Hoops

Great Question--hope my answer makes sense. Have you ever walked by or up to the person you're emotionally attached to and just looked into their eyes as you walk and saw just how intensely they look at you when you walk up to or by them? I think this is also referred to as "tunnel vision"!! I think often times this speaks VOLUMES above physical touch-especially when in situations when you can't embrace (i.e. work, school, etc.) If you see depth in their eyes? You KNOW they're all up into affection for YOU!

Hi Irish Thanks for sharing your story-it wasn't THAT long and quite organized which made it fluid to read. The circumstances of your first love relationship were not really 'traditional' in that he was with another woman when he had started up with you. There's nothing wrong with that necessarily, but letting go of your first love is never easy under ANY circumstances, so please don't underestimate your love or condescend your relationship with hindsite vision, ok? It sounds like everyone involved (assuming the other woman knew about your relationship with him, otherwise just you and this man) honestly did realize the seriousness of the situation, as often matters of the heart can and DO become quite serious. You asked yourself if being with him was a mirage-and that is DEFINITELY just not true. Your heart does not fall in love with mirage's, I honestly just don't think that's possible. You and he did the best thing you could do-just give it a big break and take the opportunity of a 1 year detachment from one another. You and he will likely grow-perhaps in the same direction, perhaps opposite directions. The important thing for you is staying focused on trying to move forward in your life, emotionally speaking. Seeking therapy is a great way to make this important first step. I commend you on your courage and strength. Please don't give up on yourself and know that you can move on from this, and try to handle the tears. I didn't say HOLD BACK the tears, just try to keep a handle on it. You may cry periodically for a little while, sometimes even uncontrollably. Seek your therapy and more of why this happens may make itself known to you. Just know that you are normal for feeling this way, and losing your first love can be very difficult. Surround yourself by those who love you; friends, family, anyone who makes you happy. You are strong and you can get through this time. No one is timing you -so go at your own pace and keep making the right decisions by staying strong and by always trying to learn and grow. I shall say an extra prayer for you to find inner strength, and I encourage all who read your post to do the same. God Bless, and good luck

I'm sorry to hear about your pain, and I'm glad that you found some comfort in venting out your story here in this forum. Depending on what you want to do (stay together or break up), I seriously advise getting a mediator of some form, a councelor, SOMEONE who can unbiasly listen to YOU. If your husband is opposed to going to seek help, then you should definitely go so you can get your life back. All changes have to start from within oneself and I pray that both of you can come to see this truth. Whether or not to fogive and get back together, or forgive and walk away-is totally up to you. The good news is, you don't have to make a hard/fast/concrete decision RIGHT THIS SECOND and stick to it. You said it yourself, a lot has happened in the past few days and you need to do yourself a favor, and just chill-take a good hard look at what's going on around you, and just take one problem at a time. One last thing to consider; You mentioned alcoholism. Was your husband under the influence of alcohol when he mentioned he was leaving you? I find that any kind of substance involved in these tough situations make things very messy--people say anything (hurtful especially) when drunk/been drinking. It's not an excuse for what he said that was hurtful, but honestly could explain your question of how he could say those things to you. I'm not an expert, but with a 3 day turn around change of heart? It wouldnt' surprise me if sobreity and guilt took over. Find out for sure for your own emotions. You deserve to know the truth. Good luck-I hope some of this makes sense. Take care of YOURSELF, and remember that the healing will take time whatever you decide to do.

Okay-Girl #1 in my opinion is DEFINITELY asking for her own benefit-so scratch out all that "hypothetical" talk about what she says she wants to know about you. What's she's really asking is-"would you date me even if I keep my ." She wants to have her cake and eat it too. It doesn't make her evil or anything, she just wants to play around and then see what's to come of it-if anything. I think the more important question you should be answering is-would you really want to be with this girl if say....something DID happen between you two while she was still with her other man, and could you really trust her afterwards? Just something to ponder. Girl #2-I'm with Zippit on this one - a kind act is a kind act PERIOD. Accept it and sleep well knowing that she's probably just a kind considerate person. Who knows-maybe you two will bump into one another again!!! That's the beauty of life-ya just never know what tomorrow will bring! Good luck!!!

VaNessa I commend you on your courage to ask for anonymous advice on the Internet. By coming forward and asking for help from people who don't know or will judge you tells me that you're an intelligent and resourceful young woman who seriously wants to learn. First of all, may I say I'm sorry you lost your mom at such a young age. She sounds like she was very unbiased, and loved life. Please note that she is watching over you and will help you find the way, all you have to do is believe in yourself, and believe in your heart, and stay strong. Your situation is one of great concern for anyone who reads your post, due to the fact that you are indeed very young to find yourself in this situation. If your sister threatened to kick you out if she finds out you're about to become a mom, I would suggest you look for another place to live, either with friends, other family members, perhaps a church or counselling referral? There are many options for you, and if you research and find them, you can make a better decision about your next move. You were proactive to seek advice on the Internet-so continue to be proactive in finding another way to continue with your decision to become a mom. And never stop being proactive about your life-you are the one in control-you control your destiny-and soon you will be in charge and responsible for another human being that will be totally dependent upon you. Use the resources out there that can help you. I can't think of any services offhand, but maybe Planned Parenthood or just look in your directory for pregnancy services. You mentioned you had doubt about the responsibility of being a mom. There are services and counselors that can help you make responsible and informed decisions about your concerns and doubts. It's okay to have doubts-every woman does, I don't care HOW OLD they are-age is not a prerequisite for feeling TOTALLY confident about being a mom. Take care of yourself, take care of your body and mind, and most of all, never forget that the decisions you make now you and only you control. You can do this...like I said-you have your mom watching over you, and you are strong and resourceful. Never stop learning, growing, and moving forward resposibly in your life. Good luck and God Bless.