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Vanilla

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About Vanilla

  • Birthday 06/22/1985

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  1. he says it was because it was young? so what the older he gets the colder he becomes? i havn't posted on this forum in a long time with all the moving back I had to do...but if I am correct is this the same guy you had many posts about before? How old is he? after 7 years, being so hesitant to even get you a promise ring should be something to think about...I see you're 21 naturally you're not jumping into building a family, but I don't see anything wrong with a promise ring. I don't get the rejection there...
  2. I agree with BellaDonna...Also I see you're 20 years old, that is a lot to take at your age. Most girls your age (and my age as I'm only 1 year older than you) main focus is school, work, going out, friends, traveling....definitely not dealing with ex wives and mothering anyone. I can see how this may be too much for you. I hope you are ready for all of this. Anger will only make everything harder. I am sure you're the best thing he could have ever hoped for, and when you get so upset I am sure it makes him miserable as well as yourself. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this man, it's best to let it go. Have you two tried counseling for this issue?
  3. do you have any other witnesses other than your ex and her best friend?....I mean she could have slept on the floor, regardless....but it could still be a fit fishy that they said that to you...
  4. everybody makes mistakes in the past. the main thing here is that he is now with you, she lives in a different state and he doesn't want her. How is your relationship with his son? I have to agree with the poster above, it all seems like a big case of insecurity. What he needs from you is your support, in a possitive way. Not an attack anytime she's brought in the picture. Be happy he's matured and evolved into this amazing man that you now get to spend time with. Is his ex wife threatning your current relationship? Doesn't seem like it. It's all these things you're over analyzing and over judging by yourself with nothing else behind it than insecurity and jealousy... let it go, it will be the best to keep a healthy happy relationship. Best of luck
  5. I think your problems go far beyond what he spent on you or what he bought you. In your last post you compare to how sweet and romantic he used to be when you two were younger. 7 years with a high school sweetheart is a really long time, you guys have been together since 14-15?? I can relate a little bit, as I've been with mine since we were 17, and it makes you wonder sometimes about where the relationship will end up. It sounds to me like he's just avoiding the "ring gift" period, wether it's a promise ring or any sort of ring at all. How old is he? It's clearly you want a ring, not necessarily a diamond enagagement ring, but a ring to wear to hold a deeper meaning. Like it's one step behind engagement? Please correct me if I'm wrong... 7 years at your age is a LONG time to be with one person...Are you really happy with him? Do you see yourself with him in the future? gifts i should be a pretty small reason to get so upset unless you are masking other problems/resentment with that...
  6. I dont think spending a ton of time together now will make things go smooth. Things are still fresh and I think it may be a bit overwhelming for one of you. I didn't break up with my ex and suddenly we became buddies...It took time, grieving, fighting, accepting, forgiving, letting go, having time away, to come back and start fresh as friends. Had we spent a lot of time together right after the break up I would have felt suffocated and quite honestly annoyed with him and we would probably NOT be friends right now. I needed space, and I was interested in other boys and I know that hurt his feelings but the reason it worked was because we were away from eachother and he came back in my life once we were both settled separately and had already moved on. I would really not push for any "hanging out" time at the moment. Talk on the phone, maybe some emails saying whats up or meet up for some coffee at the most. But I do not suggest a dinner, a movie, nothing a couple would do together. Sorry but thats my take on it having been in your ex girlfriends SAME shoes.
  7. ps: let her have her space and go do what she needs to do. If you follow her and push a reconciliation you may only end up pushing her away. I don't know how young you or her are, or how long you dated... but speaking from a young girl's mind that seemed very like your girlfriend in my last relationship...I knew it wasn't a rebound, but that I was having "fun". She may have said she didn't want to be with anyone else but on her own, however that may have been a softer way of saying she wanted to go out with other guys.
  8. funny that you bring this up since I hung out with my ex boyfriend (we dated for 2 yrs) yesterday and had lunch with some mutual friends. I broke up with my ex out of nowhere, because I was young and I wanted to go and see other things and soon after I met my current boyfriend (going on 4 yrs together). My ex had it hard for the first month, especially when he found out about me and my current boyfriend hitting it off (since we were both in the same high school classes). But the greatest thing my ex did was come up to me and say with full honesty "if he makes you happy, then I am happy for you" and ever since, we've been the best of friends. In fact him and my boyfriend go to the same University, talk, etc. Unfortunately my boyfriend was at work yesterday so he couldnt come, but me, my ex, his new girlfriend and a friend all went out to lunch and had an awesome time and will hang out many more times to come. He is my buddy, my brother, my confidant, and we get along better than ever. He is a gentleman and I love him so much and I am so lucky to be friends with him. Now this is rare, I can't say that for any of my other ex's- infact I don't talk to them and dont like to run into them, but they were not serious. They were little phases in my life. It all depends on the level of maturity, respect and love that you had in your relationship. We both respect eachother so much and care for eachother that we feel so c omfortable. But I do warn sometimes we bicker like brother and sister, and it's so funny and great to see the changes. i guess this evolved after we both knew 100% feelings of "in love" were very long gone, and that we would be great friends. It's a very very happy ending. Hope yours can be too! ;-)
  9. Hey Erica, I am so sorry about Jeremiah....its obvious HE doesnt know what he wants but YOU do.However, that doesnt mean you should sit around and wait for him to figure it out. I think it is despicable that while you are pregnant with his child he can do this. Move on and just focus on little Eva. I am really proud of you for handling it so well. Like Ilse said, I am older than you too but I would be so LOST right now. I am also so proud of your mother for handling things how she is handling them. You have an amazing mother Erica. You are so fortunate. I hope it all goes well. Please dont stop posting. (((((((((Hugsssss)))))))))
  10. i like it trimmed.
  11. there is just no sense in discussing these topics because they NEVER get anywhere and most people get into heated discussions. If it bothers you- dont put up with it and find someone who shares your same views and values . these are the things you're supposed to talk about in the beginning to make it clear where the two people stand in all these things. Then there are no surprises! If it doesnt bother you- you got nothing to worry about. thats really all there is to it. its just not right to sit here and try to make someone like strip clubs and tell them its no big deal, because to them it is and everyone has the right to feel the way they do. no one could ever change MY mind about strip clubs, porn etc. NO ONE. however... its not right to get on someones case because they like to go to strip clubs especially since they have no impact in your life. i wouldnt date them so they can do whatever they want. I smoke cigarettes Im sure they'd be mad about that. lol it just happens. I just never get these posts...i guess i just post wont on these topics anymore because they usually all end up the same way. its way too controversial and how ocean eyes said there is just no way to say Im right your wrong. Whatever you feel is what matters. Stick to what you feel, find someone who shares your views on it if it means a lot to you, discuss it when entering a relationship... thats all...
  12. I think you should stop over analyzing this situation. If you close yourself from every guy out there you will never stop obsessing about your boyfriend. Not because you'll develop crushes and they'll make you forget about him but because it is healthy to talk to another guy and see other guys perspectives OTHER than your boyfrined of 6 yrs. We live in a small town in Europe, its a populated town but small town nonetheless...there is a school where I used to teach and since I am only 20! I made very good friendships with the students. Its a small private UNI so theres only 4 girls and like 15 guys....I became friends with all of them nd they eventually became friends with my boyfriend and now we're one big happy group and I am glad I talked to the guys because it all worked out great and Ive made some of the best friends in my life and my boyfriend loves them. The thing is you could be missing out on awesome friendships. You are not flirting, you are not hinting, you are NOT going to dinner and a movie with these guys- they're JUST people you talk to and address in class sometimes.. maybe get a coffee or a bite iwth them during break at college. NO big deal. The mere fact that you feel so guilty is really unhealthy and something to talk to your therapist about. It's not right. Now my boyfriend and I Have the same thing- he doesnt befriend girls for the sake of befriending them and hang out with them alone- he's established its not something he wants to do and he wouldnt be too crazy about me going to dinner and a movie with a guy friend alone...but we've established that if we'r ein a group of people/friends and one of us cant be there its totally cool. Would it make you feel better if you got to know guys better with a some girls around? If so, ask some of your girl pals to invite some guys over so then you dont feel so bad and its more appropiate. just my input.
  13. hey! well I just think she is not stable enough right now. You can't wait for her forever and its preventing you from finding happiness.. It is hard, i mean he is the father of her child...They will always be lnked to eachother and she seems to not be strong enough to get out of that. Even if its money stuff, it doesnt matter. I just say move on. She can't make up her mind or keeps repeating her actions its showing signs that it will probably not change.
  14. man if i was in her shoes- no offense but you wouldnt have a shot in hell. dont ever mess up AGAIN- I hope you have built an inmmunity for women who throw themselves at you. I know you feel horrible, but one time is all it takes...you are SO lucky if she takes you back. I just don't accept it. I know you feel terrible, I can sense it...but i think you get my drift. i just hope she can be happy again. I really hope so. just out of curiosity- would you have taken her back if she had done this to you? honestly...your most honest answer. I wish you the best of luck man! good luck!
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