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Hi Somthing funny, It's been 6 months since my break up with my ex and i just came back to this forum after some time to ask a similar question to yours. Firstly i would not recommend the friends thing as i already went through that and got burned, we were friends, good friends still flirty with each other, she wanted me back but wasn't sure, but then out of no where she found someone new! Ouch that was horrible i was a backup plan! Now i'm not saying this will happen to you but it is a possiblity isn't it. Since then i've just been unable to really continue being her friend like we wanted to be because the reason i tried this was to gradually make her realise that it was in fact me she wanted to be with. All that hard work and those expectations made my fall pretty painful. You definaltey want to avoid that. She knows that it really hurt me i was pretty pissed off and she still missed me in a way and still wanted to remain friends afterwards because she kept contacting me, but it was just too hard for me. I evenutally had to tell her that i could not be the friend she wanted me to be and we've not spoken to each other for about 2 months now. The last thing she asked me was if we were still friends? In which i said yes, but not like before, maybe oneday we can be real friends again. So now i am in your situation where i am rebuilding myself so i can be a better person, maybe even try another realtionship with someone else because i know that i can live without her after spending 6 months without her already. The thing i dont want to happen is for me to never have the chance to try again with her since we were great together and she knows it, just our timming wasn't, we were at different stages of our lives. If you want to be able to try again whilst keeping no contact to avoid the "friends quicksand" you will have to be able to become part of her life again sometime in the future when you are ready. Thats the only problem i see for you, I dont know if or how you can even do this. Luckily for me, we have the same close friends so is not hard for me to "acidently" run into her again. I can also tell you that after a long time of thinking like i've had, i know that i would be ok if i never had the chance to get back with her again. I've been able to let go of her somewhat before i can hope to have her back again, if that makes sense to you. I think the reson for that is that she didn't leave my much choice when she started to see someone new. What i'm trying to tell you is, don't dwell on it too much, look forward you'll realise later that you are not dependant on her love. I dont know if you'll actaully take this in, because i couldn't take it in either when i was at your stage in healing but seriously, its true! I guess i'm where you are atm, we have our plan we just want to know if will work. Good luck and i hope everything works out for you.

Thanks segagirl and Michael, you have both reassured my difficult descission, i can only see things getting better from now, atleast i think so anyway. Michael i understand the importance of no contact but its really difficult for me to enforce. I'll never totally be able to cut off all contact. In order for me to move on i will have to see the friends i am close to which are also close to my ex. Michael can i ask do you ever reply your ex's texts or calls now? I used to ignore a few of my ex's texts but i could never bring myself to outright ignore her. It would make things akward when i see her in person whilst out with friends. I dont talk to her but i say hi, and if she talks to me i'd just keep things short. I didn't ignore the christmas, new years and birthday messages she sent me in the past. I Ignored a few random texts she sent when she was just bored or wanted to know how i was. I can't see how ignoring her outright would benifit me in my circumstances or am i not seeing something? I think that it would just make her think that i am starting to hate her again like i did when i first found out about her new relationship. She really doesn't want me to hate her and she was so upset when she knew that i did. I don't want her to think that i hate her so i feel that sometimes i have to reassure her that i dont in order for there to be any chance in the future I think its easyier to forgive and forget then to hold a grudge for life, however i'm living proof that its one of the most difficult things to do. I never give too much away about how i feel, she knows i still have a life and that it doesn't revolve around her. I understand why i should be aloof but i have to becareful. Do you think it would benifit me if ignore her calls or texts?

Hello everyone, Before i start i'd like to thank everyone for reading and the advice i've received from everyone in the past, you've all been a world of help and without you i would never have made it this far. However once again i turn to this forum for help and advice from everyone. Its been 5 months since my break up with my ex and i've got so far but i today i took things another step further into trying to heal properly. Today my ex called me, she was in town to get her hair cut to model for mutal friend of ours. She called me and told me about it and asked if i would like to meet up with her. Without really thinking about it too much since she just sprung it on me i agreed to met her afterwards. Once i put the phone down i thought to myself, what the hell am i doing? I've met her before when she was in the area and it was like we were just normal friends who had no history together. A small part of me wanted to see how she would act in front of me but i knew better than to pour my heart open to her. I know it was a mistake but my curiosity got the better of me. After some careful thought i decided to text her and ask if she really needed to meet me, and and what she was planning to do afterwards. She replied that it was ok if i didn't want to meet her, maybe next time. I mustered all my strengh and replied that i dont think we should meet up like that anymore, i can't keep doing this. She basically said, thats fine its up to me but are we still friends? I finished with "Yeah, maybe oneday we can be proper friends again". So i finally have the strengh to walk away from this vicious circle but its really set me back. This has just made me realise how much i still miss my ex, i still want to be with her after 5 months. Not only that but shes also seeing someone at the moment, about 2 months after our break up, another mutual "friend" i know what your all thinking; that i'm crazy i should just tell them both to leave me alone for good and that i never want to hear from them again. Its just not possible i've been through that phase already, we are all young, all live in london and we all hangout in the same places with the same friends. They all know our situation they all understand how i feel, they've all been a great help to me and are on my side but they also cannot hate them both either. I know this is a long shot but i dont want to be with her now obviously but i dont want to live my life without us ever trying again. Our break up wasn't a bad one; it wasn't mutual though, she freaked out about the thought that she would spend the rest of her life being with just me, and regret missing out on so many other things, and other people i guess. I know she still cares about me because she contacts me atleast once a month last time a few days before valentines day and i've not contacted her for 4 months. She could just let me move on in peace but shes always stressing for us to be friends, which i find hard to be at the moment. Shes always said she wishes she had met me when she was older. So here i am asking everyone for advice on how i could try again with her sometime in the future, i'm not going to wait for her, i'm going to try move on as much as i can which i know contradicts myself but shes not going to be my number one priority, it will be me. Before this i was always there for her when she needed me she called me up once after she had an argument with her bf but she didn't actually tell me, i found out later from another friend. I was slowly becoming "just a friend" to her so i've decided to get the hell out of there before that happens, i hope its not too late. I assume shes still going to text me or call me now and then to catch up but i hope she doesn't suggest that we meet up alone together again, she has ignored previous request by me before but this time i made myself clear. I will still see her now and then when we are with mutal friends too. Sorry for the length of this post but i'd appreciate anyones advice.

Hey DestructoBoy, Yeh i'm still lurking on these forums after 4 months aswell Sorry to hear about your minor set back, but thats it was! I'm sure you miss her and she definatley seems to miss you too. But like Athena said, she already knows how you feel, she always had. Chin up man just carry on like you were before, it wont be as hard to get over this conversation you had 2 weeks ago, you've already walked this path before you will remember the way. Be strong pal

hey bubbamackdaddy69, I remember your posts from when i used to post, we both lost our exs around the same time and mine too started to date someone else just 2 weeks after. Yeh just telling everyone else, that time does really heal, its been a bit different for me since i can never get real no contact, but it does help so much. Its funny really since my ex has contacted me tonight, and i too am not really bothered by it. Don't get me wrong but i'm not fully recovered but as time goes by you slowly realise that letting go isn't the worst thing in the world, you can live without them. Glad to hear that you are doing much better, i'm coping too. Goodluck everyone else recovering from a break up, its hard but it takes time, just remember that.

Well i wouldn't make the reservation yet, see is she contacts you first and how the converstaion goes, before you decide on arranging anything. Like always becareful when your making plans or reservations, there is always the possisbility she may not call you before V day, it can set your healing back a long way if you get your hopes up or set your heart on arranging this V day date, take it slowly my friend, its still a possibility.

Hey man, Sorry to hear about your situation, it can really get you down i know, i had a few dreams of my ex before, one wher ewe were back together, and another when we we just having a great time together, you really do wake up feeling empty. Those dreams go away evenutally i prmoise you that. Just a bit of advice from me. When i was actually serious about the no contact thing, i went out of my way to go out and enjoy myself, even if i didn't feel like it, its got to be better than sitting at home doing nothing even if your heart isn't set on going out. Even though i wasn't enjoying myself all the time. My ex thought that i was, and maybe she was jealous that i "seemed" to be handling it so well. Thats why she contacted me again, she was beginning to have second thoughts, but dont get too excited if that happens. that was my mistake. I was giving her all my attention again it was too easy for her, not only that, but she decided that it would perhaps be better if we remainded as friends after all. What i'm saying is, stick to the no contact thing let her think you can live without her, you managed it before you were together just try your best. If she contacts you, its up to you from there onwards, but dont make my mistake of jumping straight back to her and then letting her walk all over you. When you talk to her, just keep it casual, dont bring up any of the realtionship stuff unless she does first, let her know you still care about her, (without over doing it) so that when YOU end the converstation, make sure she would feel comfortable contacting you again. Best of luck to you and be strong!

Hey man, I understand how you feel and i really do feel your pain. The same thing happened to me almost 3 months back. I think you did the right thing, i did the same, i know you probably dont want to hear this, but just try to keep away from your ex and her bf, i know it maybe be difficult, i still see my ex and "friend" quite often. If i see them i just say hi i rarely make converstaion with them and i generally stay away if i can. I wish there was something which i could tell you to make you feel better but i can tell you from my experience it doesn't hurt so much as time goes by. I was destroyed when my ex broke the news to me I was so hurt and angry. Now i've accepted that its happened. I still dont agree with it and i'm still uncomfortable with them two going out but it gets easyier as each day passes, sometimes i still get a few days where i feel low. I'm slowly starting to feel like the person i was before i met my ex and i guess that means i'm healing. I know how you feel though, there are still these thoughts which run through my head; Do i miss her? Yes. Do i love her? Yes. Do i want her back? No, the trust has gone. So its time to move on. I wish you the best. Good luck we're all here for you.

Hey pal, Its great to hear tha tyour feeling much better, i remember some of your first posts and man i'm so glad you are feeling they way you do now. What a transfermation! I will always remember you when i still get those moments i have and how you can over come anything as long as you believe. Good luck with your new friend!

Thanks alot guys, i should have known myself its just one of those days. I just needed reasurence. It is very hard letting go of someone you loved so much. They really do make you do the strangest of things eh? Its going to be difficult for me, because shes still going to be a part of my life whether i like it or not, its just unavoidable, unless i move outta town or change my friends, i dont even want to do any of those things. I know no contact is the best thing, but i doubt she does miss me, well sometimes she shows that she does, but she can't miss me that much shes dating my "friend"! All this was after our break up tho, but hey still hurts, they knew it would hurt me too. Anyways enough about that. I need to concentrate on myself maybe i'll froce myself out again this weekend. Thanks again guys takecare i hope the future brings us much more happiness, and good luck to you too. edit: Hey Rainswept, I totally understand where you are coming from, no contact is one of the best solutions, maybe sometimes its not, i do feel like i'm alienating my friends over this. When i was out with my friends i'd sometimes see my ex around, i could get through the day, but it always slows down my healing. So i've decided to try no contact for real this time, but i also feel like i'm cutting my friends out. I do often shift from different groups of friends also, each time i feel as if i dont actually fit in anywhere. How are you feeling now? do you still see yuor ex? how does that make you feel?

Hi everyone, I've been feeling strange recently, i've followed all the steps to recovery mainly "no contact" but its only started to happen properly two weeks ago, since my ex kept contacting me or we kept running into each other. Its been four months since my realtionship ended with what at the time seemed like my soul mate. She broke up with me, didn't betray me but she really hurt me not long after our break up. In the beginning i spent alot of time with my close friends and kept myself busy. It seemed like it wasn't really working because i'd still be thinking about my ex no matter what i was doing. Later on it started to get better and i was starting to feel better about myself. Well since then, these past 2 weeks i've not done anything, i've not really been in contact with any friends, and i've not gone out (I deliberatly did not go out this weekend because i knew my ex would be there). I still see one local friend so i've not totally cut myself off from everyone. Am i going backwards in healing? sometimes it seems like my life it getting back to how it was before i met my ex. But now it seems different i haven't felt like going out or spending time with my friends. I just stay at home and i'm fine with that, except sometimes i just think that something is wrong with me. Does it seem like i'm going backwards in healing? I no longer have the strong "need" for my ex, i have accepted what has happened, even though i have not yet forgiven her fully or agree with her actions. Is this normal or do i need a kick in the butt to get active again? Just recently i seem to have stopped trying to recover and have no direction. It feels like i'm missing something, i know my life is not normal yet but i can't pin point it. I think a big part of this is because my ex and i share the exact same friends, i met her through these same friends. We both have other friends, but we have the same "main" group of friends the ones we are with most often. I wonder if anyone has felt this way before or can shed any light on why i am feeling like this. Thanks for your time.

Man your situations are just like mine! My ex wanted me back after 2months but then decided someone else would be a better choice for her. And she still messages me on msn, calls and texts me. Before i thought i could handle it since i do see her quite often, but now i realised, i was lying to myself, she said i was the "one" i thought she was too. Its been a few days shes shes last contacted me now, i think some of it is because i haven't replied her last text messages and when she messages me online i make out i'm busy and then i just log off evenutually. I dont know what i should do now, i think i'll just leave it until she brings it up or tries to contact me again. I would have been able to be friends with her after some time, but why the hell did she contact me again to show regret and then decide she'd go with someone else whos more "convenient". That really hurt and i seriously dont think she understands fully how much it hurt me, or maybe shes trying to help me get through it. I dont know but i'm going to deal with this my way and thats with as little contact as possible at this moment. I hope everything works out for you guys! be strong, we'll get through this.

wow guys, your situation is so similar what mine was 3 months ago. I just wish mine had a happy ending. i went through the exact same situation as you guys, she told me she was regretting what she did and we started to hang out again and had a great time, but one reason she broke it off with me was the fact that no matter how good we were together it worried her that i would be the only serious realtionship shes ever had. I wish i could tell you how i think you should handle this better to win her back. The truth is, the final descition is down to your ex. My ex latched onto someone else who was there and convinient for her, which put me out of the picture now. I just hope you guys have better luck than i did, wish you guys the best.

Thank you Gilgamesh! I totally agree with you, i remember you once offered me advice on my ex before, this was before she started to date my "friend". Your advice was similar to what you just said. I no longer wait or hope for that magical call which you talk about as i know for sure even if she was to come back now, theres no way any sort of realtionsip would work with her at the moment. So you suggest that i avoid them as much as possible, i agree with you there and i often try not to be anywhere they are. A lot of people suggest that too and i agree, the problem is we are such a close group of friends, for my birthday last week i did a joint dinner with another friend since it was her birthday not long before mine and ofcourse my ex and her bf were there too. Thats how close we all are, were going to go to the same get togethers! I know of 4 other occasions where i will probably run into one of them just in January! Now you understand how it is for me, i'm fortunate that they dont act like a couple in front of everyone, i hear from my friends their realtionship isn't even that good, they are always reluctant to show any sort of affection towards each other. I guess thats one main reason i dont end up like an emotional reck when i see them both. I guess the only thing i want to know is how do i deal with the calls or text messages or msn messages when my ex contacts me? I dont think i could just give her the cold shoulder, although i have on the few occasions i did not reply her texts. I never intiate contact with her its always her who contacts me. I already tried once to explain, i dont want to sound like a greaving broken record to her again, saying i've not yet properly healed blab blah. She says if i we tried no contact that would just be cold, we'd have to ignore each other when we see each other and she said its not like we could just oneday start ignoring each other and some day just start talking to each other again. Its such a complicated situation i'm in

Hi, I'm not sure if its ok to be selfish, but lets be honest, we've all been selfish at one point in our lives. Sometimes we justify it because we are confused, or feeling down. Its not fair on other people, but we've all done it before. I dont know what your ex is thinking, but i wouldn't dwell on it too much! concentrate on yourself! I hope what i said helped good luck