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Cope and Hope

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  1. Good for you! It's always good to be happy, upbeat, and productive. As for me though, I'll remain the cold dark soul that I've shriveled into over time and be bitter for life. Just kidding, I was referencing A Game of Thrones with "Winter is coming"
  2. In the midst of summer, I finally learned that there would be an eternal winter. Because winter is coming.
  3. Now you accept you made a mistake in not trying again and move on. He's married. Stop it.
  4. I thought I'd share my story here to help bump the thread and just give some advice to others who have been in the situation of still caring for an ex after breaking up. I met my now ex back in 2009 at a party in college, we got along so great and had so much fun together the first night that we met that a bunch of our friends were saying that they knew we'd get together just after that night. Of course, we did end up getting together and were together for a great 9 months until we broke up, mostly to us being young, a bit immature, and both of us constantly meeting a ton of new people in college which put a strain on trust from time to time. She rebounds with one of her best friends a few weeks after we break up and me, being heartbroken and surprised that she could move on so fast, well I just came around websites like these reading on how to feel better, move on, and keep my life going in a positive direction. This website specifically and actually, this THREAD specifically did a lot to help ease my mind back then and still does now. My ex girlfriend was with her rebound for only about 2 months before it ended and at that time she was so distraught dealing with all of the emotions flooding to the surface from two failed relationships in such a short amount of time that she would lock herself in her room and barely leave the house. It was at that time that her friends and housemates called me and asked me to go try and cheer her up because she was risking failing classes and just wasn't dealing with things too well. I, of course, give in even though we had been in no contact for 3 months out of the 4 months we had been apart and cheer her up quite easily because I know her so well which even to this day she admits that I know her better than even most of her family. Well, after that time of contact we end up finding out we had been enrolled in a class together all of this time for the past month or so and never even bumped into each other but oddly enough our professor seats us next to eachother during one of our midterms and from there communication starts to flow like it did when we had first met. Near the end of this quarter of school, so a little over a month of us starting to spend time together again, she asks me if I would like to try things again because she just can't help how comfortable and safe she feels around me and that it's nice to know that I took the time to get to know her so well even though she thought things weren't working out the first time (she dumped me in case I didn't mention this before). I'm a bit off guard and skeptical at first but I agree and we go on a few great dates and make it official a few weeks later. Her family as well as mine were so excited to see us back together because in our prior relationship both sides had heard so much of the other but never met them, so this time we both meet each other's family and everyone loves everyone, they all think we're a great match, and so on. This second relationship goes great, but we end of moving to different parts of the state for school and for work -- roughly an hour away from each other. We do last for a while and much longer than before, but we end up breaking up again after dating for roughly another 2 years. We have now been in no contact since the day we broke up about two months ago. Do I regret getting back together? Not at all. The time we spent together was so great and we had so much fun with one another prior to the relationship tapering off towards the end that I couldn't imagine spending the last few years of my life with anyone else. And yes, I still love her. But I also know that this break up is necessary for us both to do everything that we want to do in life and to become the people that we want to eventually become without having to force our paths to go another direction because we are with somebody else who is currently headed in a different direction. It had been 2 months now since our break up with strict NC since day 1 and I can honestly say that we are both moving forward, she is starting to date again from what mutual friends tell me, she will be applying for medical school this next year, I am moving to the other side of the U.S. soon to further my career, and within the next 2 years I will probably be working abroad in London for a year or so. Could all of this be done while still together? Perhaps. But definitely not to anywhere near the same degree that we will both be able to pursue our dreams with the freedom we have from being separate. What I would like for readers to know is that -- YES, reconciliation can definitely happen so long as the relationship itself was good and those break-ups where not much was wrong besides normal things that arise throughout life most definitely have a higher chance of working out and will be easier to work out as well. HOWEVER, what people say about NC and moving on with your life is key and CRUCIAL to both YOU and ANY chance of reconciliation. The reason this is so, to me at least, is because when you meet someone and truly fall in love you fall in love with them as a whole. This means falling in love with who they were in the past, who they are in the present, and who they could potentially be in the future. What I find common, at least for people my age (24 as of now), is that in young relationships people often lose track of the last part --- who they will become. We lose a sense of who we are as an individual because we are commiting a large part of our life to the other person and, on some levels, this is to be expected. The problem is we can't give up who we want to be just because we are happy in the now. We owe it to ourselves as well as our partner to become everything we once dreamed of becoming and only then can we really be ready to settle down and be happy for good. To summarize everything -- NC works miracles. Focus on yourself because now that your are alone, you are all that should matter to you. Take advantage of being single to reflect, learn, and improve who you are at your core. Let go of the past because it is over with; enjoy your fond memories and look forward to making other great memories knowing that if you ever reconcile with your ex or meet someone new then all of these will just be more great memories and experiences that you can whole heartedly share with someone close to you. And in my opinion this is the most important of all, I know everyone says to grow and improve upon who you are by learning new things & trying new hobbies --- all of that is true, but to me the most important thing is that if you really take the time get to know yourself and look within then you will realize that you have goals and dreams all of your own that do not involve your ex that, more than likely, you had put on the back burner while in the relationship. Get those dreams back, chase those goals, whether it be to become rich or travel the world and meet new people you NEED to do those things for YOU because only YOU will be able to take yourself to a place in life where YOU can be ready to give your all to somebody else --- and to me that is the only time marriages will ever be successful, when both are happy enough with what they have done in life that they can be happy with whatever comes next. Chin up folks who have had their heart broken, time will heal all. Enjoy every moment of life to the best of your ability and you will never regret it. I am fine moving forward with my life as I had done before and I have no problem doing that with keeping my ex close to my heart (cheesy I know), but it does require a strong sense of self-strength. And in case you didn't get the hint from this long post, yes, I can definitely see the ex and I getting back together for good in the future so long as we meet again when our lives are open to accept the other back in (such as both being single) and we are both at a more permanent stage of life.
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