RayF

Day 17 This is absolutely killing me. Today was so so hard and I missed her so much. It's the first day I've spent alone since the break up. I spent time with friends and family and traveled a bit since the break up because I had time before my new job started which starts tomorrow and I'm a wreck I don't know how I will do it. She wanted it, she's 9 years younger than Me... she's 23. Shes moving on with her life I'm sure and was sure she didn't want me anymore.. I have no idea if she's talking to her ex as she started to do as we broke up... i called her out on that we left on very bad terms she felt terrible... I let her have it. Now I feel terrible and I miss her so much...

I miss you so ing much. I read through your break up texts today. You said that you just didn't think I was the one for you, didn't like things about me or my lifestyle and share my life with me. But I would have loved you forever, I never loved anyone like you. So what's wrong with me that I can't stop thinking about you I only want to be with you, I just want to hear your voice. If you tell me you love me how can you stand to be apart from me right now? Do you just not love me the way I love you? I just don't know what that's like to love someone and be afraid to lose them but decide you don't want them for the rest of your life. I simply do not understand this situation. Why am I always in this kind of situation? I hope and pray you will text or email me to tel you you miss me and know you bade a mistake. But I read through your messages this morning and I know you won't. But why can't I accept this? And how can I stand not contacting you when I know you're a text message away... and you willl respond...

The truth is, you will never forget the bond you shared. It will always sting when you think back to the happy times you shared together. But time will help you accept what has happened and more importantly, time will help you understand why the two of you broke up. A real love, a true love is something that holds no judgment. Its pure acceptance. If ,was something that led to him breaking it off with you than there is a lack of real love there. By the sounds of things, the lack of love may have more to do with the lack of love her feels for HIMSELF rather than you. If he treated you badly he has personal issues to resolve and he needs to do this before he can truly love anyone. Regardless, you will have to face this challenge, and it is so hard and it hurts so bad but I promise you, you WILL learn from this. You will learn to love yourself and when that happens, and the right person comes into your life, you will understand why this needed to happen. The void you feel in your heart will be filled with love again, but a better love, love for YOURSELF. Hopefully. Thr]e same can be said for him. Good luck and please take care, take time to mourn the loss and talk to people who care about you.

Well guys, Tomorrow I'm meeting up with her. I ended up caling her a few days ago and she took a few days to get back but then called a few times to try and work out a time to meet. We're just going for coffee tomorrow afternoon. It shouldn't be a long meet or anything but the first meet in 2 and a half years. I'm not sure what to expect of how i feel when i see her, talking to her doesn't get me all emotional like it used to which tells me I'm strong enough and moved my own life forward enough to know i'll be okay no matter what. Still... it seems strange. I guess i'll just hold true to myself, keep in check the person i've become, let rational thought prevail and go with it and whatever comes out of it, will come out of it. Wish me luck, Ray

Hey Daredevil, Thanks for reading and giving your feelings on the subject. Most appreciated. Great advice, and as to your second point, this is a valid concern based on what I wrote down I can see how that could worry you, but her contact with my mother was purely coincidental (just another of the many interesting coincidences that lead to us resuming communication). I never knew her as needy, in fact one of the reasons, she broke up with me is that she wanted to be single and free of relationship obligations, to find herself. Then again, who knows what could be? Two years at a young age is along time to change. There is only one other matter that is sort of interesting to me that I thought I should bring up I dated a girl afterwards, who was friends with her in high school but had lost touch. About two weeks before talking to Kristen (the ex that this topic is about), I was seeing this other girl for the second time felt she wasn’t right for me despite the fact this girl really liked me. I let things fizzle out. Kristen contacted me and all of a sudden a couple weeks after that I saw pictures of these two girls partying together and hanging out on Kristen’s facebook profile. This was just weird that they suddenly were friends, so soon after I had contact with both of them. It led me to believe something was up, but Kristen is the most genuine person, one of the reasons why she was so amazing is that she never gave into petty gossiping and game playing despite her young age, if her rekindling with this other girl had anything to do with her contacting me, it could have been just to further feed her curiosity towards me and what I’ve been up to. Girls talk though so something could have went down, I wouldn’t have put it past Amanda to stir up convo about me, Kristen probably not so much.

Hey all, thought you might want a males perspective on things... I'm 22 and I will be honest in saying that growing up I have never had the desire to engage in any homosexual activities, and neither did any of my male friends. Or anyone that I’ve ever heard of, that wasn't gay for that matter. However, there was this one fellow who I was friends with who found it humorous to expose his penis to us. One time he actually pinned down my friend and rubbed it on his cheek. this guy thought he was being funny but it was clear even then that he had problems. Personal problems because this guy is completely heterosexual and all of his acts were a desperate cry for attention. Now... that being said, it seems more socially acceptable for girls to engage in this experimentation than for men. You see it all the time on TV. This brings me to my next point, maybe he's rebelling? You mentioned you were catholic. I too was raised catholic so I can understand how stifling the religion can be when it comes to discussion or ideation about sex in relation to anything other than procreation. In fact I had a girlfriend once, with wonderful moral values and extreme catholic parents and she rebelled against the religion because of that. One way was by sexual experimentation with another girl. This upset and confused me; she summed it all up to curiosity. It took me a long time to realize that people get "curious" about different things for different reasons and just because I don't share those feelings I can't say those people are wrong in doing so. Please understand that I’m not making any judgments here, just objective opinions based on observation and experience. I just wanted you to hear a males perspective on this situation. Good luck, talk to your husband and maybe a doctor to see how to proceed with this situation.

This seems to be the forum for the most buzz over this kind of thing... Well it’s been 2 and a half years since my Exgrilfriend, of two and a half years broke up with me. I was only 19 when it happened and was completely devastated. The relationship ended because we were both young, had insecurity issues and I took a lot of them out on her, unintentionally and she had a hard time with that, understandably. She had always wanted to remain friends, I told her I didn’t want to remain in contact with her. About 6 months after the breakup I contacted her we spoke a few times but she was hesitant when I asked her out to coffee one day. I told her again it was too hard for me to speak to her. We didn’t speak for two years. I’m 22 now. Since then I’ve worked on myself a lot, gotten over a lot of my issues and had a few other girlfriends, but nothing as meaningful or as important to me, even in the slightest. Though I’ve gotten over not being with her, I still think she is one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever known and I still love her and probably always will. We went through a lot of major life changing experiences together. After she left me, her leaving forced me to change how I think and live my life for my own good I miss the time I spent with her and I do miss her in my life. Recently she had a death in the family, and when I heard, I sent the family a sympathy card. She called me afterward, which was unexpected to me. We spoke a couple of times; the conversations have been surprisingly smooth and pleasant. I feel good talking to her again. The conversation steered clear of discussion of relationships or our previous relationship but I do know she is single. Ironically and tragically, two weeks after she lost her aunt, my grandfather, who is like my father passed away. For whatever reason she was the first person I reached out to, outside of family for support. She was great through the whole thing and made me feel better about a lot of the things I was wrestling with. Still the conversations were pleasant and upbeat. Feeling a little confused, maybe scared of my feelings towards her or whatever the case may be I laid low for about three weeks, she saw my mother at the mall, called her over and had a decent conversation with her, asking a lot about what id been up to over the last few weeks. I then went on a trip, called her the night before, got her machine but told her I’d been busy but would call her when I got home from my trip. While I was gone she called to wish me a merry Christmas, have a good time and to give her a call when I got back. My mother who was houssitting when I was gone mentioned she had called again but when my mom answered she was surprised and suddenly asked for someone else than claimed she had misdialed. When I got back I called her and we phone tagged a few times, her returning my call right away each time. We finally spoke for over an hour, I told her I’d been thinking a lot about her and how her family has been doing over Christmas without her aunt and she said she had been thinking a lot about me too. She then asked me to meet her for coffee sometime soon. I agreed and said I’d look forward to that. I’m supposed to call her back to set a date. I can’t say that I want to be with her. I mean after all I’m just getting to know her again. I know I’ve changed a lot, as I’m sure she has but I often wonder if a few years apart had helped us mature enough to the level where we could build a new romantic relationship, with all of the amazing parts of the last one, only without all of the personal insecurities that screwed everything up. But as I said, I still have intense feelings for her. Still, rationally I’m hesitant of that and don’t know if thats even possible now. What does this situation sound like to you; I realize it’s probably a desire to reconnect at least on a friend basis in her part. I’m sure she misses our connection too. Its absurd to think any form of contact will be with the intent of rekindling a romantic relationship on either one of our parts after such a long period of no contact. How should I proceed? Should I meet with her but constantly be wary of my feelings towards her and see how things go? I do admit I’m nervous to see her again... Thanks so much for reading this, Ray

followup to My exgirlfriend and until now love of my life and I have not talked in about a year and a half. She broke up with me on terms that I believe had some grounds, she felt like I was always unhappy and too snappy, she took a lot of my stresses personally. I was a mess during that time but I loved this girl so deeply. I can't blame myself, I was young, 19 and it was my first major relationship, her leaving me totally made me see the light and change my ways in terms of taking out stresses on someone you love. I still feel so badly about a lot of those things in our past. She was such a sweet and genuine girl and my own insecurities chased her away. I would pick fights with her because I was unhappy with myself. We ended on not very good terms, basically me telling her that I can't have her in my life even as a friend because it was too hard for me to talk to her and not be with her. We didn't talk for the longest time. I felt as if I was slowly getting over her. I still loved her but I no longer agonized over it. I felt that I didn't need or want her in my life anymore. Then a couple of weeks ago I read that her aunt was hit and killed by a car and it totally disturbed me. I felt so badly I couldn't sleep and it pained me to think that she and her family was going through a hard time. It basically made me realize that I can tell myself I no longer care but u stille care about her so deeply. So I put aside my pride and decided to send the family a sympathy card telling them I was sorry and they were in my thoughts and prayers and that I thought they were a wonderful family. I told Kristen that despite what's happened I would always be there for her if she ever needed. Then today I got a call from her and it totally caught me off guard, left me speechless and shook me to the core. She was just calling to say thanks for the card ad that her and her family really appreciated it. We talked for about a half hour or 45 mins, mostly small talk, catching up. It was so weird talking to her. It still seems quite surreal thinking that I actually spoke with her after so long. The conversation was awkward at points, but good in others. We basically left it with me saying that I meant the card and that I'd be there for her if she ever needed anything and she said the same. We weren't sure how to leave it. But stated it was really good talking with each other. I told her that I'd keep in touch and we could chat again sometime, somewhat hesitantly and feeling the hesitance she hesitantly agreed. It feels weird that she can still have this effect over me. Even though my life has changed so much and I've grown up so much she still has the ability to make me so emotional. I really still do love her and probably always will. I want so badly to tell her that I over time I really realize the things I did were stupid and that I should have never made her feel down in any way. She never deserved it, she was always great and she deserves the best. Just for peace of mind. But the point may be moot. Why reopen old wounds? I don't know what to think now… I'm emotionally in turmoil I guess and quite frankly it bothers me. I know how far i've come though, there was a time when i;d be devistated but im still moved... She didn't have to call me, she could have written back or even emailed. I was never expecting a call actually. It was really good talking to her… I don't know, needed to vent. Thanks so much for listening.

Thanks for the reply. And i'm sorry about the wrong section... i tried to move the thread, not sure how. any idea?

followup to My exgirlfriend and until now love of my life and I have not talked in about a year and a half. She broke up with me on terms that I believe had some grounds, she felt like I was always unhappy and too snappy, she took a lot of my stresses personally. I was a mess during that time but I loved this girl so deeply. I can't blame myself, I was young, 19 and it was my first major relationship, her leaving me totally made me see the light and change my ways in terms of taking out stresses on someone you love. I still feel so badly about a lot of those things in our past. She was such a sweet and genuine girl and my own insecurities chased her away. I would pick fights with her because I was unhappy with myself. We ended on not very good terms, basically me telling her that I can't have her in my life even as a friend because it was too hard for me to talk to her and not be with her. We didn't talk for the longest time. I felt as if I was slowly getting over her. I still loved her but I no longer agonized over it. I felt that I didn't need or want her in my life anymore. Then a couple of weeks ago I read that her aunt was hit and killed by a car and it totally disturbed me. I felt so badly I couldn't sleep and it pained me to think that she and her family was going through a hard time. It basically made me realize that I can tell myself I no longer care but u stille care about her so deeply. So I put aside my pride and decided to send the family a sympathy card telling them I was sorry and they were in my thoughts and prayers and that I thought they were a wonderful family. I told Kristen that despite what's happened I would always be there for her if she ever needed. Then today I got a call from her and it totally caught me off guard, left me speechless and shook me to the core. She was just calling to say thanks for the card ad that her and her family really appreciated it. We talked for about a half hour or 45 mins, mostly small talk, catching up. It was so weird talking to her. It still seems quite surreal thinking that I actually spoke with her after so long. The conversation was awkward at points, but good in others. We basically left it with me saying that I meant the card and that I'd be there for her if she ever needed anything and she said the same. We weren't sure how to leave it. But stated it was really good talking with each other. I told her that I'd keep in touch and we could chat again sometime, somewhat hesitantly and feeling the hesitance she hesitantly agreed. It feels weird that she can still have this effect over me. Even though my life has changed so much and I've grown up so much she still has the ability to make me so emotional. I really still do love her and probably always will. I want so badly to tell her that I over time I really realize the things I did were stupid and that I should have never made her feel down in any way. She never deserved it, she was always great and she deserves the best. Just for peace of mind. But the point may be moot. Why reopen old wounds? I don't know what to think now… I'm emotionally in turmoil I guess and quite frankly it bothers me. I know how far i've come though, there was a time when i;d be devistated but im still moved... She didn't have to call me, she could have written back or even emailed. I was never expecting a call actually. It was really good talking to her… I don't know, needed to vent. Thanks so much for listening.

I am so sorry to hear this. Be strong, have faith and know we all care.

Thanks for reading and replying and it does feel good to me for the family to know i care. I never got a chance to say goodbye to them and that i really did care about them all and i just wanted to let them know i was thinking about them. I'd never expect her to, or even hope for that matter, but If she ever did want to contact me i think i'm finally in a place where it would not phase me one way or another. I'm content with myself and moved on enough to not let her affect me emotionally but still strong enough to be able to lend her a helping hand if she ever needed it. i don't think I'll ever stop loving her in that way even though I no longer care if shes a part of my life or not. But I do care about her well being and happyness no mater how she achieves that and with whome. This serves as an important moment in my life tht I can finally swallow my pride and admit that. Life is clearly to short to focus on pain and spite.

Thanks guys. Thats exactly what i figured. Since, i wouldn't ever want them to think i would do something as horrible as use a funeral to get close to her i'll opt out of that. She may not think that, over the corse of two years there would have been a million and one other ways for me to try and do that.And i've come to the point where I don't even care if I ever had her as a part of my life agian. For personal reasons that is, but as i said, hearing something terrible like that made me realize that i would still help her o her family in any way if they needed it. Tht card i bought was adddressed to the family as a whole. I'm not even sure she lives with them anymore. thanks for reading!

Well, guess I just needed to talk really. Tonight I'm really bummed out and to the degree, and I'm surprised frankly. Tonight my mom told me she was reading the obituaries and noticed my exgirlfriends parents listed as a brother to a woman that died. Sure enough, Kristen's 52-year-old Aunt Audrey was killed by a hit and run a few nights ago. I feel sick to my stomach, that poor family. I never knew her too well, but she was a very nice person and its terrible to think that someone so close to them is gone and in such a terrible way. I think back to the way it was when Kristen and I were together and how close they were, they must be so devastated right now. That whole family was a really amazing group of people, they didn't deserve this. This girl and I have not spoke in over two years. I ended rather badly, there was a lot of hurt and disdain towards one another even though we were both good people. Our personal insecurity issues is what drove us apart. She broke up with me, devastated me and broke my heart had me on the verge off giving up for good but I grew, stronger than ever from the experience. It took me almost two years to feel like I got over her but hearing this tonight just makes me realize how much I truly loved and probably always will love her. The last time I saw her she didn't see me but she was with another guy. It killed me but in retrospect it was the final straw that finally allowed me to really feel like I had moved on. I still miss her a lot and think about her often. It still hurts when I really think about her. I want to send a brief card to her and her family letting them know they are in my thoughts and prayers. I was considering going to he funeral but I don't know if she would be offended or not. Maybe it isn't my place. I always thought out of slight bitterness, now that I got over her I would never have a need to talk to or acknowledge her again. Even if i saw her. But now all I can think about is wanting her to know if she ever needed anything from me I would be there. I guess when you really love some one, even when you get over them emotionally, you will love them forever. I never wanted to be mean to her because she broke up with me, it was really just about my own pride, to remind myself thaty i wasn't weak and worthless. Events liek this make you really think about whats important in life. I hope they are all all right, Thanks for listening

I don't think they caught this piece of crap. No one got a plate number or anything... Thats another thing that really bothers me. Although, I do fiirmly believe tghat a person who runs around throwing wrenches a peoples heads. it's only a matter of time before they get their punishement, if they don't get killed before that.