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iamkaylee

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iamkaylee last won the day on February 8 2014

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  1. There is absolutely no point to this at all but if you're bored, then have a read and imagine with me if you will, along the way of this little tale. Oh and by the way, please pay attention, I shall only tell this story once. It isn't Grimm's Fairy Tales around here you know. Now then, imagine yourself every day. You stand by the signpole for the bus stop. You're out there waiting to go to work, waiting for the bus that comes along every morning at 8:05 am. Why 8:05 am? Just because. So, every day, you wait patiently for your bus to come along. And, every day, before the bus, along comes a dog. Now this dog, he's not hurting anything or anyone, just having his morning rounds and a bit of a piss here and there. He's not turning over trash cans, chasing cats, picking fights with other dogs, swiping small children's ice cream cones or menacing people like some low rent hoodlum dog might do. No, he's a nice dog that just trots along and minds his own business bothering no one and he always stops and has a piss on the light pole on the corner at 8:03 am. Why 8:03 am? Just because. Now, imagine with me if you will, one Saturday night some fool of a person manages to crash his car right into the signpole for the bus stop and wreck it. Smashed car, smashed signpole and a fool in the middle of all of it. What a mess. I would not want to be this fool of a person when he has to tell his wife he crashed the car and smashed up a bus stop signpole along with the car. I imagine she would want to smash in his head for crashing their only car. But, that would only cause even more smashing up now wouldn't it? It might even smash up some of her favorite crockery or perhaps a cookpot or pan or two. Let's just dispense with the smashing for now before this becomes too bloody and someone or something really gets hurt here shall we? Now then, where was I? Ah, yes. The poor long suffering wife of this fool who started off all these crashing and smashing problems. She now has to take the bus to work instead of the car. But, there is no more signpole for the bus stop, and not quite knowing where it was supposed to have been, besides inside the front of their only car, and she knows damn good and well it doesn't belong there, she must walk three blocks down to the next bus stop signpole. In the rain. To catch the 6:40 am bus. Why 6:40 am? Just because. Let us also not forget that this fool who crashed his car into a bus stop signpole smashing them both to bits, also has the added expense of having to pay to replace said bus stop signpole. Along with car repair bills, hospital bills, crockery, pan and cookpot replacement costs and making up for lost wages from the time spent out catching buses to go purchase said replacement items, arrange car repairs and having his head examined. But, I digress here, so let's carry on then shall we? Now, imagine with me if you will, that bright and early come Monday morning, along comes the bus stop signpole replacement crew to fix the damage caused by the aforementioned fool. They arrive at 7:12 am. Why 7:12 am? Because they were supposed to be on the job promptly at 7:00 am but they were running behind messing about gathering up things, having a nice little chat to their leisure, enjoying their morning coffee and donuts making everything all sticky around here, and I fully intend to dock their pay for twelve minutes worth of work at the end of this story. Bus stop signpole replacement crews can not be allowed to slack off and just willy willy about all they would like. This is not the road repair crew after all. If they wanted to slack off and report to work whenever they felt like it, they should have joined the road crews instead. Those people do just whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it, with all of their barrels and traffic cones and diversions and things. Oh dear. Please pardon my little rant and for not staying on topic. There really is no excuse for such poor behavior on my part. I should not take my frustrations about slacker road crews and bus stop signpole replacement crews out on you. I do apologize. Now then moving right along, somewhat anyway, imagine yourself on Monday morning being awakened at 7:12 am by a series of loud booms accompanied by a horrific banging and clanging noise and followed immediately by the most godawful, teeth rattling hammering noise and the many thuds of something heavy being dropped somewhere. Lets also add in the sounds of a half dozen or so coarse and grumpy men jacked up on caffeine and sugar, shouting, cursing and laughing at one another. This doesn't quite make for a very good start to the morning now does it? Eventually, the ear splitting racket and offensive conversation ceases. This is followed by the sound of a diesel truck cranking over and moving off. You look out from under the pillows you've stuffed over your head to dull the noise and see the time is now 7:40 am. Why 7:40 am? Because I thought it would be nice to have a time ending in a zero for once in this story. Also because now I do not have to pay that slacker bus stop signpole replacement crew for a full 30 minutes worth of work for that particular job. It should have taken no more than 15 minutes to begin with, but I strongly suspect at least one of them was guilty of leaning on a shovel the entire time and not doing his bit like some road crew man. We must get you off to work so, imagine with me if you will, you jump up out of bed, race to the bathroom, shower, get dressed, comb your hair, brush your teeth, finding a loose filling caused by this morning's racket that now you'll have to have attended to, and you rush outside by 7:58 am. We'll not have that little thing asking about the times any longer please. I'm quite sick of it by now aren't you? You already know what I'm about to say anyway so lets just say you're quite quick with the morning ****, shower and shave routine and be done with it all right then? No offense to the ladies present. So, you are now happily outside in plenty of time to catch our usual 8:05 am bus but there's quite a shock of a mess in front of you. That slacker bus stop signpole replacement crew has botched the job completely. They haven't replaced the signpole like they were supposed to, they've torn up the sidewalk and strip of grass next to the curb and dug a very large hole in the ground and left a massive pile of dirt right next to it. For what who knows, but if that fool gets his car back from the repair shop before this new mess gets fixed properly, he just might crash the car down into that hole. In which case, I believe his wife would be fully within her rights to simply leave the fool and the smashed up car down there and cover them over with that large dirt pile. After all, who would want a twice smashed up car? Either way, car crashing fool or not, you're not worried about this. It's not your mess and the bus stop signpole replacement crew did do a fairly reasonable job of placing high visibility warning tape and, Ah Ha! I knew it! road crew traffic barrels! around the mess of a botched up job. I shall be having a talk with this particular job foreman regarding these barrels later. Now then, before I start off on a new tangent of traitorous bus stop signpole replacement crews and raise my blood pressure again, we'll just continue along and I'll try to remain focused on the story at hand. Being that you are not worried about this mess of a botched up job, falling into the large hole or tripping over a giant pile of dirt, but you are worried about catching your 8:05 am bus, you walk just past where the bus stop signpole should have been and proceed to wait next to the light pole on the corner. The bus driver knows you well and you are confidant he will stop for you even though there is no more signpole. It is rather nice to be the one with some common sense in this story now isn't it? After all you are not the car crashing fool of a person that will be in quite a state later on this evening. Imagine now please, that while you are waiting patiently as always, from around the corner here comes that nice dog, just trotting along, minding his own business, not bothering anyone, making his morning rounds like he does every day. Again, as in every day before, promptly at 8:03 am the dog reaches the corner and lifts his leg to have his nice little piss on the lightpole and pisses all over your leg instead. You are quite shocked and irate and about this and so you kick at the dog who quickly hurries away grumbling under his breath in dog language about uncouth and rude humans. It seems that is not such a nice dog after all. Some nerve he must have for pissing down your leg! Or perhaps the dog is actually a stupid dog and hasn't the sense to tell a lightpole from a human's leg? In any case, you are now in quite a conundrum as your bus is due along in less than two minutes, you are soaked to the skin and all down inside your shoe with dog piss and you can not go to work that way but have no time to rush back upstairs, wash and change before the bus arrives. So, you give it up as a lost cause, walk back to the front porch, sit down, call your office, inform them you'll be late to work and get fired. It seems your now former boss is the wife of that car crashing fool and she's entirely fed up with men and their feeble excuses about bus stop signpoles, cookpots, smashing, crockery patterns and head trauma. What was that? What kind of a story is this? It's my little made up off the top of my head story that's all it is. I just so happened to wrap you right up in the middle of it and had you not been daydreaming away over there and pretending, or skipping important portions, you wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. What do you mean it's not your fault? This is all your fault entirely! I told you at the very beginning to pay attention and had you been paying attention you wouldn't have been standing next to the light pole the dog pissed on every day at 8:03 am like clockwork while you were waiting for the bus to arrive. So don't go blaming me for all your troubles now. What's that? This is a terrible story? Well it wasn't until you decided to interfere with it but that's quite all right. You are entitled to your own opinion after all but, since that's what you think, very well, then, I shall leave you out of my own little original stories from now on. Good luck with finding a new employer and someone to do your laundry. You shall get no references from me and please do be careful not to fall into that giant hole or over top that large dirt pile on your way out. I will not attend any lawsuits, injury bills or otherwise as the mess is properly marked off and clearly the responsibility of the road crews since those are road crew barrels out there and not the properly designated and assigned bus stop signpole replacement crew markers. Perhaps the road crew man leaning on the shovel will care to hear your complaints. Goodbye
  2. You write well. The last line, there is a lesson there for you. ;-)
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