whathappensnext

thank you.i think alot of ppl on here will realte to my poems

thank you im glad u aprove of my poem.kinda popped into my head lastnight

under the sleeve the scars i hide all b/c what i've felt inside day after day night after night i would mark my skin with a razor or knife it felt so good the blood running down my arm it was like i had done no harm the adriline rush that i've felt many times before felt so good i couldnt help but want more deeper and deeper i wanted to stop really i did but i went on disapointing instead i did it again and agian soon i didnt need a reason it just happened like a routine that i could never stop and now i hide the marks of what i've done but the memories are still there under the sleeves i wear will it ever go away and will i be able to see my skin the skin thats really me the skin thats not broken nor bruised that is shinny and smooth will i ever have a day where i can throw all my sweatshirts away will i be able to.... layin the sun and go swimming too without someone saying "what did u do" and will i be able to honestly say i am ok no one knows especially me i just wanna be free so fo now i'll wear my sweatshirts and jeans and hope for the day i can be me.

poems are the last thing in my mind till life hits a snag and starts to rewind i see the little things that made up my life it cuts and tears like a dull bladed knife 1 thing that causes the most pain not many know so i wont say the name everywhere i go anything i see reminds me of u and me dwelling on the past isn't somthing i like to do but i will till im with u

i didnt read all the posts but im sure there is alot of people on here that have been put in ur position.me being one of them.i had feelings for my friend and i thought it was weird one day i siad i was gonna find out for sure if i really did like her and if she liked me.well i put it off for awhile and then she brought it up to me.idk ur friend so i cant tell u if u should tell her or not.but i can tell u that by saying little things to her and watching the way she is around u.u should be able to tell if she likes u.then u can go from there.but take it slow b/c if she likes u and hasnt realized her feelings yet it could be alot for her and she will pull away.but good luck and pm me if u have any other questions.

that might work.but with me when i used the little things i just got worse because i get mad when it doesnt hurt.and then i freak out.u have to find something to do.like if i get mad ill do push ups and sit ups till i cant move.physical things are better.if ur thinking about things that are upsetting u think of something else until u calm down.so u wont freak out.

thanks i really do aprecaite someone noticing that.i try all i can.and prom was ok.im still not sure what im going to do but thanks for the comments tho.

ok so im finally starting to freak out which i told everyone i would.My b-days coming up and i hate it.something bad always happens on my b-day.well my inventory,prom and graduation are also coming up and their freaking me out too. Im wearing a dress to prom with scars on my arms.its sucks but my friends keep telling me not to worry about it.but how can i not? So im starting to hurt myself agian.i scratch my hand with aa pencial till it bleeds and i have welts on my arm. im not doing it as bad as i used to.but its getting worse.I giving up. i come on here to give advice and now im giving up.i cant take it anymore im over people controling my every move.this is the one thing im doing for me and they cant handle it.its stupid i have to put up with them being stupid and let them do what they want.so its only fair right?honestly im to my breaking point no one wants to listen no one wants to help they all just want me to do what they want. im over hiding things i dont care anymore.Do i have to yell im a cutter at the top of my lungs just so people will know that theres people out there like that and their not just people to make fun of. All people do is walk around all day long and be fake just so they think their happy. im NOT FAKE and atleast i know i have a problem everyone is afriad to admit they have one too. everyone has problems so why act like u dont.YES i do illegal things and yes i cut what in the heck is everyone gonna do about it?nothing just like they have been all my life. no one has ever been there for me so why are they gonna start now?b/c i cut? thats stupid treat me like im human dont give me pitty b/c i pitty u cuz u cant admit whats wrong with u.sorry i had to vent

i'm not a mom but i do cut.well i haven't latly but about this time last year my mom found out about me. i was doing it for almostt a year before she found out. i know your scared,upset every emotion is probly going through your body.the main thing my parnets didn't do that i think u should to is not let your pain,anger any feelings get in the way of helping ur daughter. she needs u right now and the last thing u should do is make her feel worse.cuz shes probly scared too.theres many reasons for a person to cut or anything of that sort. u have to talk to ur daughter ask her questions. some people dont know why they do it,its something for deep down so if she says she dont know dont tell her she does. try and figure out why.sorry thats the best advice i can give sorry if u want u can pm me.good luck and never give up on ur daughter or urself

the main prob in my life that im trying to deal with is my cutting.yeah i have alot going on right now but im trying to work everything out with out cutting this time.im not going to hurt everyone agian

so i have no clue whats going on with me, i mean i've been doing good but latly i dont know what it is.i haven't done anything yet but i dont know how long before i do. i guess i couldnt pass the test, i m not strong enough.And ill be the 1st to admit i cant do it.and who am i suposed to talk to. no one can be here for me right now.And who am i kidding stopping my cutting when im almost 2 years in.silly me i guess i need to face it i cant i wont and i dont want to stop this. sorry guess i just needed to vent alittle

i'm glad the people here helped you.

well last time i told myself to stop i wrote it in my skin. that was my way of getting myself to stop. now me and alot of peoples mistake is staying in your room or something alone. yes friends on the phone do help but once agian your alone. someone talking you out of it and someone actully being there are 2 different stories. now what i think would help you not do it is if you go somewhere were there are people cuz you probly wont do it if someones around. or call a friend and ask them to come over idk thats what i thin. hope it helps

hey guys 1st thanks for replying even though you didn't have to. I know all of what your saying is true.And i know that cutting isn't going to help me in anyway.It wont fix my life or my probs and it srue wont take the scars away. I know its not right thats correct everyone i said its NOT RIGHT. It makes me feel like crap knowing some people go through worse but i resort to this. But i guess some people can handle it and i can't. I'm not going to be fake anymore. i like to say i'm not but i know i am. All this stuff builds up and up until i can't take it. I wont lie i did hurt myself monday in school with a staple over the stupidest thing ever. I want to stop but this is me i only can choose no one esle can.I have to do this on my own and i've been trying but it just happens. I know i guess i could do it if i want to.BUt everyone goes through so much pain and i can't take it i feel so bad for them its stupid i know but i feel like in some way me hurting is better then them hurting.But it just leaves 2 people hurt over some thing i have no control over or have anything to do with.SO see i know that i know its not right and sorry for taking away peoples time.

ok so... People who have read my past posts know that i have had in the "past" a cutting problem. But honestly i don't think my problem is over with. i got out of councling cuz i figured i was fine and i would only lie anyway. I was in there for like 6 months.I have said in my posts before everyone goes back to their habbit atleast once.BUt i've went back way more than once and thats not good.And i know some people might not want to here this but honestly i really want to do it agian i mean like i used to.My only problem is the hurting people the reason i starting in the first place was cuz i didn't like to hurt people.I know that sounds stupid cuz i was hurting them by doing it so sorry.But honestly i like it better people thinking i'm ok cuz it makes them feel bette.All i want is for everyone to be happy and if that means me having to start cutting agian so i can fake it thats fine.I know i need to be strong but i can't.i won't go back in to councling cuz then people will know i'm messed up and i wont take those pills ever again.I think what i need from someone anyone is to tell me i'm stupid or something i don't know.I'm so depressed right now and i figured i would try to talk about it so i don't do something i regret.