striderhiryu81
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I guess my first post didn't actually address your question then. Sorry about that. In the case that he dumped you to go after an ex of his then he wouldn't really have the right to confront them about it but they should still adhere to the rules of dating another's ex - dumper or dumped(dumpee?). I personally would feel strange flirting with my friend's ex even after he let her go. He ended it for a reason and for me to bring that part of his life back around would be unforgiveable in my book. Depends on how close the friends are of course.
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Hey Dead Eyes, it has been a long time since I've been here. Hope you are well. About this situation, it is somewhat like what I have been going through lately and I really can't figure it out either. Are you sure that this is even something that you need to really worry about? I ask that because she canot force you to spend time with her if you are not able to (oor just don't feel like it). I guess if it is just a friendship then all you can do and should do is be open and honest. It's very important if you want to continue having a good friendship that you are honest. Don't be mean or confrontational, just let her know when you are feeling pressured to spend too much time to her how you are feeling. One way of breaking it to her that you really only want to be friends (she has a boyfriend so I don't think this is the issue, but according to the above post, it's still possible) is when she calls you and asks you to spend time with her, maybe you could say "you are a great friend and all but right now I just feel like spending some time alone...I have a lot on my mind" or something like that. You are not directly accusing her of trying to be more than friends and you are also letting her know what is going on with you at the moment so she knows not to get too close at that time. Use your judgement on how to talk to her...this is just a suggestion. You probably don't want to upset her and sever your friendship. I hope this helps.
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I would have to say that every guy that I know abides by "the code" that you are referring to. Not to open up a can of worms but I know more girls that have broken this so called code moreso than guys. I was always under the impression that it wasn't as big of a deal for women to date a certain guy even after her friend has because women weren't as possesive as men can be in relationships. I suppose I am wrong about that. Anyways, it is weird that your ex's friends were being forward with you. If I were in the ex's shoes I would confront them about it since that is simply a social faux pas. It's similar to a guy trying to date his friend's sister. If you knew the buddy before you knew his sister then the sister is off-limits. (Unless you meet her elsewhere and later on find out it is his sister...then it's okay) Same thing with a buddies ex-girlfriend. It is okay to still be friends with her but nothing more.
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Comfortable love vs. attraction/connection love
striderhiryu81 replied to berryel's topic in Dating Advice
I'm actually going through the same thing, just that I am the new guy. Its a horrible feeling right now because I have not pursued this girl at all but she has pursued me. She called me late last night saying that she told her bf that she isn't sure she wants to be with him anymore. I'm completely torn over this thing though because I don't want her to make a mistake if for some reason it didn't work out between she and I. I don't want to be responsible for ruining their relationship. I keep telling myself that she wouldn't be pursuing me if there wasn't already something that caused her to question her relationship. When people are happy they don't generally look for an out of their current relationship. There is usually something lacking, and it could be something very tiny, that they see they can get with someone else. So they leave and then they come to find that on the other side of the fence, that which was all but guaranteed at "home" is lacking in this new relationship. I don't really know where I am going with this, but I have thought of her point of view many times and it seems like this is what you are going through. Hopefully me pointing out my point of view will help. If not, then I hope that you are able to figure this one out in time. -
Its been a couple weeks so I hope everything is going well with you Under*. I happen to know that you are a tough one so I'm sure you're getting through this alright. If not we are here to help so let us know!
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I remember back when I was in high school I had a huge crush on this girl. I could never find a reason to go up and introduce myself. Actually I still find myself in those situations now when I go to a bar or some other social setting. The only difference is that it got a lot easier to overcome over time. Since you already know this girl and you have "played around" before (I assume that means that you two are flirtatious with each other) then it should be slightly easier since you don't have to "break the ice" anymore. Just keep in mind two things: 1. Get rid of the fear that your life will end if your conversation does not go as planned. 2. Don't get all serious on her... keep things simple and fun. You are not in love. Women freak out if they think that you are too attached too soon. I have some success stories that I could make a movie about and then again I have more failures that would make you cry. Through it all, I'm still breathing... so you can do this!
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How to initiate contact with girls in my classes?
striderhiryu81 replied to MisterPoppy's topic in Dating Advice
To borrow from Dashboard Confessional "Well, So what if your friends think I'm crazy, I wasn't trying to impress those girls anyway " Why worry about what her friend thinks? And as the previous poster said, be nice to her friend too, start up a convo about your class and ask your interest and her friend what they think about it. And be sure to flirt with the girl that you are interested in. -
Didn't start Period, could I be...?
striderhiryu81 replied to under_the_pressure's topic in Sex and Romance
I realize that you've left the site but I'm curious as to how this panned out. I also realize that your life isn't any of my business and that personal things are personal, but it seems that you could be at a crossroads in life and I would be glad to give my advisce and so would many others. I guess I really wanna know that everything is okay with you - pregnant/engaged or not. -
interested in someone new, how to proceed
striderhiryu81 replied to thusspakez's topic in Dating Advice
BTW, I didnt leave out the whole lunch thing. I just dont think that you need to appear to desperate by showing that you are that smitten by her already that you need to spend time out of your day with her. Make contact during the week over the phone, 10-15 mins tops, take her out that Friday, and show your interest in her as more than a friend, then from that point on can you start scheduling lunches and whatnot. I recall back when I would be at the gym every other day and working a full time job and going ot school. I had no time for as many girls would be calling me and leaving me emails and such. When I was too busy for them, they wanted me! I would occasionally make time because otherwise they would lose interest, but it was the fact that I seemed so busy all the time, thus inaccessible, that they wanted access to my time. A woman doesn't want a man who needs her...she wants a man who makes her feel that he wants her. Am I rambling? -
interested in someone new, how to proceed
striderhiryu81 replied to thusspakez's topic in Dating Advice
I hate over-analyzing about dates and I haven't had to in so long that I'm afraid of steering you wrong here, however... If it were me in this situation (I wish it were! ) I would simply call her up sometime before just to confirm the date. Maybe on Wednesday just call and say that you just wanted to confirm for Friday night. You're still free and wanted to make sure there was no change of plans that you should know about. If she says there is then wait to see if she offers to reschedule, then sincerely thank her for letting you know ahead of time so that you can make new plans for that evening. If there isn't any change then say "Great! Then I'll see you on Friday." You have set aside time for her and want to be sure she isn't wasting it by waiting til the last minute to cancel so you don't have time to make new plans. -
I would interpret that comment as you still harboring some hard feelings and some hurt feelings about this whole thing. I broke NC and put myself through a world of hurt. All that happened was I had an avenue to vent my hurt and it got worse from there. I completely made her feel guilty about everything and that truly satisfied me...but only temporarily. Then I went back to making hurtful comments and little remarks to her about the way she treated me when we were together. Eventually it started to push her away again so I finally apologized and went away myself. She contacted me saying that we should still be friends but I have yet to respond. I don't know what your situation is, but the reason I chimed in today is because I know through experience that if you are not ready, and you were the one that got hurt...it probably won't turn out the way you want it to. You will either say something you shouldn't, or she won't say the things that you think she should.
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Seriously, as the last poster wrote...just flat out ask them, would you let me know if its a bad time that I'm calling you? Or, instead of putting the burden on them to let you know, just say "Hey, I just wanted to chat, is this a good time?" ANYONE would be appreciative of your concern and would probably find the courtesy to be refreshing, since a lot of people don't do this now anyways.
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Please Help me........ive got a good girl
striderhiryu81 replied to aries's topic in Breaking Up Advice
I would stay with ther. She seems to be true to you and the only problem that you guys have is that you are on different sexual levels. Thats almost a silly problem to have in light of the other things that make you happy. I said thats almost silly not because "its just sex", I know exactly how important that love-making and sex can be in a relationship, but many many people end relationships to find that one missing ingredient, and then when they find it, all of the other good qualities of the old relationship are completely absent. Its ,ike a never-ending cycle. I would suggest that you go to some type of counselor who can help you work out some kind of a sexual compromise. She sounds like a great girl and I'm sure that she could be open to a little change also. She probably just has to hear it from someone other than you. Its probably a deeper rooted problem than she even knows so professional advice could help. Don't just go and say "I think you should go to a counselor" though. That would only make her REALLY upset. Just say that you have a great thing going and that youd like to make it work. You would like to work out some kind of a compromise and that you think a professional opinion would be valuable. Then ask her what she thinks about it. I'm sure you are not the only couple to ever come accross this problem and I'm sure that not all of the ones that do reach this point decide to call it quits. There is always compromise. -
I think you did just fine. They asked the questions, all you did was answer them. Your ex already knows what she did wrong and that it hurt you and she still hasn't come round to say that she's sorry. She sends her friends and current boyfriend to bug you. Obviously it bothers her and her friends that you have moved on without her. I am going through a similar situation. I was cheated on and I stopped contacting my ex after I confronted her since she apparently wanted to move on. Now she calls me several times each day saying that she misses me and that she "realizes what I had now that you are gone. If anything I would just like to be friends. I can't imagine not having you in my life." Well, tough luck babe! There are so many other girls out there and so many other great people that I can count among my friends that I don't need to waste any time with her. I think the same goes to you. You've apparently met a nice girl and even if it doesn't turn romantic, shes still more worthy of your time right now than the ex. I think that you handled the situation just fine. The main point is to MOVE ON and show that you have moved on. Its like quiet revenge. Exes like that either want you to be madly in love with them so they can feel good about themselves or for you to hate them so they can call you psycho and justify their infidelity. Either way makes her look good in her own eyes. If you remain indifferent, you give her none of that power.
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yeah, the deadline is up to you. i was just making suggestions.