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SydneyGirl

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SydneyGirl last won the day on November 3 2013

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About SydneyGirl

  • Birthday 09/05/1985

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  1. I have so much anger for you that has built up over such a long time. I can't believe I have let you walk all over me for such a long time. You showed me just enough of your good side to make me tolerate your horrible nasty side. I don't know why i let it happen like this for so many years. You never respected me. Our relationship was founded on lies and disrespect and still I was fool enough to hold on, hoping for change. I can't hold on anymore. You're making me into someone I hate. Someone resentful and angry. I need to let it go but I can't do that while you are in my life. You act like this is a joke and like you know I will soften eventually but this time it's for real.
  2. Feeling down today. You're being your typical self. I haven't seen you in over a week and you don't have any desire to see me. We haven't had sex in a month. What is this? For some reason I keep holding on. I know that if I don't call you or contact you, you will chase me. I know that when I show you affection you will turn cold. Yet, for some reason, I keep holding on to the few hours of fun we have.. even though it's become so rare. For those few hours when we're laughing and happy and together, things seem like they will be OK and I can picture a life with you... then we go back to the norm and it's two weeks before we get anything close to those few hours again. And you know that as soon as you call, I'll come running. That's why you do this. I could have loved you... like I could have made a difference for you, but now I know I'm just someone for you to fall back on.. and really, when I look at us honestly, that's all I've ever been. I've been someone you've rebounded to when you're down and lonely, again and again, and once I boost your ego a bit you decide you can do better than me and I'm not really what you want. I know this is true and that's what kills me the most. By now, I can't even blame you because I'm fully aware of your selfish patterns and I subject myself to it again and again and again.. foolishly hoping something will change! Enough is enough.
  3. Tomorrow I will hope for the best. I have good intentions and I hope it is a nice, fun day. Things are getting to a point where the negatives are beginning to outweigh the positives. I am hoping tomorrow and time apart over Christmas will fix that. You leave in three weeks. I'm prepared for the worst.
  4. So we will try again. We both know it's doomed but it seems you're just as weak as me. I love you A! I want you to love me too. Maybe you're close. Maybe you're not. We will see what tomorrow brings.
  5. I'm glad we finally talked. It's nice to have some closure. I feel like you finally opened up to me a little bit but it was too late... I know there is no hope for us anymore. Even if all those little things could change, ultimately you don't want marriage or children. You don't want a future with me. And I know you say I'm being unfair because a future with just us is still a future and that's what you want... But I can't imagine a life where I give up on the hope of a family one day. And you're not open to discussion about it and neither am I, you've decided what you want and so have I. I want you in my life and I love you, but we can't keep this up forever. I don't have the strength in me to turn you away with the way I feel for you, so do what you do and disappear again.
  6. Our entire relationship was summed up in that phone call!! I say we're over you say you want to try, you want to change my mind. I say ok lets try, what will change? You: this isn't what I called to talk about.you've made it clear how you feel! Me: go to hell you stupid @$$!! You.only say you want to try when you think I don't! Go to hell! I cannot stand you!
  7. You are a cold, selfish *****!!! I thought that I was falling for you and you for me... you tell me just a week ago you care about me more and more every day! and when you said it, I believe that you meant it, but you obviously changed your mind. I know it's because I interrupted your plans. All of a sudden I'm not that good anymore. You were cold and nasty on Sunday. I asked if you wanted to end things and you say no. Then you are cold all week and I am still trying... it's to the point where I'm inviting myself over and having you reject me all the time. Now I can't come over because some girl is coming over? Trying to make me jealous? What the f***? You are a complete and utter jerk and for the first time I don't fkn want you anymore!!! I wish I never told a soul about you! I wish I just kept you a secret from everyone because I'm ashamed of what has gone down between us. I hate that I let you back in.
  8. And then you call and say you miss me and you're thinking about me... It's almost what I want to hear, and it works. I will meet you tomorrow... you sound like you want to see me, I hope that's true. You are impossible to me! My heart hurts... it doesn't know whether to keep trying to please you and beg for your love or to just give up and cut you out of my life... I know what is best but I'm so weak when it comes to you.
  9. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to see you! I don't want to think about you and I sure as f*** don't want to love you! I would tell myself that you had been hurt and that if I was patient and affectionate and supportive you would open up to me. You think I don't know how you were with her? You think I haven't seen it? You love her? You cry for her? Where is she now? With him! She doesn't want you or miss you! You're nothing to her and still she has your heart! You're such an idiot! No... I'm the idiot! I'm the one who gave you so many chances and let you hurt me so many times. I'm the one who kept letting you back into my heart against all my better judgement. I believed the best about you and not only did you prove me wrong, you laughed in my face about it. You laughed while I cried and in that moment I saw this for what it really is. You made me feel so worthless! I kept telling myself you were putting on an act and protecting yourself but that's not true... the nice guy is the act. I thought you were playing games with your hot and cold but now I realise you really don't care and it was never a game, never an act, it was me... it was how you felt, or how little you felt for me. Why? Why did you come back? What did I ever do except love you and forgive you and validate you and your ego over and over again. You don't respect me, you never did. As if you could ever love me. I'm such a fool.
  10. You just confirmed all my worst fears. I know the truth now and I can't pretend anymore. its too late for us. Too much has happened. too much hurt.
  11. You have no heart! you are cold and cruel and I am starting to dislike you! You are NOT incapable of showing love, you just don't feel it for me! I don't want you in my life anymore! I thought I loved you! Why did you come back and beg.me for another chance? Why do you hate me so fkn much? Why do you want to torture the only woman who has EVER loved you? I could make You happy, if you let me! But that will never happen, AND BY THE TIME YOU REALISE THE MISTAKE YOU HAVE MADE IT WILL BE TOO LATE!!!
  12. I hadn't actually wanted any contact with my ex, but reading other posts and posting advice, especially on threads about cheaters has had me bringing up old memories and made me realise how far I have come. When I saw this thread I decided to give it a go and I'm glad I did.
  13. N I hope people tell you how good things have been for me. I know you thought that I would fall apart.. I know you thought you would've heard from me in the past two years.. You probably expected some desperate or angry text messages.. I know you thought I would weaken eventually.. sorry to disappoint you. I hope that the fact that I picked myself up the very morning after our break up while you were still packing your stuff and put on my big girl pants and went to work like nothing happened shows you that I am a strong person who was always whole and stable within myself. And most of all I hope that the fact that I had a smile on my face when we said goodbye for the last time showed you that I while at one point I may have WANTED to spend my life with you, I never needed you in my life. People have told me that in order to have closure I needed to forgive you, that if I held a grudge against you it would destroy me. I had tried to find forgiveness in my heart for you, but I can't. I don't hate you, and I don't wish any bad on you, but at the same time I don't wish you well, and I think that's good enough. I have however forgiven myself. I no longer blame myself for what you did. My ability to put faith and trust in my partner without question is an asset, not a flaw. It does not make me a fool! It does not make me weak! It shows the strength and confidence and resilience and it's the reason that one day I will be able to open my heart to someone and love them without any doubt. You will never have that and that is sad for you. I assume you're still with her and if you are I'm not really surprised. I think if I hadn't found out and thrown you out when I did you would probably still be draining every aspect of my life and sleeping with her behind my back. I also think if I hadn't given you a chance in the first place you would still be smoking weed and playing xbox in your mums shed. I don't know what I ever saw in you.
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