dmarie86

Feel like a stuck record, but flitting between 3 things, missing you, feeling sick at what you did an not wanting anything to do with you, and that strange feeling of how weird it is you dont want anything to do with me anymore. I feel empty right now. Guess i'll just push through like always

Im sick of missing you in my down time and wondering if you ever think of me anymore. It.doesnt.matter.

Here goes nothing.... (or everything depending on how you look at it) These last few months have been some of the hardest i've ever had to go though but also the most necessary and i thank you for being the catalyst for that to happen. I have come to realise many things, done alot of soul searching and growing as a woman. (also alot of drinking!) I realised most of all, that over the last year i wasn't being true to myself, i was to caught up in not wanting to leave/lose you that i was to afraid to do something for me and in effect lost myself and then lost you anyway. Being young and inexperienced in relationships going into our relationship meant i didn't know how to handle alot of things, i didn't know what it was i was feeling half of the time let alone how to deal with it. i loved you with all my heart but was very insecure about what i thought was where i stood with you, but in actual fact was insecuritys about where i stood with myself. I remember the day of the breakup and how hard it was for both of us, i know you still loved me but things were unstable for so long we both needed a chance to find ourselves again. I realise there may have not been enough time passed for that to fully happen for you but i know within myself i am so much more confident in myself and who i am as a women and what i stand for, something i know i lacked previously and something you needed from me. I was far too dependent on you and that wasn't fair. You only live once so i'm laying it out there I know what i want now, and i want you. Plain and simple The love, the passion and the interests we shared are not something i took lightly, finding someone like you again.... damm near impossible. with the insecurities out of the way i think i'm a damm good catch myself I've never had someone make me laugh so much nor felt so comfortable around anyone as i did with you. Going on little adventures with you, to the river, the lake, the beach, diving, camping whatever, i loved that and i miss that and there are so many more things i want to experience with you i love your family, they are amazing, its obvious why you turned out the way you did, because of your family, and i love that You showed me things i would never have dreamed of, love i never knew existed Now im not saying you were perfect and im sure you have grown alot too, have been enjoying the single life etc but there are many changes i've seen come about myself a stability which i would be excited to share with you i think i've probably repeated myself and jumbled stuff up but what im trying to say is, the girl you fell in love with is back but better than even, i've re-discovered that spark that is Dani, and it's exciting, i'm happy, and maybe a little bit crazy because i want to share that with you, i think you would enjoy it Now i realise your thoughts on this will be either that im completely stupid or more positively that it might stir some of that old love and for you to be interested to re-connect again Either way life goes on, i would just prefer to have you in mine You forced me to see the change i needed in my life and gave me the determination, motivation and belief that i needed to change, you gave me more than i could ever have done on my own, and for that i thank you. i fell for you almost the moment i saw you and i want you to know that i will always have love for you. i will always be here for you whether you want to keep in touch or not, 2, 5, 10 years down the road whatever your response to this all, i mean that from the bottom of my heart

i've had a couple of drinks and have come home feeling pretty good about myself, i was out with friends just enjoying myself not worrying about what you were doing. so right now, while i feel good i want to write something positive, so thankyou for letting me go and allowing me the chance to find myself again, to be genuinely happy, for the first time in over a year! isn't that crazy, i stayed with you unhappy for so long quite simply because i loved you so much, but i wasn't me. Now even though its still going to take awhile im so glad that im going to be able to be me again, i am fun and happy to be around, i really am! haha i can be social and fun, i am a good person, i am

oh how i miss you... today has been so hard. going out to dinner now but i really don't feel like being social. its sucks, i want to pull myself out of this mood because i know you would be the social butterfly you always are. you haven't let this affect you so why should i. i'm feel like such a stuck record poor me, blah blah blah. snap out of it already

Mornings are so hard... I wake up missing you but for a moment its an 'I miss you but we're still together and I can call you and feel better' sort of feeling. Then reality hits and I remember we are split and I have to deal with this on my own. Its so hard

the girl you fell in love with is still here.... i wish i had the chance to show you.... you don't need to find somebody else

After all the anger and hurt subsides, all I really want is a second chance...

knowing that its highly likely i will never speak to you again is heartbreaking. i want to scream at people how hurt i am, but i don't want to keep going on about it. i want to scream at you how hurt i am and do you feeling anything anymore, did you even ever feel pain.... i know you did but not for long. i wonder if you have truly dealt with it in such a short space of time, maybe you have maybe you havn't and maybe it will pop up again later. either option is possible, you have such a big heart but a strong mind at the same time, so logical, you would probably have been upset that first day and then forced yourself to move on. i miss the old you. i miss the old me

Im so angry and upset right now. You played me for a complete fool and let me feel bad about it all. You let me appologise when I was right all along. Right now you disgust me, I hope I can hold onto this feeling because I know i'll get over you alot faster. And no I wont be replying if you ever do get back in touch. How could I be friends with somebody who treats me like that, made me feel utterly worthless an pathetic when really you're the one who was ashamed and tried to cover it all up, and all at my expense. Wow im gobsmacked, but at least now my eyes are fully open. Karma will get you and she will be a *****

can't believe i let you walk all over me. why was i saying sorry

don't know why but the thought of you finally marrying somebody else down the room flashed through my mind, it will be a long way off and by that time i hope i'll be long over you and in another relationship that i won't even care but gosh that thought hurts! so silly i know i know but still, i'm struggling with the thought you already like somebody else let alone the idea that you'll get married one day! silly troublesome brain

Knowing we were broken up was one thing but now two months later accepting it is a totally different ball game. Yesterday when I first realised I was accepting reality I felt good, because I felt like I was making progress, but today.... Today I feel completely helpless, I know this will take time but im so sick of always coming back to feeling like this. I havnt cried in a week but now I feel hysterical. I hate this. I want to hate you but I just really want to be in your arms right now. Argh!!

so many bad memories of how you showed you never really cared keep flashing up.... times when you should have looked after me and been by my side but you weren't. but it doesn't make me angry and want to move on, just makes me sad that you didn't actually treat me as well as i thought you did... that i was delusional. im not even sure why you were with me for so long

i've been allowing myself to obsess over this all day - not good. so here is yet a nothing message to you. i realise i don't even want to be with you any more, i don't want you back that part of healing is complete, but i can't get over the fact that you were unhappy with me and found someone who made you happy right at the end there. i wonder if it was how happy she made you that made you realise how unhappy you were with me (not that im saying i was super happy myself mind you) if i want to forgive you i try and put myself in your shoes, why wouldn't i stay in touch with somebody who made me feel good? why would i refrain from contacting them just because my soon to be ex partner would be upset? you tried to hide it from me, supposedly to prevent from hurting me being hurt and this may be partly true, i think you were just a coward who couldn't admit the truth to someone who had been such a big part of his life for 3 years. forgetting the details i know is going to be such a big mission but i think only time and new memories will be able to put them away