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Coily

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Coily last won the day on March 14

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  1. I don't consider this off topic at all in this discussion of dating in the modern era! As you, @mylolita, and @rainbowsandroses; have discussed there is a strange dismissal of the struggling men. It's as if addressing that men are struggling is "neo-misogyny"(LOL), or being indifferent/hostile to women's struggles. It shouldn't be! All of this, to me plays into the further antagonism between the sexes. I would liken this to a barking dog. One doesn't train a dog from bad habits by bullying or beating them, corrective coercion is how you get through. If some upset guy comes on here and the first thing he is smacked with is "You're a neo-misogynist!" Do you think he will listen to reason? Bullying, berating them, calling them a hate group will only reinforce their negative beliefs. Do I approve or endorse that radical line of thought? No. However, I can see where if the only people not bullying someone are the ones amplifying those negative ideas that individuals will feel justified in those beliefs and attitudes. How does that relate to courtship (still not rutting animals) and dating? I think we are getting a lot of negative reinforcement of harmful ideas on how to communicate in dating. A lot of people will just plow forward with a bad set of assumptions, and next thing they are on a forum lamenting a situation because they have never learned positive communications. Personally I find all of this thread rather enlightening, detours and all.
  2. Again I strongly and respectfully disagree, mostly due to my background in the professional history field. What we may deem barbaric, could given at any point in time or culture be considered highly complimentary. What is someone's oppression is considered liberating by another. Our historical perspectives are generally only as long as the years we have put on, so what is our common and accepted narrative is biased. As to have women, from the modern perspective been treated as the "other" sure. I think where the push back occurs is when it's perceived or openly declared (Clementine Ford) as revenge against men. It only takes one bitter pill in either bottle to put everyone on edge. I also think that a lot of people, even some on here, just want to wind others up for some perverse pleasure. They will make leading statements or willingly attribute the worst intentions, when most people only catch a glimpse of someone on their worst day. I'd much rather just mind my own business and let everyone be.
  3. Same!!! I find it really bothersome that some people just have such hate in their souls and are trying to foster it among other. And tragic that some people are swayed by it. There are so many bad actors out there who push their vile attitudes for fame and fortune, or who will flame the fires of fate for clout in small circles. We need more cautious optimism.
  4. I can’t fully agree with your historical assessment, specifically I wouldn’t call that antagonism between the sexes, rather the cultural norms and etiquette of the day. Something which we in this modern era may recoil at, but we have views that break hard from the past millennia; for good or ill. To the real crux of what we are discussing here. One of the key differences that separate this era from the past is that antagonism used to be more broken down by class, race, culture, and religion; but pure antagonism by Sex on such a wide scale is relatively new. What used to be fringe ideologues like Andrew Tate and Andrea Dworkin, have come to the fore front of public thought. Brotater and his pick-up artist horse droppings, have encouraged men to view women only as conquest opportunities. And Dworkin championed the school of thought that: “Intercourse is the pure, sterile, formal expression of men's contempt for women; but that contempt can turn gothic and express itself in many sexual and sadistic practices that eschew intercourse per se.” Intercourse 1987 Radical elements of feminism spawn MGTOW; where neither values what the opposite sex brings as individuals. There is a constant cycle of radicalization between the sexes in social media, that fuel the self justification of hating the other. The infantile notion that one side has to be a hate group if it opposes something that is one’s personal pet cause. Then events like MeToo, which should have brought to light and curtailed awful sexist practices, instead became compromised crusade to further sew distrust between the sexes. So often what should be a unifying moment either becomes exposed as false, or weaponized. While none of this is particularly new in human existence, what is new is the reach and depth of impact on people that are least effected. All of this, to me, makes a lot of people to fear the opposite sex; without any justification. This blind fear makes courtship and dating a bizarre and twisted reflection of past practices. Something that makes it hard to navigate. The end result? No idea. I just commenting on my impressions of why there is more open antagonism between the sexes.
  5. Good to hear that you two are working on things and finding other ways to bond!
  6. Why did the break happen? And how old are you two? On the surface this isn't a good look for him. He's potent at least. But you are not being too harsh in judging him for his actions. Depending on the break, and what was going on in his life, he can probably reason himself in circles; but is this the kind of life you want to have? Are you ready for a life where 3 kids will/should take precedence over your relationship with this guy? You can be pro what ever you like, but don't allow yourself to be pushed into a corner that you cannot live with in the long term.
  7. Clearly you need to put on your most seductive clothing, knock on his door and ask : "Can I have a cup of you?" Then go full femme fatale. Kidding I genuinely think you just need to find moments to say hello, think of a few topics that are low key and no pressure that can spark a conversation. You may have to go out of your way, but nothing wrong with that. Be willing to ask him about a coffee shop near by, if he speaks well of it, or hasn't been ask if he would like to join you. I agree with Jaunty, there are lots of ways to show interest that aren't like the joke earlier.
  8. This, I think gets to some of the elements that are very difficult to parse in modern dating and courtship (no, not some animal rutting). All of what we are facing is a relatively new paradigm in the history of humanity, in that women and men are being encouraged to be antagonistic towards each other. Like Social media, and other technology; we have not as a species fully adapted to the world in which we now live. Throw in the complications of the last decades in the social sphere of men and women's interactions being scrutinized to find the merest excuse to deem someone not worth the time and attention. It's no wonder everyone dating is suffering from the lack of social guide rails. Now, that's not me saying there need to be some rigid orthodoxy, as some would wrongly assume. But there is no simple direct way for courtship to proceed. Everything is fraught with social pitfalls now that didn't used to instill a timidity in interactions.
  9. Wasn't really addressing you, or people who provide insight and anecdotes.
  10. Mutually abusive. Both of you seemed to continually escalate disagreements, and neither of you is justified to behave this way. Right now you need to follow through with the separation and eventual divorce. Find some healthy ways to co-parent as that seems to be the flashpoint in this waining relationship, and look into some professional counseling.
  11. I personally think some of the responses were only predicated on he admitted to past abuse. Their minds jumped to ah, man has erection, thus up to no good given his past. Rather than a natural response to visual stimulation. Also without being there, any sexual commentary by a man is viewed instantly as predatory; rather than the guy trying to nervously laugh off what could be mildly embarrassing. Similarly, some view being very confident/cocky as predatory. There is a desire to jump to "ah-ha!" See how smart I am, I distilled a complex personal problem of yours into a simplistic solution.
  12. Two of my friends went through something like this with their ex-wives. In one case she beat him then shoved him out of a slow moving vehicle (apparently her mother did that to her father too). The other was shot, the police were reading him the riot act and ready to arrest him; that is until she started shooting at police with a firearm she stole from her son-in-law. Shows how screwed up the legals system is when self defense is considered too much.
  13. And they talk, and talk and talk... The Blood Waters of Dr Z is one of the weirder ones I like. But "Creeping Terror" and "I accuse my parents" are my go to episodes.
  14. Noooooooooooooo springs. <evil cackling> I have no idea where you'd get that impression. It's not like I run around falling over railings or go ahead on-ing. Favorite episode?
  15. People are allowed to change their minds at a whim. He could now be officially involved, could have been going through a rough patch, could have not liked something on your socials. Only he will know.
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