Amore

Day One (again) - The ex came in contact with me just a couple of hours after my last post (told you it's going to be nearly impossible!) I was watching a movie in my neighbor's room (lives in the room between me and my ex, and also the guy I was dancing with last night) who I suspect likes me, when I fell asleep in his bed. I woke up to my neighbor cuddled next to me (creepy, because I have no feelings for him) saying hi to my ex. My ex had come in to say hello and found me there. I jumped out of bed and told my neighbor that I didn't realize I fell asleep and was going to take a nap in my own room. I wasn't planning on saying anything to my ex, but he commented that I was wearing a new shirt and it was nice - I just replied with thanks and that I liked the bright color because it forced me to be in a happy mood. I'm planning on telling my neighbor tonight that I don't appreciate his advances, as I am going through a tough breakup and don't have feelings for him. My roommate (who is also friends with my ex) is planning on telling my ex to watch out for our neighbor because he tends to get violent when he's rejected. My neighbor liked my roommate last semester and he threw things at the guy that she rejected him for. Would it count as contacting my ex if my roommate gives him the heads up? I feel like it's cheating the NC because I know what he's going to hear and I most likely will find out his response. Guess I have to start over tomorrow

Day 1 - Today starts my first day of NC. My boyfriend asked to go on a break this past Sunday - we have been dating for 2 years, and are freshmen at the same university. Last Thursday (two days ago), he decided to make the break a permanent break-up, as he is unsure what he wants or if he loves me. At first, I begged: I wrote lists why he should stay with me, cried in his arms, etc. He said that this might not be good bye forever, but he needs to see if there's anything better out there. Ouch. However, he asked to be my friend and I said I wouldn't be able to do that right now, because it would be torture to be near him. Strict NC is going to be rather difficult, as he lives two doors away from me in our dorm building and is in one of my four classes. Also, all of our friends here in college are mutual between the both of us. I feel the breakup is largely due to the fact that I was slightly controlling - he wanted to go out and party more, and I'm not as crazy and would get upset if he got too drunk/out of control. Last night (a day after the breakup), I went out with my girlfriends - which happened to be the same place he was with the guys. I tried dancing with him (after dancing with another guy), but he was too drunk to understand what was going on. From that point on, I've decided to go NC. Today has been going well. I only saw him once, as I was passing by my neighbor's door to say goodbye before I went shopping - and I don't think the ex even saw me. I've been keeping busy, and all of my friends here have been a great support system. However, my friends (particularly the guys) have been voluntarily giving me updates on the ex - and I know I need to end that communication. I'm afraid he'll get angry at my NC. I'm afraid he'll think I'm going out and doing my thing because I no longer care about him - which is obviously not the case. He is looking for a possible reconciliation in the future, and I want to leave that door open. I'm considering telling him (either by a note or having one of our mutual friends speak on my behalf) that the only reason I can't contact him is because it's too painful to see him because I love him too much. Would this be a good idea? I'd appreciate any help as I can get during this time. Good luck to everyone!

I did, I just got off the phone with him. He cried for a while and then said that he'll make a decision tomorrow. *is a mess*

I actually did my "senior paper" (a project that all our hs seniors are required to do) on video game addiction. It got him to stop for a while, at least some of the games he used to play. But he still plays Warcraft, and there's the whole Science Olympiads ordeal.

I talked about it to him today (after he showed up late because of it) and he basically said that Science Olympiads is, and will be, more important than me, but it will end eventually. Which is completely understandable, but after this obsession, it'll just be something else. Just like he was obsessed with video games before. He tells me that he has "obsession cycles" where he always has to be obsessed with something. I'm afraid that I fell in love with him when he was obsessed with me, but that "cycle" is now over. I've expressed this to him but he said that "just because I'm obsessed with other things doesn't mean that I don't love you." I guess that makes sense. I just feel needy/clingy now though.

My boyfriend and I split all the engineering/building events. Yes, they take a lot of time and I really enjoy it but it's been a recurring problem where he forgets to call, hangs up on me early, and shows up late to dates because he's so obsessed with the events. And it makes me feel terrible because I have the same responsibilities for the team but I don't blow him off for them. People have been telling me that for ages, but for some reason, what you just said finally clicked with me. Thanks

I don't really expect him to make me number 1 again, I just wish I cared about my hobbies more than him, then this wouldn't be an issue. I'm so frustrated trying to find something to care about more than him.

Boys are so confusing though! My boyfriend tells me how he wants to marry me and have a family together and I'm so naive that I believe it o__o; I don't want to break up, I just want to care about him less.

That's my problem right there... I take relationships too seriously. Of course, family/school always comes first, for me as well. (I guess I shouldn't have included those in my posts.) I was talking more about hobbies (damn those video games!) Although the video game bit has gotten a lot better lately, it's mainly the science olympiad thing. I'm in it as well and we're partners for pretty much all the events but I wouldn't ever dream about putting a one-time event before him >.

Is it unreasonable to expect to be the number 1 priority in your S.O's life? I have always placed my relationships as the most important thing to me, but I don't think I've ever gotten that back. Of course, I still have a life... that's very important in a relationship. I have other interests and hobbies, I spend a lot of time with friends and family, I dedicated a lot of time into my job (before it went out of business), and I put a lot of effort into being a straight-A student, but my boyfriend always matters more to me than anything else. Is this wrong? My ex used to routinely say how there were a good 5-6 things in his life that mattered more to him than me: work, soccer, video games, working out, family, school, etc. My current boyfriend tells me that his job, science olympiads, and video games are more important. Am I just being a crazy, obsessive girlfriend, or is a relationship supposed to be this way?

Yes, he actually has said that he wants help. He knows he has a problem... he's cried in my shoulders about it. But he still plays them non-stop. Ugh. I have the most amazing time when I'm with him. Absolutely amazing. It's only when I'm here, by myself, while he's already up playing his games that the anger and sadness starts. My mom says that he's being rude to me and my dad thinks I deserve much better.

We rarely use the phone; I only call him if I want to make plans and he's not online the whole day. So basically the issue with video games is all the time, not just on the phone. Annie, I wish it was that easy. I love him. He has gotten better and when we are together, we have an amazing time. Our bond is indescribable... everyone in school, even our teachers, comment on how perfect we are for each other. Even though he's still just an average teenage guy, I wish he cared about other things. School, college, his family... I worry about his future. Those video games aren't going to get him anywhere. I love him and want to help him with this obsession... not only for me, but for himself. I just want to do so without sounding like a psycho controlling girlfriend. And without hurting myself too much in the process.

I was going to have a big talk tonight with him about this again, but his parents wouldn't let him come over because he was on the computer all day. Go figure. I'm starting to think that maybe he's just not ready for a serious relationship. He's still acting like a little kid.

Well his reaction was exactly how I expected. I used that line and he just said "ok" and that it was good for him because "on the phone he gets distracted easily." I guess that kinda makes sense. But it wasn't what I wanted. *sigh*

Thanks DN, that sounds like something around the lines of what I wanted to say. However, asking him to just IM has the same problems... he's playing the games on the computer while talking to me. He'll disappear for hours at a time, in the absolute middle of a conversation, without giving me any warning. I feel like the real problem wouldn't be solved that way.