Hi, this seems like a really gr8 site I'm glad I managed 2 find it. I don't really know where to start.. For at least 3 years now I've felt overwhelmingly lonely, I'm 18, and it started when I left secondary school to go to college - I lost contact with all my old friends, and didn't make any new ones at all.
I just feel so uncomfortable when I'm meeting new people that I avoid it at all costs now. I did start going out on Friday nights with some old friends but I just felt so out of place, and I would end up standing there the whole evening on my own with no1 even bothering to talk to me. I'm so insignificant and no fun to be with - I just can't make conversation or anything, I never know what to say and it makes people bored around me and they don't want me in their lives.
I went on holiday last year and it was the last time I was really happy, I really felt like I wasn't myself nemore, during that holiday I made friends but only 1 of them I've kept in contact with and only through MSN. I had arranged to meet her a few months ago but I cancelled because I knew if I met her she'd realise what I was really like and wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. She still says that she wants to meet me and I've tried explaining to her why I don't want to but she doesn't seem to understand.
The only human contact I have is with my parents and when I go to work (and Uni in term time). But this is only because I have to go - I see no one from work or uni in my own time, I see no one I'm always alone. I'm scared that I'm going to go through my whole life feeling this way. I know people are going to say that I need to find something where I'll meet new people but I'm so scared of doing it because I just can't. It's so ironic that I really want to be with people sooo much yet I actively avoid all contact. Thx for listenin/reading... woteva
