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  1. My circumstances are not important, you do not need to find similarities in my story to feel relevance in these words. You are reading this for the reasons we all read this site. Why? Because you don't know what the hell just hit you.. and you're trying to make sense of it all. The love of your life, the man/woman of your dreams just collapsed your world. You are consumed with a yearning for them, for how it was, tortured by thoughts of how they could do this to you, unable to accept that the person you shared all those intimacies with is suddenly the coldest stranger on earth.. this is bad enough, but you can't eat, can't sleep, can't smile. it doesn't get any more *Censored* than this. a few words to the wise: 1. know this, if nothing else.. All things must pass. no matter how bad you feel, no matter how convinced you are that the way you feel now is set in stone. you are wrong. all things must pass. how you feel now is not how you are destined to feel for the rest of your days. imagine your love like nuclear material. right now it's burning intensely – crushing you. but it has a shelf-life, soon it will be less intense, soon after a little less. after a while, you'll be able to cope, horrible realisations (that you're no longer with them, that you miss them, that life now sucks without them) will still hit you, but everything will be less intense. your current life without them will gradually take over, placing new memories in the way of your old ones.. 2. exercise. believe me, I am no fan of exercise. but it will help you no end. it will relax you, take the tension out of your stomach, give you an appetite, release endorphins. everything you need. yes, you're tired, yes you can't sleep, exercise is not appealing, but you must. it will help 3. keep your head straight. don't get drunk, don't smoke weed, don't take anything else – all these will make things ten times worse. to fight this grief, you need to be strong. get smashed/off your face or whatever and the crushing thoughts will take on horrifying proportions in your brain, magnifying your loss. 4. no contact. (this also means not replying to contact, or replying in a way that suggests you don't want any further contact) this is often referred to, rarely followed strictly. I don't want to get into any discussion on whether or not this can bring someone back. If it does, good luck to you. for me, I know that's not the case – no contact is self preservation. I do not want to hear the voice of someone I felt so strongly about talking to me like I'm someone who just called to sell them insurance. they won't call you by the name they used to when they loved you, you may hear no love in their voice, no warmth – this is crushing. don't put yourself through it. if they made a mistake, if they can't live without you, they'll let you know. the alternative is that they feel for you, but don't want to change their mind – this will also screw you. you'll seize on it, want to believe there's a chance. you will beg. don't deceive yourself into thinking that if they could only hear you cry, hear how upset you are, they would come back. wrong. they underwent a mental process to get to the point of ending it with you, often that is quite a step to take, they have now ended it and are in a completely different mental place to you – this contrast will often lead to a disastrous conversation that will set you back. press on. the less you expect contact, emails, texts.. the quicker you can move out of the grief you're in. 5. be cruel to be kind. I removed all numbers from cellphones, email addresses, deleted all old emails, got rid of photos, anything that could remind me. you don't need to see his/her name when you scroll through your numbers, don't need to see those emails or pics from a time when you were so happy together. it is too much of a contrast with what you're going through now. often you don't want to remove traces of them because this is tantamount to admitting its over. the problem is, it is over – look after number one. less reminders equals better mental state. be disciplined. 6. try and spend time with old friends, family, people who care, doing things that are easy going – movies, a quiet drink etc. give yourself time. you will still be gripped by the horror of it every 5 minutes and when you get back to your empty home!! no one said it was easy. but again, remember point 1 – all things must pass. press on. 7. expect this to be (PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR). this is no party. when you wake up from a fitful 3 hours sleep with what feels like a blender in your stomach.. try and smile in the face of it. you are living life. life is glorious, but also more crushing than can be put into words. congratulate yourself for being out there in the thick of it. you are doing what you were meant to do in life – experiencing the pain that often comes with the pleasure. be brave. 8. all things must pass. one day, you won't remember exactly how you felt right now. the worst thing is, other bad stuff may well have happened by then. but guess what? you'll deal with that too..
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