guitarman

Ok ... it's a cool site .... I've learnt something ...

Yeah Sugar ... stay with your hubby ... he is the one whom you build your world with ... and the one who should stay for better or for worse. But I have a question .... when you are talking about spending time with each other ..... there is a really thin line between seeing each other in a "Posessive" manner like " I can't live without you" and being too busy with each other most of the time. So how would you define a healthy trend of communication?

Many people say ... that when two people had been through a lot together .... the relationship will be strong and very close .... True and not true. It's true that you will feel closer to a person who you went through something together with ... because you can really see it literally that this person is one who is really there for you. However, people who can perform really well during tough times does not mean they can perform equally well when times are good. Hence a "Hero" who always protects us from trouble does not mean he is a good "Lover" at happy times. If you need a "Hero" all the time, then would you want to be in trouble all the time as well? The best relationship always births from two positive, confident, independent and trustworthy figure coming together. Its never two Halfs coming to be one whole .... it's always two whole persons coming together. My point is .... you need to learn to do things which are positive, which add a little spice to life. You must remember ... when we get old ... we are not going to remember our life on how many hours we work a day or how many bottles of milk we feed our babies. We will remember the happy moments ... times spent together with loved ones and the glorious moments of achievements. Similarly, you need to create memorable moments together with your family .... positive and happy ones. Maybe work towards a goal. Aim to save up to travel around the world .... learn SCUBA Diving ..... learn SALSA ... go for jazz concerts and musicals .... do the things you always wanted to do when you are young .... as an adult ... NOW IS the time to work towards them. You got to learn how to rely on the "Lover" in him rather than the "Hero"who took you away from trouble. Because when situations turns good ... the "Hero" tends to fade away ... the "Lover" always brightens up the day whether times are good or bad. You have to focus and stop thinking about cheating .... if you are having an irresistible temptation to cheat ... then I tell you what .... let the lover be your husband ....

Well Tiffany, there is always a tendency for people to want to try things they have never experienced before. Some people grow out of things and get on with new ones, some people strive to discover the deepest meaning in whatever they have around them. It's always good to be exposed, to be open to opinions before you formulate your own. And it's also good to get exposure with different friends from the opposite sex. (and NOT to have SEX!!) I don't encourage you to leave your current boyfriend for this new dude you have just met in school. YOu should not enter into relationship with someone just based on physical attraction and curiosity. Whenever you enter into a relationship, you always try to make it work. And you don't do that with someone whom you barely know. Another thing about a relationship is that you always aim to satisfy each other's needs .... NEVER to gratify your own needs. If you are someone ho only takes and don't give, you will find your other half soon getting tired and out of energy. HE will leave you eventually. This goes the same if you are the giver and he is taker. IT will tire you out if your partner does not satisfy you. Back to the topic, i won't tell you to satisfy your curiosity and get on with this new guy you just had a crush on. Because this would be totally unfair to your boyfriend and if you do the math ..... you might end up losing both. (New guy dumps you, old guy rejects a patch back) You should leave you boyfriend only if you realise that he is not the guy for you and you feel that you can't see him in the picture of your future. In life's journey, you will always meet someone more charming, someone cuter, funnier, nicer .... will you leave one guy after another just because you found someone else more superior? Well, i guess when you say you love someone for who he is ... you meant who that person is ... and if he is the only person .... who can be better than being who he is other than himself? Get it?

Hey ... thanks for your advices ... at least what you guys had said had shed some light. I did spoke to her regarding the tone of her voice she used on me the other night. She told me that's how she behaves when she gets stressed. She promised not to "disappear" during exam season. Anyway, i guess you really made sense .... I shouldn't be the one giving it all the way. There must always be a balance of give and take in a relationship. I know I have the ability to choose how much priority I give to her ..... but just that at that point I need a reason make such a decision. I guess it's only right for me to lower that priority until we take this relationship to the next level. And if she is unable to do so .... I'll have to re-evaluated if she is really the one for me ....

Hey guys .... I'm feeling kind of vexed and confused now ... this will be kind of long ... so bear with it for a while yeah? I got romantically involved with this lady whom I got to know onboard ship 2 months ago. I've been working onboard the ship for the past four years and I've recently got to know a female colleague who happened to be working at another department onboard. We've seen each other around for the past years actually but never really got to know each other. There was this one evening when I had an early assignment on the next day that I decided to stay onboard to save on transport early next morning. I was playing my guitar on the upper deck when she suddenly appeared and was sitting next to me ... listening to me Singing with my guitar. Well that was a really good start for a friendship to be built. Subsequently, we called each other up, met up pretty often ... we just have so much to talk about and laugh about. We laughed at the sillest things and had lots of fun together. We grew closer and closer ... and gradually ... we were fond of each other. We've been together for the past 2 months and things went on pretty well for the start. But it was until recently that things starts to turn out NOT exactly the way I foreseen. She has a past issue. She was dumped by her ex in the previous relationship and she was devastated. She told me that she couldn't trust anyone as completely as she did anymore. But I told her that i didn't mind as long as we are together .... I believe that time can heal all wounds and I was sure that trust can be developed from experience. But i realised that in many occasions .... she demands Love from me and yet refuse to give Love to me. She dropped hints here and there, implying that she wanted good night kisses, Love letters, "I love you" and "I miss you", etc .... but when it comes to me ... she would be very often be evasive .... avoids the question by asking me to "trust my feelings" and "what i think is right". She had been going through a rather hard time this week. Her grandma passed away and she was having exams for the part time degree course. I tried to show her care and concern by sending her messages and calling her. But evertime I send her a message, I either get no reply, or a "one word" answer. I sent her a message last night ..... i received no reply again .... and called her. All these effort to show care and concern resulted in a hasty tone in her voice to get me off the phone. I mean .... is that how you talk to a boyfriend? Even if you are busy or stressed ... don't you find comfort to hear the voice of someone you love? Or can't you tell me you are busy in a more polite or gentle manner? That was not the first time it happened. Is that the way people talk to a person they are romantically involved in? Like as if i was a fly trying to intrude their privacy? It seems that this relationship in fueled by one single driving force .... that's me. It used to be so different .... she would call me 5 to 6 times a day just to find out what i was doing. She would send me "good mornings" every day without fail .... and I would do the same for her. It's like we would both do things to give each other attention .. show love. But right now ... I'm the one who is left doing all these things. I don;'t know what's happening ... 2 months of being together and I haven't even heard a single "I love you" from her. She still introduces me as a "colleague" to her family and friends. It's like: Glenn: "I love you dear" Priscilla: ". . . . . . . ." What's happening man? Is she losing interest in me? Or does she still love me and she wants me to be the "man" to do things for her? Is it normal for ladies to behave that way? Any Ladies out there can answer my question?? Going Mad Glenn Guitarman Fong

Just a few cents worth of Wisdom from me. 1) You can't please everybody 2) Anyone who doesn't accept is not a friend. 3) People who lists expectations are suckers. 4) Introspection is the greatest killer of emotions, so think outward. 5) When you feel self conscious, try to think in another person's shoes, try to read magazines and stuff, try running or playing a sport, try joking with your friends, just do something outward. Because being inward thinking will prevent you from talking to friends, that's why you feel out of place. 6) You don't always engage in exciting conversations. There is always a topic you are unfamiliar with. Always some spaces of silent somewhere. Sometimes you just need to listen .... sometimes you just need to enjoy the language of silence. These are part and parcel of friendship .... doesn't have to be always exuberant. 7) You have to go though life anyway, why not just enjoy the ride? 8) If you have a problem, its either you solve it or you let go. 9) Sometimes it takes the strongest person on earth to "Let Go". 10) Greater is he that is in you, then he that is in the world. Just me Guitarman

Hey man ... I read that book too ... you get really great insights on how to bridge friendships to other people. Well, most of the problems that we face emotionally can actually be resolved internally. Well, if you can't change the environment, why not change yourself. I guess influencing people really means giving them what they want before asking them for what you want. In a way, i guess you shouldn't try so hard to make friends with females. You should do what you are comfortable with ... be yourself. If you try so hard to put on a false front, or even do something you don't usually do to win a person over, you end up getting tired of constantly trying to be or do something you are not. And friendships can still falter by the realization of the truth. Hence, maybe you can try to tell yourself NOT to EXPECT anything from them (the females). Just be yourself .... talk to them not because you want to win them over ... but because you genuinely care. Convince yourself that you care ... you love ... and you are interested to know them ... whether or not you get anything back. And remember, you can't please everybody. There is bound to be someone who gives relunctant and negative responses. But don't give up just because of turn offs like that. Just be naturally loving and interested, and you WILL reap the returns some day. If you can'tget anything out from this reply ... just remember this one point ... "people need the feeling of importance". As long as they feel important, that they hold some position in your heart .... you've won them over. Just me Guitarman.

Well for me .... I'm never really close to my Family .... from the surface, It would seemed that my family background is one that is just like other families. But in fact, I feel very lonely most of the time, and it didn't seemed that my parents cared about that at all. My dad only cares about his own excues and lame reasonings for bad decisions .... my mum only suffers in silence. There is no one here that I can look up to ... no one I can trust to be my role model. That's why I usually find solace in my friends rather than family. I can tell ya that my family have NO CLUE at all who I am and what makes me the way I am .... I've lived 26 years of my life in this house without them knowing the real me and sometimes I really feel lost ... like I don't belong anywhere. And I am facing a genuine situation in which most of you guys are in too; incapability to relate to the norm. In many situations, ie my work place, I couldn't relate to the humour and values that people generally inculcate. It's difficult for me to relate to people generally because from my family background, we're used to closing up ourselves ... used to being inward looking and I'm taught to be cautious about making friends. But I lived to a point that I got tired of all these isolation and alternate frequency contary to society. I didn't want to share my personal life to others because I was very conscious about how others might think about me ... that I might be weird ... that I might be deranged or warpped. I began to open myself .... because I believe that there is a way to live a life that acts as an opposing force against everything that was taught wrong to me. I believe whatever wrong paradigm that I picked up when I was young can be changed ... and it's not neccesary that I have to pass them on. I realised that most of the time when you open yourself to people ... people will open themselves to you. And if anybody can't accept you for who you are .... screw them ... and go find someone else to talk to. I believe friends are important and intrunsic for a healthy lifestyle. And I guess for people like us .... we've got to try a little harder than others .... I know I haven't exactly gone thru anything worse than you .... but i know that whatever wrongs or bad experiences we have in the past ... we don't have to yield to them ... if you dare to say NO to your past!

Hey people ... thanks for your advice .... well latest update .... These few days, we grew closer, we studied together at her place during the day because it was our day off ... we spent 2 whole days together studying and watching TV. We got really close ... close enough for her to question the direction that we were heading. She asked me if I realised that we got too close in too short a time (Less than a month). And I said yes. I asked her if this was a good thing or bad thing. She said she was just commenting. I asked her about a possibility that if we maintain this friendship, we will actually end up together. She said she didn't know ... she didnt have intentions of getting a boyfriend ... but if it really comes neither of us could stop it. I guess this is a good sign right? : ) Just me

I don't really know how to put this into words ... but i'll try my best to do so. Recently i got to know this girl from my workplace (A ship) .... I never got to know her until one day .... we happened to stay overnight onboard because we had to work really early the next day. I usually leave my Guitar onboard ship for entertainment purposes. That night, we had a wonderful time together Singing songs at the upper deck. In the past, I hardly knew her nor noticed her presense. She is just one of the crew onboard our ship, just someone I barely talked to. After that night of Singspiration, our friendship flourished. Both of us are taking a part time Degree in a Uni. Hence everytime we sailed, we will use our free time to study together. She will always come to me to ask me to change my schedule to align with her's so that we can go on and off watch together. Everytime we were together, there is always something interesting to talk about ... something Funny happening. We will wait for each other during meal times .... meet to cook special delicacies before going on watch .... we basically see each other on and off watch. We talked every night. I feel really comfortable and happy being with her and I really hope that this friendship can be taken into the next level. But I really don't know what she thinks. Because from what I know, there are others who are close to her too. And the problem is, One of the Junior person in her department has this major Crash on her. And I believe he has taken action to go after her. Sometimes when we have to work late, she will send him back to his place as they both stay near each other. According to her, he would hang out at her place to watch T.V and stuff. His feelings for her is known throughout the ship. Knowing her as a Flamboyant, outgoing and sociable person .... she could easily get close to any guys onboard. I really want to tell her how i feel but I'm afraid of rejection. I don't know if she's treating me so well because I am a friend or because she is fond of me as well. She has many suiters, which means that i will either be just one of the guys who likes her, or be "The Guy" who likes her. Please advice. Thanks! PM more preferable. Just me

Hey Cloud .... the very special person who will make you want to get out of bed is you .... Self Esteem didn't come easy for me too .... I got ridiculed by many of my childhood friends too .... in fact the hurt that was inflicted lasted many years. They made me feel stupid, small and ugly. I do admit that for a guy, I'm small built and I do need a little more time than others to respond to situations. I used to think i was stupid and slow. I actually identified myself as Forrest Gump! But I grew up to realise, that I was slow because I was thinking. I needed more time because I evaluate before I act. And this attributed to many decisions in life which I am glad I had made. You see, nobody knows exactly why you are the way you are, and there is definitely a reason for that. The "ugly" person that you see in the mirror is actually a reflection of your opiniated self. The most beautiful thing on earth is not a perfect nose nor a sparkling bright eyes ... it's a beautiful smile and a friendly disposition ... now THAT'S what I call pretty!! I'm sure you have talents, great Charateristics and personality hidden inside you .... and you got to take time to discover them. Many people in my workplace don't appreciate me .... but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate myself .... and it doesn't mean I don't appreciate others. Not everybody has eyes to see the inside ... but the most important thing is that you need to see it yourself. I agree with the previous replies ..... you can start to change your dress sense, pamper yourself with a nice hair-do, do some facial. It helps you build your confidence and makes your presense more prominent. But the most beautiful thing you can ever have is the smile ..... it's priceless ....

I totally agree with Eve and Vital ..... your ex is definitely NOT the ultimate critic for girlfriends and what he say cannot be taken seriously. It would seemed to me that he doesn't love you at all .... nobody would say such things to someone he loves?! I think your current boyfriend really loves you alot ..... he could see beyond every physical aspect and see the true beauty in you. I would rather stay with someone who loves me for who I am than someone who loves me for how I look .... superficial relationships are brittle .... and leads to superficial results ... You might not be satisfied in the way you look, but you have now found someone who appreciates that "good" in you .... and I hope you could see the good that he has found in you too ... : )

yeah ... its true ... I had a few relationships before ... and I realized something .... the function of a girlfriend is not the same as friends. I can't exactly tell you the bolts and nuts of it ... but what I know is this .... "you can do without a girlfriend, but you can't do without friends" I used to think I need a girlfriend. Wanted it very badly. And until I got myself one, I realize it's not really what I wanted. She didn't really fill up the emptiness in me .... and I had more responsibilities which I realize I didn't want. I felt very selfish .... because the very reason why I got together with her, was to fulfill my needs ... which was never the remedy. Hence my advise to you is .... never get a girlfriend because you need a girrlfriend ..... you get together with someone because you love her ... not because you need her. The need is just an illusion ..... Go drink beer and watch football with your friends .... Learn a new skill like a language or technical stuff ..... Join an interest group like a sport or music or something .... you never know you might find someone of your dreams ...

I'm truly sorry for the situation you are in .... if I could be there right now .... I'll give you a big Hug ... .*Hugz* But I believe if you know the right thing to do .... just press on and don't give up ... you will not stay in desolation forever!! @@)