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rich46

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  • Birthday 03/07/1981

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  1. rich46
    Great post Hockeyboy and I know exactly what you are talking about. It is irrelevant whether or not you got her phone number. The point is that you asked her out for a date...you did your bit and the fact she has a boyfriend meant it was a no-go. No dramas though. Maybe next time you feel like this and flat out ask for a date, the girl won't be attached and you may meet the girl of your dreams. If you don't ask you don't get. The moral of the story can be summed up in two words...no regrets. Take care and have a GREAT time in Montreal! Rich
  2. rich46
    Very good post Snarfnaj, thanks a lot. Also nice to 'see' you both auburnslp and Pebek and know that you are both making good progress after such a difficult time. Keep on looking forward... Rich
  3. rich46
    I think there just comes a time when we have had enough of the dwelling on our exes...if they chose to leave and aren't showing any interest in getting back with us, then it's time to find someone who will appreciate us.
  4. rich46
    Good luck Trish! I seem to remember saying that 2005 will be a lot better for both of us and I hate to blow my own trumpet, but I think I'm going to be proved right! I'm definitely ready to meet someone else too but I've avoided even trying as it would have confused me before I go away (2 weeks today by the way! ) I've followed your story closely over the last 6 months and I am so pleased you have made/are making progress! Good for you! Take care and good luck in the future... Rich
  5. rich46
    Hi Yorkrose23, I'm sure a lot of people on these forums can relate to your confusion...I certainly can. Our exes often give off mixed feelings straight after a break up for a variety of reasons - to try and ease the pain, to keep you as a back up, to ease their conscience etc. Based on my experience from the last 6 months, I think that you need to distance yourself from him in order for your confusion to die down a little bit. Whether you do no contact is up to you...I chose that option with my ex as I couldn't possibly maintain a friendship with her. In the days after she dumped me, she said things like "There's always hope" and "I bet we do end up back together one day" and "I can't promise anything but I've been thinking about you." It took me just over a week to realise what I needed to do and I stopped pretending to be "best friends" and it was the best (although also the hardest) thing I've ever had to do. Annie24 is right I am afraid...if he wanted you he wouldn't have broke up with you in the first place. It's incredibly difficult to accept, but it's true. Basically my advice is to distance yourself from him, otherwise you'll continue to be drawn into the loop of confusion again and again and again. You'll analyse his every word/action. Believe me, I spent a long time debating whether or not the 'xxx' at the end of my ex's text messages meant she wanted me back - not healthy. Good luck and keep posting, Rich
  6. rich46
    It's incredibly difficult to begin with. No doubt about it. But it does get better as each week passes if you use your time wisely, and keep yourself busy. Trying to be friends is near enough impossible in my opinion, and will only lead to even more heartache. I was with my ex for 3.5 years and the first couple of months of NC were hard. The last few months have been a lot easier and I'm feeling good right now. Just keep posting on this site and you'll get some great advice, and before you know it, months will have passed by and you'll be feeling more and more like your old self. Don't believe me? Read some of my posts from back in July and compare them to my recent ones. Good luck...you'll be just fine! Take care, Rich
  7. rich46
    Great post! I don't visit this site much anymore...at least not compared to 6 months ago when I spent nearly all my time here! But coming back every so often and reading posts like yours gives me a boost, and reminds me how far I've come. I can relate to nearly every single word you wrote, but I liked this sentence: Like you, my self esteem and confidence hit rock bottom in the weeks and months after our break up. In fact, they had been steadily decreasing in the last few months of the relationship as I sensed she was pulling away from me. Over the last 6 months, I've been on a very gradual upward (learning) curve and now I think I am very close to being completely healed. During this time, I haven't dated or had any desire to meet anyone else because it would have been unfair on them, and deeply confusing for me. Next month, I am going to New Zealand for up to 12 months and if I meet someone special along the way, then I will be delighted! But if I don't, then I know that I'll be ok regardless. I have learnt to be comfortable on my own and that can only help my future relationship(s). So thankyou for your post...I hope you are very happy with your new boyfriend! Take care, Rich
  8. rich46
    No. Yep. Take you or leave you. Permanent no contact. No more excuses, just do it. You really do need to toughen up a bit. The correct answer should be zero. Read my old replies to you for more in depth answers. Good luck, Rich
  9. rich46
    Yeah!! Good for you!! The last 12 months have been the worst of my life, but I'm excited about what I've got planned for 2005! I wasted too much time in 2004...not this year though! Happy New Year! 8)
  10. rich46
    No excuse! Like I said, I'm going to the other side of the world for a year...on my own! Taking that first step is the hardest, but you'll never regret it. And it doesn't have to be snowboarding! Absolutely anything will do to begin with!
  11. rich46
    Hi toggle, Know that you are not alone! When my girlfriend dumped me back in July, I didn't really have anyone to help me except my family. My self esteem was very low, I didn't have a job, I'd lost contact with my friends, etc. But I came through that period and I forced myself to do new things such as do a part time college course, join a gym, got a new job etc. Also, in February I am going to New Zealand for 6-12 months on my own. It is pretty daunting because I imagine I am pretty similar to you and fairly quiet. However, I've forced myself to do something big because I think I will come back a different person and I'll have met soooo many people and made sooooo many new friends! You are only 17. You have years and years and years to make friends, get a girlfriend and the rest. You just have to make a stand and be positive! Get out there and do new things. Like MetalJoe says, find a hobby like snowboarding or something completely new and exciting. For one you will meet new people, and your self esteem will improve dramatically! Good luck and keep thinking positive...you've got your whole life in front of you! Take care, Rich
  12. rich46
    And I don't believe it to be true. Provided that you treated your ex well and the relationship lasted a fair amount of time, then it is almost certain that he/she will be thinking about you. I didn't get a message/card/email either, but that doesn't necessarily mean that my ex is having the time of her life. I used to think like that until she called me after 4 weeks of NC back in October...she was in such a state and sounded utterly miserable. She had rebounded and he hadn't been treating her so well. She told me that she was scared she was letting go of a good thing (me), she missed me, etc. My point is, for the 4 weeks of NC I imagined her to be going out, living without a care in the world, and not thinking about me. Well now I know that this isn't true, and after spending 3.5 years together/being first loves, I wouldn't expect anything less. BUT this doesn't mean she wants me back. I do think that your ex will be thinking about you. But you should try and concentrate on how you are feeling from now on, not your ex. I know it is hard. But the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and not all exes are on top of the world. If it makes you feel better, then I'm pretty sure you're ex will be thinking about you. That is unless they are made of stone, in which case you are better off without them anyway. It has come to the point for me when I am actually pleased that my ex hasn't contacted me, as it prevents me from being set back and/or being given false hope for a reunion. I just want to concentrate on myself from now on, and my only aim is to make 2005 a lot better than 2004. Take care, Rich
  13. rich46
    Totally agree. In my heartbroken state after getting dumped in July this year, I went along with the idea of being "best friends" with my ex for a week or two. I even travelled the 100 miles to see her on her birthday and we had a great day...bowling, movies etc. However, when I had to make that long journey back at night, I was totally devastated. So the next day I called her and explained how it was too difficult to be friends so soon after the break up. The intitial weeks after I did this were hell, but in the long run there is no doubt in my mind that it was the best thing to do. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to be just friends with her, especially as she was my first love. Maybe I'll feel differently when I meet someone else, but I can't ever imagine hanging around with her knowing full well she is with someone else. I think a lot of exes want to keep us in their lives as a back up in case they realise their mistake. That was certainly the case in my situation. My ex wanted to go out and play the field, yet keep me hanging on just in case she didn't meet someone better. I feel quite proud of myself for not letting this happen, as it is completely natural to cling onto the false hope that they gives us. But unfortunately, by keeping in touch, all we are doing is making it easier for them, and harder for ourselves. And that one sentence pretty much sums up why I am such a huge fan of no contact. Take care, Rich
  14. rich46
    You certainly seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Yes your ex is obviously very confused right now, but doing NC will enable her to sort her own head out, and it will prevent you from resenting eachother. If I had stayed in contact with my ex over the last few months, I think a part of me would resent her because of the mixed signals. Now I look back fondly on her and I'm sure she feels the same about me...thankfully I didn't hang around to be the jealous ex-boyfriend. Keep up the good work and things will sort themselves out in time... Rich
  15. rich46
    You have done things perfectly in my opinion! I did pretty much the same, although I only tried being my ex's "best friend" for a week or two. I couldn't handle it, and my true healing only started after I had initiated NC. The pressure is off you now. You tried to be friends with her but she gave mixed signals, as my ex did too. Comments like "there's always hope" and "who knows what will happen in the future" and "I bet we do end up back with eachother" drove me mad. If my ex, or your ex, want us back so badly then they will come and get us. Give her all the space in the world and one way or another she will decide what it is she wants...and in the meantime you won't be getting drawn into the confusion. Good luck and don't worry...you've done everything fine! Rich
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