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dasnico

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  1. I've been dreading this week for months because I knew you were leaving. You included me in your going away festivities only because I hit you up first. I have no regrets seeing you up until now. I text you today to say goodbye and you couldn't even reply. This is not how I thought this would play out. This is not how I wanted our final encounters to end. I'm crushed. You could've said thank you and I would've been fine. But not this. This stings.
  2. You resurface regularly these days and I bite every time. We're about to be thousands of miles apart for the next few weeks, then you move later in the summer. I dread the fact that I'm going to miss you being nearby. I'm still not fully over you. I can't tell anymore where you're at but I know you must still contact me for a reason. I'm still not going to contact you first. If you want to talk you know where I am. I wish I could forget you. Draw a line under you. Just move on completely. Yet I can't and I don't understand why. Months on and I'm still infatuated. The thoughts of you are just emotionally draining.
  3. Today you broke up with me. We hadn't been dating long and I know you're new to the dating scene and don't know what you want. I pushed through and accepted how you felt because I just liked being with you because I like YOU. We butt heads a few times due to misunderstandings but we kept giving each other another chance. You'd cancel plans on me, change them around, show up late and on one occasion felt like you just omitted me entirely. I'd express my frustration and concern and you would say I stress you out when I do that. Your travel schedule is all over the map and unbeknownst to you I made sure my availability was wide open when you're around because I wanted to see you every chance I got. No matter what. Sometimes it felt like you didn't care. When we were apart it felt like you didn't care. But when we were alone the way you would look at me, touch me and talk to me made me believe you were more interested than you were leading on. My heart would skip a beat any time a message or video would pop up on my phone from you. I have terrible luck meeting people and for the first time in almost three years I met someone I really liked. I allowed myself to develop an attachment to you and despite everything it grew fast. Your actions speak louder than the words you would say to me, but then I would see you in person and my apprehension would melt away once again. You took me to a party last night where I knew no one and you would walk away and leave me alone, almost forgetting I was there. That hurt me. I called you out on it and today you broke up with me. You "like" me but dating me "stresses you out". Maybe it's for the best... Maybe we didn't get the shot we needed... You live mere blocks away from me and now I can't decide if I want to run into you or change my routes to avoid your part of town entirely. You want to still be friends but my heart tells me I wouldn't be able to handle it, but my head tells me that if we were friends I'd get to see you again. Today you broke up with me and my heart aches. I can't decide if I want you back or not. I miss you though. I really do. Maybe I'm focusing too much on the negatives of our time together, but there were good times too. I'll never forget a few weeks ago when you sat in my car staring at me and told me "I like seeing you sitting across from me smiling. Can I see you again? Do you want to see me again?" all while smiling the most handsome, cutest, most charming smile at me. I miss you and not 12 hours ago you left me. I feel responsible and confused. Why couldn't we have that chat in person? You always say you hate texting, yet you leave me through the privacy of your cell phone.
  4. We broke up before Thanksgiving. After almost a year together you put yourself back on the dating scene almost immediately. I head you're already talking to someone new and that hurts me so much. You're like me in a way and I'm surprised you can already shift your attention to someone new. I on the other hand can't bare that just yet and need to continue healing and mourning our relationship before I can allow someone to fill the void you left in my life. Wishing you all the best. I'm so hurt that you have moved on from me so quickly but I'd like to think that you're still struggling in your own way. If you were to ever contact me I would never ignore you or blow you off. I still care for you deeply and I want what's best for you, even if you aren't a part of my life any more.
  5. I was in your city this past weekend. Such a beautiful place. Just as I remembered it. There was just one thing missing: you. Everywhere I looked I remembered that I had been there with you at some point. I avoided some areas of town which would have hit home a little too hard. Some feelings resurfaced and I became eager to leave. The drive home was awful. I cried again, just like I did when I would leave you to go home for the work week. I don't think there's one time I have left your city without crying.
  6. Here I am again. Doing so well and the last couple days you've been in my dreams again. I know I still miss you. I still smile at the memories we made in our short time together. I wonder if you think of me, or see/hear things that remind you of me? Of us. I wonder if you ever dream of me? I still think about you often, but somehow feel forgotten by you. You told me that you couldn't imagine me not in your life in some way or another when we broke up, and look at things now... you don't want contact or anything to do with me. So many things have happened recently where I've felt the need to just text you and tell you... like it used to be. But no. I can't and won't. I can't put myself through your cold responses, that's if you even respond at all. Even now I still can't believe this is how things turned out. We had such a promising start.
  7. Welp, I was doing really well. We've been apart basically as long as we were together. I sent you the birthday present I had been planning since before we split. I honestly didn't expect a response, but your roommate was quick to say something and happened to mention you were a little freaked out. I understand. You text me saying thank you and that it was too much (I'll take that comment for what it's worth), but you appear to have blocked me on your phone as my response went unread. Those damn iPhone read receipts are such a nuisance sometimes. I honestly have no more "tricks" up my sleeve now. Maybe NOW I'll have the motivation to 100% let you go. I still don't understand why you're being the way you are with me given we were basically on good terms when the split was 100% confirmed. Despite how many times you've wished me well, I'll take it that you truly feel disdain towards me or you're still not over everything. I hope you enjoy your gift. That, or I hope the person you pass it on to gets the enjoyment out of it they deserve. You were an amazing experience for me. I only wish I had learned all these lessons from someone who I hadn't given my heart to. Part of me will love you forever. Good luck finding that special guy. Be well, my friend.
  8. You're dating the new person I suspected you were. I hope this is the point where I can finally let you go. I hate you.
  9. I just want to get you out of my head. You're one of the most special people that's ever crossed my path and I think that's why I'm having trouble getting past you. You left my life as quickly as you entered it. It's been so hard at times not to contact you, but I'm proud of myself for not doing so. I see you're talking to someone more local. I'm happy for you, but I remember when that "new" guy was me and I had so many butterflies in my stomach. Maybe one day I'll get to experience that again with someone new, but you'll always be my first for so many things. That makes you even more special. I am not in love with you any more, but damn, do I still have feelings for you. I still miss you all the time. All the time.
  10. My God, I still miss you. In another month we will have been apart for the same amount of time we were together. So silly. I'm doing better than I was. I still have moments of weakness where I'll get upset over you. I still blame myself for everything that happened. My insecurities, and ultimately my decision to break up with you. I've never regretted a decision like this before. I was in such a bad place when I made that choice. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to shut up and appreciate everything for what it was. I see you're talking to a couple new guys. I'm talking to some new people, too. They're pretty cool. But nothing compared to you. I shouldn't be comparing anyone to you, but you are going to be hard to replace. I hope one of these new friends of yours is everything you want in a man. You were my first love, despite the short duration of our relationship. They were some of the best few months of my life. I've never experienced feelings like I did during that time. I know I was your first love too, and that we shared many firsts with each other. I will never forget that. It won't be fair on my next partner, but you'll always have a little part of my heart. I don't want it back. We shared a lot together in our short time. I sometimes wonder where this year has gone, and then I remember, I wished my weeks away until I could see you again. Now look at where I am. I'm no longer in love with you, but I still love you. Feelings are still there. I want only what's best for you. Right now I will definitely be sending you a birthday card next month for your bday. You don't have to acknowledge it if you don't want to. Throw it away if you like. I can't let your birthday go by unnoticed. You did so many awesome gestures for me on mine. I'll be damned if I let yours pass without some form of contact from me. You are missed.
  11. Hi boy I miss you. I can't believe such a short relationship could impact me so hard. I think about you every day. Every single day, and it's now been two months since we broke up. Yesterday was 30 days since we last spoke. I wanted so hard for you to contact me this week because of my grandpa's death. You never did. Just a short message or something. I know you know what's been happening. Today I caved and checked in on you. You seem like you're on the fast lane to moving on. I hope I can be there along with you before too long. I just wish I knew what to do to get you off my mind. I'm tempted just to send you a text just to see how you're doing, but I won't. I keep thinking about all the amazing things you used to say to me when we were together. You're a beautiful person - a beautiful person who I pushed away. Today is the first day I've cried over you in a few weeks. One of the last things you said to me is "we aren't meant for each other, but we're so close." What I would give to work on things to get us to that point of being perfect for one another. I saw through a mutual friend that you all were hanging out with your former fling today. That hurt me a little bit, even though I know part of you hates him. My mind has been running rampant all afternoon since I saw that. I hope you're well and happy. I truly miss you. I want you back in my life so badly it hurts sometimes. I've never met anyone like you before in my life. Whoever you end up with is going to be so so so lucky. I can only dream now that it would have been me. It could have been me but I messed it up. Big hug. Big kiss. You're still loved. You were my first.
  12. I don't know why I still think about you like I do. It's been almost two months since the break up and almost a month since we last spoke. Ever since we met you are and have been the first thought on my mind when I wake up and before I go to sleep. I can't believe how I ended things over such a stupid reason and now there's absolutely nothing I can do. I think about you going on new dates and getting into a new relationship. I daren't look on your social media sites for clues because it would crush me. I'm still not in a place to date just yet. I hope some day soon I will be. You'll be hard to replace, but I must move on. My grandpa is in hospital with several serious conditions. You're the only person I want to talk to about it. Your compassion is something that I've never seen in anyone else before. I wonder why you still follow me on some social media sites after I removed you from them. I wish you would unfollow me if you really want me out of your life.
  13. Each day seems to be getting easier - but I still think about you and all the memories I have from our incredible relationship. A mutual friend posted pictures of you guys at a concert last night. You seemed very happy. I felt a slight sadness seeing a recent picture of you, but this time I didn't cry. I think that's a step in the right direction. I still think we are a good match for one another. If we are ever to try again I need to first get over you. Talking to new people on dating apps and sites isn't helping too much. I still think about the way we first started talking. I wonder if you've met anyone you like yet? I love you, boy. I really do.
  14. Yup. Thought about you again today. My eyes watered a little this morning. But, I didn't cry. I've come to the conclusion you're not as tough as I thought you were. You aren't a fighter. When we almost broke up the first time, you just cried and didn't say anything but how much your heart hurt. You told me you'd walk me to my car. Then we made up because I initiated it. When we actually broke up, you were crying your heart out and all you asked me was "are you sure this is what you want?" I said no (you told me you thought I said yes when we talked about it later on), and that was it. You kissed me so deeply and then left to go on a walk to clear your head. You didn't even try to get me to stay. Yet, you told me you loved me and that you saw a future with me. "I'm in this 100%". When I approached you three days later you told me you had accepted it and were starting to feel okay. ?! So soon? When you loved me as much as you said? Then we started talking again. I explicitly told you many times that I wanted a second chance at this relationship because I LOVE you and I made a bad judgement call. You were so distant. I get it. I hurt you by breaking up with you, then when I wanted you back you saw a chance at hurting me back. Maybe. After you saying we should take things slowly, then failing to elaborate on what the boundaries were when I asked, you finally said we should go our separate ways after I accused you of stringing me along. I spoke to a good, old friend today and told him about our relationship and break up. He was very harsh and said you didn't mean anything you said, and that you kept me on the hook so you could "get your d*** wet" and then move on. I don't believe this. I believe you were hurt and you were keeping me on the hook while you decided what you want. When I pushed it, you decided to leave. You haven't answered my last email asking to be friends at some point. I didn't expect you to. I hope you're finding a better match now that you're back on the dating app we met on. I fricken love you and miss the crap out of you. Sometimes I am confused by my feelings for you now. Be well. I'll be thinking of you... for now.
  15. Hi. It's been two weeks since we last spoke. I think about you every day. I still say goodnight to you before I go to sleep. I miss you and I love you. Every now and then I still cry over you. I'm sorry for all of this.
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