Veeshan

Jeffery is correct in ways but one thing this guy of yours might really need more than anything at the moment is a good friend. If that is something you can provide him, when/if the relationship grows beyond that point it will be even that much stronger.

Just don't beat yourself to death over it (dramatic statement). Remember friend, there are some walls that you can not overcome, yet you can make sure that your children see things(when/if you have kids) in a different and better light. That alone can be justice enough at times. I myself was raised by a very racist (against African-Americans and Mexicans)stepdad, I do not fault him for this since to be honest that was sinply how nearly all the ppl of his times were taught. But since he was/is a caucasion and I am a halfbreed Sicilian/Phillipino myself, the areas we lived in were unfriendly to me and through that I learned to see things in a different light than he could. Don't let the mind of someone else tare you down in any way, use what they throw at you to make yourself stronger. In the end you'll come out the better for it.

Aye, exactly. The thing I see here (this is going to be harsh) is that your feelings for him were not nearly as strong as you thought/felt they were at that point in time. I know just the situation from his stand point as I have been there before. To me when it happened there was no bigger insult in the world. By telling you that if you find another to go for it, is kinda like his own personall safety net and also a warning that if you doubt your loyalty, to not even try. I've said dimilar things before but in different wording. But after being with another while you were with him he still talks to you, consider yourself lucky. One of my ex's cheated on me with someone I thought at that time was a friend, I stopped talking to them both as soon as I found out and have not seen either since...I did find out a few years later though that what they had followed suit after I went my way and in time they had a very bad break up..now hating eachother..after conceiving a child that they both are part of now. "Fate it seems, is not without a sense of irony."

Personally.. (as all things here really are). I would say avoid writing any letters about how so an so hurt you, those things are all too often worded in ways you/we later regret. When people think of pain that is current or recent they do not truly think with a clear head, or heart for that matter... They think with a cut a pain. Give it some time yes, but if you really feel deeply for this person do not wholely ignore him, just set the deeper emotions aside for a while and try to re-establish what you had when you were just friends. And don't say "I just want to be friends for a while." To (most) males that statement is like saying "Why don't you just forget I exhist."

Obtain information on possible common interests and neutral grounds. If he drinks coffee, ask for some time at a local cafe or the like. Make your measures simple and not too forthcoming. Some people are more shy in places like gyms than they are in other areas, don't dig too deep too fast or he may feel intruded upon and or insecure. Find a little niche you can work with and go from there. Remember, it does not always have to be "asking out" per se, something as simple as "Would you like to go out to (insert idea here)?" could work wonders. The (to) in that previous statement implies far less to most people than one might think. Also it can often give an air of simple friendship which is really the foundation for any good relationship, if you can't be friends with someone what have you really..?

After nearly four years of being single by my own choice, I had finally come to terms with being alone for the rest of my life and was content with the idea/realization. Yet not long ago something happens that I did not at all expect. All the lights in the house were off aside from the television while she and I were watching Brotherhood of the Wolf (excellent movie by the way). I was thinking nothing of what was happening as she laid her head on my lap. (Seemed like a friend relaxing really nothing else), she'd had not quite a great day so I decided to comfort her a touch, just a simple measure really...running my fingers through her hair. After a while of this she pulled my hand down onto her cheek (nothing thought), so I followed suit with the same type of motions, just soft touch on the face... Then she kisses my finger and it was like all the walls I had so cautiously built around myself came crashing down in one brilliant explosion of realization. I'm sure you can guess where things went from there...(get your mind out of the gutter, I don't move that fast Things went on like this for about a week. Everynight that we saw eachother we became more heated and explorative, it was like two pieces of a puzzle that had finally been put together. (Yes I know, it all sounds fine and dandy...) Now, she's gone for a while and I am haunted. I can not seem to get the thoughts out of my head, I can go into the living room and smell her hair when she's not even here. I see her face in my mind more vividly than I can see myself in the mirror, the memmories of her touch send nearly as much of a chilling rush through my skinn and viens as it did when she was here. My every waking and sleeping moment seems to be encompassed by her. Sounds great eh? Well... Not if it's something you don't want happening. For all intesive purposes she's gone till this summer and then at the end of the sumer for another few months (student). It's like I've cast myself to the position of tortured and for what? Even the worse for wear is (if you put any credit into astrology), I'm a Scorpio...meaning that if she asked me to wait, I would do so as faithfully as is humanly possible, on the other hand she is also a Scorpio so it is as if I have met my match and I did not want to. I've had a few little relationships before, my most recent was a 3 year marriage in which my son was born, and that ended very badly. So I decided to close up shop and lock all my door (perverbial statement), wanting it to never happen again. I'm not the kind who "dates" or goes out for a fling, I'll wait as long as it takes for the one I feel I could/would spend the rest of my life with but I do not want this...I don't want to fall in love with anyone, there are still too many holes in me, too many bruises and sore spots and I don't feel I have anything to offer someone again. It's alot like a flashback, something you could and in all too many ways enjoy to no end yet at the same time something you don't want to happen. Exquisite bliss and horrid torture at the same time........... But how does one stop from falling for someone, how does one tell and convice themself that they do not want what they would nearly give life itself to have..........? I would give her nearly anything she asked for, but I can not give what I do not have and I am what I lack.