Jump to content

Jaded Too

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    127
  • Joined

About Jaded Too

  • Birthday 10/26/1973

Jaded Too's Achievements

Explorer

Explorer (4/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

5

Reputation

  1. I had another dream about you last night, these are starting to irritate me. We were in a building together, there was a thick glass wall between us and you were telling me to go out of the door behind me and around the building to get to the side you were on. Your volume was muffled, but I strained to hear you and followed the instructions. I walked out of the door, walked forever around this building. It seemed like it took forever. There were doors everywhere and I was confused as to which one you were in. Some of them had signs on them that said "do not enter". I finally found the right door and you told me that your parents were so glad that I came to their house afterall. (My subconscious knows that you're there this weekend, and I sooo wanted to go.) Then I told you how I had the most horrible dream that we were broken up and that I was glad it was just a dream. We were close, hugging and spending time together. Then I woke up. Ugh, we're broken up. The dream was weird, and I've analyzed it to death. Maybe we have to go through a few more doors before we get 'us' back? Maybe you're just too hard to get to? Maybe I'm just fooling myself? Who knows. I miss you and hope you had a great weekend with the family and that they asked about me at least. Maybe they're telling you what a fool you are for screwing this up; I can only hope so and that it knocks some sense into you. The time apart is definitely needed and I know that it can only serve to better us both. Drive safely home.
  2. I suppose you're on the way to your parent's house for the weekend. I really wanted to go on that trip. It's just another disappointment for me. Tell them and the rest of your family I said hello. I hope they really let you have it for screwing things up so bad this time. I'm sure you'll blame the whole thing on me though...it appears that's what you've been doing with everyone else. I'm working on my healing, a lot. I started working out again today too, it felt good. I keep asking myself if I'm actually letting you go or if I'm completely hopeful that we can work this out. It's such a fight in my own head. Logic vs. emotion. I do love you more than I've ever loved another man in my life; I meant it when I said that. I'm sure you will have an impact on me for the rest of time, no matter what happens. And at the same time, I really think you're just a selfish a-hole that always had to have everything his way. Never any compromise. I suppose only time will tell what happens. I won't be trying to force any outcomes, just going with the flow and dealing with each emotion as it rises.
  3. Your narcissism makes me feel nothing for you, except hate. It makes things so much easier now that I know who you really are. I don't feel sorry for you anymore, just disgust. My eyes are wide open now. Oh, and I will be telling the real break up story to mutual friends now when they ask, because you won't make this my fault. I'll very politely make you look like the ass that you are, since you think you have everyone fooled.
  4. Why? Why can't you just leave me alone? You don't want this relationship, so I don't understand. You've lured me over the last few days with your niceness, via texts. You're thankful and appreciative and want to help when you can and hope we can be friends and brought a computer to my son. Ok, I get it. F***, you finally sucked me in. I give you one little piece of me again, one little....ok...I love you and I'm letting you go so you can be happy....and you turn it around on me? I'm the reason things aren't working?? Are you f***ing kidding me?? All of your niceness for this?? To get the last word???? You are a frickin egotistical, psycho-crazy, immature, illogical, dillusional f***ing lunatic!! Your selfish games are now infuriating me!! I've never met anyone as self-centered as you are! You're nothing but manipulation, cause the Good Lord knows it wasn't your good looks that landed me. Such a pathetic little game you play!! LEAVE ME ALONE! Day one...no contact....F*** YOU A**HOLE!!
  5. 11 days of NC, with the exception of replying to getting your belongings back. I hate that you said 'nevermind' and that you'd do it later this week, that means I have to speak (text) to you again. What a childish little game you're playing, but the immaturity is beginning to be more apparent as my attachment to you fades. Its like the clouds from the rain storm that you sent over me are beginning to be burned off by the new sun that's coming through. I'm seeing much more clearly. My thoughts of you on a daily basis are less and less, while my thoughts of me and my happiness are more and more. Soon, you're going to be a distant memory.
  6. Well, I was waiting for that text. I know we have to finalize the 'getting your things' back phase. Did it suck that I didn't respond for two and a half hours? I hope so. And how was the indifference for you? And telling you that, NO you couldn't come by tonight...that you'd have to do it when I wasn't home as we discussed the day of the break up? And you forgot you left your pants at my house?? Funny, that was all you seemed to remember the last we spoke...you getting your pants back. One response from me, dry and to the point. That's all you get. And then you say nevermind, you're going out of town and will get your things when you get back? Do you think you have all of the control?? Hmm, I shouldn't be surprised. Not really. It's all manipulation. I'm glad I didn't respond to your second message. The problem for you is, I've stepped far back enough to realize this exactly for what it is. I've boxed all of your things neatly. I tried not to be vindictive, but I cut just the tiniest 2 strings in the crotch of your favorite pants. It did begin to unravel just a tad, but I quickly folded them back up and put them neatly back in the box. I really couldn't help myself. Geez, so juvenile of me. I don't feel so bad about it though; it was trivial compared to what you've done to me. I hope you're on a date when you realize that you have a big hole in your crotch, it would serve you right. I can't wait for you to try to control how this exchange goes down this week. I'm ready for ya big boy.
  7. OH, geez!! WHY am I in tears tonight? I haven't slowed down all week, maybe that's why. I'm telling myself that I'm crying from exhaustion, not because of you. I'm not sure what good it does to try to convince myself though. I turned down that date, it would have just made me feel worse. He was 23, for God's sake. I'm pretty aware of his intentions. The emotional roller coaster is such a crazy one. I was thinking...yeah, I'll show him who can bounce back fastest. Ha, that was temporary. I'm not ready to bounce back just yet. Although I am going to dinner next Friday with an ex, but I've made it perfectly clear that its just a friendly dinner. We only lasted about 6 weeks (way before you) and for good reason. I can't stand to be around him for long, he grinds my nerves. I wish I could just talk to you; you've been my best friend for a year and a half. Why did you make things so weird? Tonight is just tough, thinking of all the good that is gone. Tomorrow will be better. I haven't felt this way since our last talk, so I know its temporary. (sigh) good night.
  8. Day 8 of not talking to you. Feeling a little yuck this morning. I dreamt about you, but the dreams were just me realizing that the guy I fell in love with really wasn't who you are. I want THAT guy, the one I thought you were....not you. It's sad, but its the reality of this. You aren't him, never were and never will be. Maybe THAT guy will find his way into my life when I'm healed and ready for him. I hope you manage not to fake your way through the honeymoon phase of another relationship; I feel sorry for the next girl. You're all lies.
  9. Its been a week since we've spoken, and a week and a day since your emotional outburst. I hope you get some help for your problems. I can't make you happy, you have to do that for yourself. I gave everything to you, all of me. I put forth the most valiant effort possible, when you were crumbling right before my eyes. The last 6 months were weird, you chose that. Back and forth, break up and get back together. I've felt like such a shmuck with my friends and family, trying to explain the ups and downs. Trying to hold onto something that I should've let go of a long time ago. My love for you made we want to get thru it, to give you time to pull it together and support you. You * * * * on that effort, good for you. See a shrink please, otherwise you will sabotage your entire life and be miserable until the day you die. You said you've been running your whole life....run, forest, run. It won't take away your personal demons, no matter how hard you try. They're always going to be right there, inside your head, until you deal with them. I truly do feel sad for you.
  10. Hey...guess what I realized?? I'm SINGLE!! So are you, but so what. Have fun! This 23 year old firefighter asked me out on a date; he's buff as all get out and adorable. Yeah, its a bit of a stretch as far as age goes but the ego boost is phenomenal. In fact, I must be putting off the 'single' vibe b/c the last few days have been crazy with phone calls and texts from guys I haven't heard from in a while. Maybe news just travels fast. I'm going on that date, and who knows what else. I'm ready to have some fun and forget about you. I've done some serious reflecting over the last couple of days and have really stepped back far enough to see all of the BS. You were nothing like I thought you were, and I put up with way to much. I don't have to settle. For now, I'm going to have some fun. I don't even want you back anymore, life looks good. AND, Domincan Republic....here I come. Planning that trip and don't need you for that.
  11. OH, AND....You were going to fix my garage door, you were going to pressure wash my house, you were going to buy the expensive dog food that you insisted on, you were going to fix my scratched leather chair....just a few more broken promises. What a pathetic game, that's all you have to offer are promises that are never followed through on. I'm sure I'll think of more....
  12. I woke up feeling pretty good today. I did dream about you and some sort of weird reconciliation, but at the end of the dream you were nothing but a text message. You weren't there. I was looking for you and all I got was some little shred of you telling me you'd see me soon. Hmmm, it speaks volumes I suppose. Even my subconscious mind knows that you're not available. You'll end up being a lonely miserable person, just jumping from one insignificant thing to another, 'always running' as you say and missing the entire meaning of life and love. That's really sad for you; I truly feel sorry for the person that I've learned you are.
  13. The last time we went through this, the first couple of days were definitely the hardest for me. 3 days into NC, and its hard again. Somehow, I knew this was going to happen again...I really just knew it!! I won't put myself through it again tho...its all or nothing for me and you! Luckily, I'm remembering how I got thru it not so long ago. I'm remembering that I'm stronger than you any day of the week. I'm remembering that you've never had to weather the difficulties in your life that I've had in mine, so I know I'm more accustomed to getting through pain. You've only had one full blow to the ego in your entire life; it appears you could use another. Maybe this will take your swollen head down a notch or two, but probably not. You should be ashamed of yourself for the things you've put me through, your mother would be. You've acted like you had some sort of disappointment with yourself, but I really don't believe it because the actions never changed. Its all talk, always has been with you. The moving in with me at your suggestion that you 'just couldn't do' when it came down to it, that trip to Italy that you asked me on and then announced that I was never really invited afterall, my birthday when you told me to take the day off so we could spend it together and you went golfing instead, the ski trip that you snatched out from under me AND my son, and now this latest wonderful trip that you wanted to take and then took away from me all in the same night. I'm an idiot, a complete idiot. My self esteem must've stooped to a new low. Luckily, I'm starting to see how stupid I was and I do remember what I'm worth. And don't you ever get tired of being the third wheel with your friends? You never seemed to have a problem with it, as I was rarely invited along. It makes you look like d-bag. You're a 40 year old man that can't keep a relationship, the best thing that ever happened to you actually. I hope you're happier now. You're going back to work tonight and I hope this week on the boat sucks for you! That's when it seems to hit you the hardest, when you actually have to face yourself in the quietness and deal with what's really happened. I hope that work is S-L-O-W, that those moments of silence eat away at you and pick your emotions apart. I only say that because it will truly take that emptiness for you to see what you've done, to make you realize what you've lost. I bet you won't tell the guys that we broke up because you had a 2 year old style temper tantrum, lol. You'll put it off on me, no doubt. Good luck with that, I bet they know you're a ticking time bomb.
  14. Well, I went the whole weekend without texting you. It's a miracle I suppose, considering the condition I found myself to be in Friday night...a puddle of sappy mush. I want to hear your voice so bad right now, and I don't even know why. You did and said some really mean things. I keep telling myself its just some sort of weird co-dependency that I need to get over. I don't want you out of my life, I hope you know that. I just HAVE to have you out of my life for my own well being. We both know you can't give me what I deserve right now and I honestly refuse to settle. Have you looked at me lately? Who do you think will bounce back the fastest? I might be emotionally scarred, but I'm putting myself back out there. I signed up for a dating sight just to get my mind off of you since this roller coaster has been going on for so long. My friends encouraged me, and I've been asked out several times already. Stupid me, I just haven't said yes yet. I'm going to though, I'm making myself do it. I did have fun with my girlfriends last night...a lot of fun and laughing. Some of it was at your expense, but you deserved it. They couldn't believe that I was ever even with you; they kept telling me how much of a catch I was and that you really didn't deserve me. I suppose that's what friends do. The rain kept us in. We sat at Jane's, ordered pizza and had wine; it was a good time. All of them are single, so it makes me feel like not such a complete failure. And guess what? They LOVE being single and pointed out how amazing their lives are for being so. I don't know why I'm so compelled to find my life partner; its not like I don't do really well on my own. I always have, before you. I think you made me realize at some point during the relationship that life can be so much better when your best friend is by your side. When you have your rock to fall back on, even if its just from having a bad day. The guy that listens to your fears and tells you his. But you're not him anymore, are you? You chose not to be that guy anymore. You did a complete 180 and became less than what I thought you were. That's the only thing that keeps me from contacting you. I'm still in love with the guy you WERE, even if it was all a facade. Maybe you just changed; maybe I brought out a change in you. Tell your parents and siblings hello when you're there in two weeks. Ugh, it sucks that I can't be a part of that....I really had a great bond with them. And by the way, it was a dirty trick on your part to show me all of the resorts that you wanted to go to in the tropics with me right before you picked our last fight. You've never offered to go to a resort like that, and you know how much I wanted the two of us to do it. That was MY fantasy vacation, and you just couldn't wait to offer one more thing to me and snatch it away! You're an * * * * * * * !! What is that...like the fifth time you made some grand gesture, faked your way through the details of how it was going to be and then took it away?? And you DID pick that fight, you wanted it. I don't care what you say. You're a nerd....my friends even said it.
  15. Here we go again...NC. Ugh, I was doing so well when you decided to weasel your way back in. I'm happy that the end result was amicable, although your display last night made things a little weird. I've told myself that at any time from this point on that I feel like contacting you, I'll just remember how foolish you looked punching yourself in the head and pulling your hair out. Wow! That was crazy. I do feel sorry for you. I do still love you very much, I can't turn that off like a light switch. Here's the thing...I love me too. I want and deserve more than what you've been giving me. I still hold hope. I'll still have the door open for you for some time, but only if you can come to me with EXACTLY what I want. I'm not holding on to that hope for long though. I wish things were like they were. I know you told me that you pushed all of the other important things in your life aside to be with me and how you had to get that back. You're such a coward. You shouldn't have pretended to be something that you weren't. I was so clear with what I wanted in my life, and you played like you were exactly that. Screw you for faking it!! You should've been more honest with yourself and me. You need professional help, you really do. I won't let you back in this time. I want you to truly feel what your life is going to be like without me. You said you've never had an emotional connection with anyone like you have with me...time will tell if that's true. I won't crack. I won't budge. I won't let you have all of the power. I'll wait, patiently. If nothing more, just for the chance to see that you'll regret this...again. Except this time, you won't win be back like before. You'll have to earn the awesome person that I am back into your life. Oh man, that's gonna be hard for you. Not just the pride, but the fact that you will have to really make me believe it. I want to see the changes. This is going to sound horrible, but you will have to grovel. I won't make it easy on you, and I know my day is coming again. Every dog does have his day...get ready for the emptiness that you've put me in once again. I love you, sleep well. Not talking to you will certainly suck, but you'll see how much I love me...more than I love you.
×
×
  • Create New...