dmyze

Why do men find porn so funny/entertaining. Am I not enough?

It's been awhile since I posted on here and I'm still going through the same stuff. I take it in spells - sometimes I feel good and that I look good and then other days I'm just down in the dumps. The jealousy is still happening but I think I'm learning to try to keep my emotions/actions under control. I really get upset whenever like we're watching movies and there's always gonna be a naked woman in them. That really upsets me and I start feeling hot headed, shaking, heart beating very rapidly, sweating, nausea, crying (sometimes). I can't stop these feelings, but very very slowly I think I'm doing better at this, but not sure if the feeling will go away. Stuff like porn pop ups don't bother me but movies with nudity do. I feel so bad for upsetting him when I develop these emotions and have no way to express them without him getting angry. It's happened so much I guess that he doen't have the patience/temper/understanding for me to vent it out anymore. I have thought about hypnosis but I'm uneasy of the thought of someone controlling my mind, hehe. I guess because before I was 18 I was forced to see a psychiatrist (when my father left my family, they thought I was having a difficult time.) Of course when I was forced to see a psychiatrist I rebelled. My husband says things to make me feel good (ie: beautiful, loves me, don't worry about other women) but when stuff like the movie thing or whatever comes up, it is hard to control how I feel. I also wish there was a magic pill, because I'd take it in a heartbeat, lol! Thank you for your suggestion for the hypnosis idea - I will definitely try that. I'm open to any suggestions to help me and everyone else with this problem. I'm glad that I atleast know where my jealousy is deriving from - low self esteem. I just don't know how to lift my self esteem up, hehe. It's sort of hard to put away the feelings and think about happier things when I'm feeling all those emotions I get when I'm jealous but it's definitely worth a try! It makes me feel better that I'm not alone in this world with these feelings, and I hope that together we can help eachother out on this!

I'm 19, I'm married, and I have the lowest self esteem I know of. It all started when I was about 15 or 16 - I was quite skinny, not anorexic though. My mother and doctor thought I was "purging" or I was anorexic. Every week I was transported to the doctor, the hospital, for hours of evaluation and testing. I have always been a big eater, but never put on the weight. It was my metabolism that kept me skinny, but did anyone listen - No... This you must understand, was a stressful scenario for me. This went on for a few months. I met a guy when all this was happening. At this point in time, I had a good self esteem - I knew I had nothing wrong with me or my weight (of about 95lbs). I was happy with my appearance, and no jealousy problem at all. Then as the testing and "probing" went on, it started getting in my head that something could be wrong with me. Finally it all took its toll on me - they [mom and doctors] finally got in my head. Also around this time, my father committed adultery and left my family so my mother of course thought that I would be purging or starving myself over this - but I wasn't. I was tired of their [mom & doctors] accusations and tried to fight all of their testing, but finally I lost the battle when they [my mom & doctors - ppl of whom I'm supposed to trust] got me to believe something was wrong with my appearance. I started to question my appearance in the mirror. I stopped having female role models and friends in my life for fear my boyfriend would compare me to them. I could actually see an ugly figure when I looked into the mirror. I started feeling like I needed to stay with my boyfriend 24/7. I went everywhere he went. I despised girls flirting/trying to flirt with him. I just had suddenly felt low, ugly, not wanting to be alone, etc. I stayed with him for 2 years, and struggled with my problem. All he could tell me was "Deal with it". I needed more than that to help my problem. It grew progressively worse. Throughout those 2 years my boyfriend had developed a violent temper of which I couldn't deal with anymore. I was always afraid to leave him but finally I did. I met another guy - much better than him. We spent all our time together and that is what he wanted too. We have a perfect relationship, except for me still having my low self esteem and my jealousy. It's hard for me to accept that he finds other women attractive. I know my jealousy derives from my low self esteem and all that started from my "weight problem" my mom and doctors thought I had. My jealousy causes conflicts. I know he loves me, and I know he doesn't want anyone else, but the thought of what other people do would anger me. I can't control what they do and I know I cant be mad at him for their actions. I'm trying to cope with these feelings. I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way though. However I find it hard to look at myself and admit that I'm beautiful. I'm not sure if it's that I really don't know/see it, or I'm just afraid to admit it or that I'll be narcissitic/big ego, etc. I'm a very modest person when it comes to my appearance or my accomplishments. I want to be able to feel beautiful and actually believe it. I think that if I can do atleast that, I won't feel so inferior and like I have competition in this world. I can look outside myself and see what I'm doing wrong and where it has all come from, my problem is knowing and believing that I'm perfect. I believe that will lower my level of jealousy, hopefully. That is the main reason for my arguments with my husband. He's definitely more supportive than my ex. I guess that is all I was wanting to say for now - I feel more organized and all now that I've typed this out and hopefully will get some replies! Thank you for reading this, it really means alot to me!

I am like you, (I'm 19), I'm married, and I have the lowest self esteem I know of. It all started when I was about 15 or 16 - I was quite skinny, not anorexic though. My mother and doctor thought I was "purging" or I was anorexic. Every week I was transported to the doctor, the hospital, for hours of evaluation and testing. I have always been a big eater, but never put on the weight. It was my metabolism that kept me skinny, but did anyone listen - No... This you must understand, was a stressful scenario for me. This went on for a few months. I met a guy when all this was happening. At this point in time, I had a good self esteem - I knew I had nothing wrong with me or my weight (of about 95lbs). I was happy with my appearance, and no jealousy problem at all. Then as the testing and "probing" went on, it started getting in my head that something could be wrong with me. Finally it all took its toll on me - they [mom and doctors] finally got in my head. Also around this time, my father committed adultery and left my family so my mother of course thought that I would be purging or starving myself over this - but I wasn't. I was tired of their [mom & doctors] accusations and tried to fight all of their testing, but finally I lost the battle when they [my mom & doctors - ppl of whom I'm supposed to trust] got me to believe something was wrong with my appearance. I started to question my appearance in the mirror. I stopped having female role models and friends in my life for fear my boyfriend would compare me to them. I could actually see an ugly figure when I looked into the mirror. I started feeling like I needed to stay with my boyfriend 24/7. I went everywhere he went. I despised girls flirting/trying to flirt with him. I just had suddenly felt low, ugly, not wanting to be alone, etc. I stayed with him for 2 years, and struggled with my problem. All he could tell me was "Deal with it". I needed more than that to help my problem. It grew progressively worse. Throughout those 2 years my boyfriend had developed a violent temper of which I couldn't deal with anymore. I was always afraid to leave him but finally I did. I met another guy - much better than him. We spent all our time together and that is what he wanted too. We have a perfect relationship, except for me still having my low self esteem and my jealousy. It's hard for me to accept that he finds other women attractive. I know my jealousy derives from my low self esteem and all that started from my "weight problem" my mom and doctors thought I had. My jealousy causes conflicts. I know he loves me, and I know he doesn't want anyone else, but the thought of what other people do would anger me. I can't control what they do and I know I cant be mad at him for their actions. I'm trying to cope with these feelings. I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way though. However I find it hard to look at myself and admit that I'm beautiful. I'm not sure if it's that I really don't know/see it, or I'm just afraid to admit it or that I'll be narcissitic/big ego, etc. I'm a very modest person when it comes to my appearance or my accomplishments. I want to be able to feel beautiful and actually believe it. I think that if I can do atleast that, I won't feel so inferior and like I have competition in this world. I can look outside myself and see what I'm doing wrong and where it has all come from, my problem is knowing and believing that I'm perfect. I believe that will lower my level of jealousy, hopefully. That is the main reason for my arguments with my husband. He's definitely more supportive than my ex I guess that is all I was wanting to say for now - I feel more organized and all now that I've typed this out and hopefully will get some replies Thank you for reading this, it really means alot to me!