two from now and she hasn't called or contacted you and you're still holding on, or you meet someone you find yourself interested in they're interested in you...if you prevent yourself from meeting that person because you're hanging on to your ex so tightly...then it's a problem. Just step back a little and gain some perspective on things. You may start noticing little things that you were blind to when you were with her...or you weren't blind to...you just chose to not see. Something like that.

The first statement scares me, because I get the image of some goofball kid proclaiming "It's not mine!" and running for it. It's too bad you found out he's a cheater after you found out you were pregnant. I really hope he holds up his end of things. Don't let him get away with being a deadbeat dad at this young age. The second statement makes me think of you as more mature than any 15 year old I know (and I know a few!). The fact that you understand and accept that if you juggle knives you risk getting a big ol' cut is great. I'm proud of you for realizing it. The people at your school who call you a bad name are jerks. I'm sure if they were walking in your shoes (which will be some mighty big shoes) they'd be whimpering. Take care of yourself and your baby...at this point, being so young you're LITERALLY eating for 2 because you're not fully done growing yet- you prolly have a few inches of height to go, and some internal organs and horemones aren't fully developed. So...pig out! (Ok, within reason...just thought I'd add that little fact in there...FOLIC ACID, CALCUIM, IRON!) :splat: Good luck, take care. PS: yes it's ok to be happy.

I've been with my guy 9 months now, we've said the L word many, MANY times. All is well, we've had our fights, we've seen each other at our worst, we know all the skeletons in our closets. (It's not worth suprising someone later on in the relationship with the skeletons...it was all on the table at about 3 months in). All my friends are married, they were all married by the time they were 22. They tend to look down their noses at me now as some silly "kid", and my boyfriend as a "kid who doesn't want to grow up." Now what the heck they mean by that blows my mind- he recently got a full time job at a design firm- something he's wanted forever. It's not easy to find a design job where we are. He'd been looking for years. He has a house, he's 28- almost 29 he seems to fit the descripton of a "grown up" to me. I know we're just getting our footing steady in the realm of jobs and houses and things like that (I'll be graduating from Nursing school in May) but the "I'm-so-better-than-you-because-I'm-married" club really looks appealing to me. I realize that my friends who are all younger than me have the one thing in common and that's that their parents said "God told THEM that their S.O. was the one he created for them, and they needed to be married." I don't have a family situation like that nor do I want one...but here's my point after all this rambling: I was a little sad that I didn't get a ring for christmas. I don't know why I expected one- he's only just gone from making 10 dollars an hour at a part time t-shirt store to 15 dollars an hour full time at this new place. Someone clue me in- how much do rings generally run? How much work and money is it to have a wedding? I know one day soon we will have that, he and I, but I think I need a reality check!:splat:

I'm just a mere 25 year old, so what do I know...but I gotta ask you if his name is Richard, because that sure sounds like what he is. Doesn't matter what you weigh- you had a baby, you're 40, you're not some...well, 25 year old dingbat stripper who prolly doesn't have a natural part of herself left! I can't get what's so hot about a plastic girl, a silacone girl. A girl who has been cut, altered, vaccumed and augmented- she's not even real at this point. Your "signifigant other" likes fake people? Be glad you're real. You've been through more than he, you're not shallow (not that I know you personally) he sounds like a little 16 year old in a 54 year old's body. He likes his toy dollies and when he gets bored he goes out and buys a newer, more sophisticated model. [-(

I'm sorry, but- what a jerk! My ex was like that; all his family and friends are in Georgia and all mine are in MN. He decided for us that when we got married we'd be moving to GA, spending holidays there, and everything else. If I ever wanted to see my family I could do one of two things: buy myself a plane ticket and go see 'em or tell them to come down to me. Heh, real gentleman that one was. I can see where this might really become an issue. You're not expected to do anything for him, yet you treat him like he's royalty. Don't let him get used to that...and you need to discuss this whole moving issue- it WILL come back to bite you in the butt. Don't be hard or confrontational, just sit him down and lay it on the line. If he gives you crap then you need to give him an ultimatum.

I posted waaay back in October 2004 after my boyfriend of almost one year dumped me in a most cruel way; over the phone. He was cold about it, hard...told me to get over it. That was on 16 September 2004, I thought "yup this is it, I'm done...nobody will ever feel feelings for me ever- I'm defective." Barely 3 months later I met a guy, the guy gave me this nervous feeling like I knew if I got to know him, things would happen. You could read about him too somewhere on this forum...I don't know how to post links to the topics. I was resigned to dying an old maid, loney and sad...terrified of getting hurt. I wanted this stranger to go away, please don't love me, PLEASE. But dang those outside forces beyond my control I talked to the guy...and things happened, pardon the word but magic happened. Tomorrow (or today, whenever you're reading this) it will be one year since that ex plunged me into a fog that lasted me until well into January. I remember very little about September through December 2004...random things here and there; a chance meeting at a game night. 26 September will be 6 months since this amazing guy I am dating asked me to be his girlfriend. You might be saying right now; "geesh, what's she yapping about- this is for people who are really down and hurting!" No, I'm not rubbing this in your face- not trying to anyway...but I guess this would be one of those "there's a light at the end of the tunnel" speeches. Take a look at your ex right now...if it's been awhile I mean. Look at their nature, who are they? Did you really love them? I thought I really loved my ex, but in honesty I know I really love my boyfriend and compaired to that love, the "love" I felt for my ex was in fact delusion. I tried to convince myself that I loved him: I wasn't attracted to him, we had nothing in common, and truthfully, in talking to the man now: he's arrogant, he's cynical, he's full of himself...he was/is a mamma's boy, he had no creativity in him and he scorned the creativity in me as "childish" and "a waste of time". He did not respect me and when he saw that I wasn't going to become the cultured intellectual scholar PhD he wanted me to be- that I was going to continue to be a nursing student/preschool teacher/artist...he gave up. This has been so long winded I know...but for what it's worth I just wanted to confirm once more that life goes on, and it all gets better if you let it. Sometimes there's a science and art to letting go, and when you do that you've got yourself 50% of the way there.

And not only that, you were BOTH cheating.

You say he works doubles? What does he do- nurse, doctor, emt? Sometimes those jobs can be extremely stressful, and following a double or a very hard day it can make someone just wonder what the heck they're doing. He might be concerned that he cannot provide for you while he's working insane shifts. Of course this doesn't excuse his little mind game, beating around the bush etc...he doesn't know what he wants is the issue. It's not fair because you're being strung along. For goodness sake, DO NOT give up the birth control! What would you do if you got pregnant and in your 7th month or right after you have the baby, he decides "I don't think it's working out!" How long have you been together? How old is he? It may be a bit of a dark outlook but if you've been with someone for 3 or more so years and some sort of commitment hasn't been made, either engagement or marriage...and they or you aren't like, in med school or you're not 18 or 19 or whatever- then ya need to have a little talk.

That statement makes it pretty clear, doesn't it? You're just host to him, you're not super close or anything. It can cause big issues if you get sexually involved, even for one night.

When I was in high school I had an eating disorder...I got to be 93 lbs and I still thought I was morbidly obese (I was shooting for around 75-80 lbs) anyway, after I got help, my weight skyrocketed to almost 170 lbs. That was because my body thought I was in a fammine. So my point? Eat still! Just bear in mind you haven't been working out all that long, what? A month and a half? It may take a little longer...also don't forget your bone structure and what that has to do with things...I have a larger frame, so being 5'4 and 115 lbs doesn't look it. I look a little heavier. If you want a good work out, do the elliptical machines! I LOVE those things...they make me feel like I'm running on air, and they're pretty easy on the knees. Also try pilates and yoga, they make you more flexible and also tone the muscles. Walking is another option, it's pretty relaxing unless you speed walk, which is another good idea. So...there.