OldSoul86

B, Well, yesterday was my convocation and it was a bittersweet moment. I am embarking on a new chapter in my life, alone. I always thought that you'd come to my graduation and spend the weekend with me. This wonderful thing happened to me yesterday and because of the state of mind I'm in right now, I don't think I truly appreciate what it means to be finished my degree - I just feel numb. This degree meant that I could get my own place, you could move up to be with me permanently, and we could live a happy life together - but obviously this won't happen because I had to end things with you. I am also resentful that you sent me that email a couple of days ago, why did you go and have to say things that cut me to my core? You knew I was immensely struggling with the fact that we had to part ways because of our diverging life paths (I want a family - you don't, I want a life outside of my computer screen - you don't, I want to be happy - you choose not to be, I want to share my family with my significant other - you chose to make a terrible impression on my family by being cold and distant when really if you loved me you should have been trying your damn hardest to make that good impression that you clearly desired from your last email.) You know what B? Despite all of the differences between us, and a relationship that started and ended long distance - I still love you and care about you more that you'll ever know. Although my tears have finally dried up, I still feel this pang of dread and honestly feel that you will try to weasel your way back into my life at some point in the future. You made me into someone I never want to be again - a hermit. I felt like I was shackled to my computer because of a sense of obligation to you. I am damn lucky that my friends and family are extremely understanding and supportive and have welcomed me back to reality with loving and open arms. I am not responsible for your happiness, you need to make yourself happy - and the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over, expecting the same results. You need to go out into the world, and not hide behind a computer screen. The worst part is, I have met someone that I am genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with at some point (I had to tell her last night that I need to take things slowly because she is going full throttle.) I am not mended yet, your last contact has cut me incredibly deep - I should have listened to my gut and changed my email address completely. I blocked you every single place except my email, what a massive error that was. I want to move on and be happy - because I haven't been happy in a long time. Your constant complaining about your job and coworkers, your lack of enthusiasm for life, and your woe is me attitude really got me down in the ditch. You know what? Life is a gift, if you want to waste it gaming in front of a computer screen, without any close proximity companionship - be my guest. I don't want to do it anymore, and I can't do it anymore - I was going insane. I needed to check out of this relationship for my own well-being (both mentally and physically) and I am sorry that I hurt you in the process. Don't forget - I HURT TOO - I had to be the one who was strong enough and had enough foresight to see that this relationship was a dead end because I was unfulfilled and deserved better. I DO deserve better, and when the time is right I am going to go get what I deserve. M

I'm finally starting to feel better. I truly believe that I will be able to forgive you and accept the situation soon. This was for the best because we we're not a good match. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum. I was not being true to myself when I was with you. I spent too much time trying to change myself into a person I did not want to become. I am not the type of guy that you need right now. I am sure that one day down the road (when you grow up) - I will become the man you want, but you threw me to the wind to seek someone different. I will move forward, without you.

T, Today you are flying to Ireland for your brother's wedding - a trip I was supposed to come with you on before you left me. It's been four months of no contact and even though it still hurts that I had to cut you out of my life for my own self-respect, sanity, and dignity - I think it is for the best. The past is the past, and whatever reasons you had for breaking up with me I'm sure you knew what was best for you. All I want is for you to be happy, that is all I have ever wanted, and I hope that wherever you are in your life now and whatever you are doing I just want to wish you the best, even though it pains me to do so because we had envisioned a long future together. I love you enough to let you go and spread your wings and fly away. I love too much, and that is why I am willing to accept that we may have not been compatible. Unfortunately it took two years to figure it out. I did not see what you saw when you left because I was blinded by my love for you. This is for the best because I deserve someone better. The way you dumped me has permanently scared my soul, but you will always hold a special place in my heart. You've shown me that I can be a good boyfriend, that I can love unconditionally, and most importantly that I love myself enough to walk away when someone breaks my heart - for these lessons I thank you. Please have a safe flight, and have a good time back home. M

Even though you've hurt me severely and took me for granted my big heart wants to wish you a Happy Birthday T. I am going to get over this breakup and be fine without you. I deserve happiness, and unfortunately you could not give it to me. It took me a long time to realize, but I was only content with you during the relationship. Why did you hold back? Why did you not give yourself to me entirely? It pains me to say, but I was settling for you. It doesn't change how I feel, I still love you, but you do not deserve it. I wish you all the best on your 26th birthday. M