techwife

I think I know the answer to this question. Probably a stupid and simple one but here goes. What is the difference between attraction and find someone attractive? Techwife

Yes, Raven I have talked to him about my feelings about this and he says it all created in my mind. I have been jealous in the past. Not really proud of it, but I believe we are married and there should not be any kind of witholding about friends the opposite sex. For him it is difficult to bring the subject about a woman approaching him. There have been many -some he told and some he did not and just happened to come about the information about it. " You said" maybe he didnt tell you because he didnt want to make more of it then it was" fine but the point of the matter is to just let the spouse know about it so it would not look like anything else. OK.... She has gone out, emailed, talked on the phone with his brother but nothing came about. My husband was curious about her becasue she was 34 and single and attractive and not in a marriage. He was like the third party intervening on both sides. Ok, he tried to help , fine. But I found an email where she wrote that they should not write anymore emails becasue it didn't seem right. I asked him about it and said he didn't know what that meant. Even after that they still had some conversations. She even wrote that she "valued his friendship". I really want to trust in him so much, but there are other things that he kept from me, not to good to be mentioned here. Its hard, he feels I should have been over it and I can not forget it. So my advice to all women contemplaing marriage, is to contemplate a trustworthy relationship with their future husband in honesty. What many emotionals rollercoaster rides could have been avoided if married couples would let each other know what was going on with their friends of the oppostie sex. Married couples should be able to speack with opposite sex friends in front of each other without hesitation, not speak behind the spouses back. Beilieve me words and events will always be known to come out in the open, no matter how innocent. Ok Enough said. Hope this answers your questions raven. techwife

Hey, My husband witheld information that he went out to lunch with a mutual friend, who is single and attractive. He was trying to match her up with his brother. He never told me about the "lunch engagement", that's what he called it. I found out about 2months later. I was very upset . It felt like trust was broken and I felt betrayed. We have been married 15 years and I thought we didn't keep things like this from each other. Did I over react? Is this a lie? or is this common among married men not to tell wife everythiing. Nothing happened, but it sure seem like it did. Any insight appreciated. techwife

Chaka you said "just meeting other women alone and having close private communications with them behind your partner's back is still pretty bad. " That's where I know you are understanding where I come from. About me putting myself in his place, he said that he would ask the question why I didn't tell him and keep going. He says he is secure in himself and that I will not betray him.... On the other hand with this woman they had conversations by email, and this lunch "engagement" which he called it. When we were together in church she would not go around him when I was near only when he was alone. I still need to get this off my chest its a hard thing to let go of. He understands and accepts now that is not ok for him to go out alone with women. I don't why this ruffles my feathers but it does. Why can't I be like the norm and not think the worse when nothing is happening. Thanks, Mari

Mery... I did confront the day I found out which happened 1 1/2 years ago. It is terrible that this still bugs me to this day. I will get over one day soon. I don't think about it as much as I use to, but still have some thoughts about our 15 years of marriage and what else he did not tell me. Take Care, thanks, mari

Thanks merymay for your reply. No, this was not the only time he went out alone with a woman, there were other women he took out to lunch and he said they were only lunches, nothing else. You know it would be ok if you can keep your wife in the loop of things too. I found emails from this woman telling him she "valued his friendship". I never even told my husband about how much I valued him and it had to come from someone else. I just felt "abandoned". I could never imagine not telling my best friend things that have in this journey called life. I think that is what hurts me the most and that is what is keeping me from healing completely. Rebuilding slowly but surely. Thanks, Mari

Hey everyone! Just have a question> My husband went to lunch with a single woman from our church. That is fine but he did not tell me about it. I found out and got upset at the fact he didn't inform me. He was trying to set this woman and his brother up, and just took her out he says to see why didn't they click. Its been a year and 1/2, of course its a long time to be dwelling on this, but what do you think?