Raaawr
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Posts
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Joined
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Days Won
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Raaawr's Achievements
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Its not over yet. We on a "break". My entire life I dont believe in them, still dont, but because she cries and sounds so confused I give her time while I spend 2 weeks tearing myself up. Never again.
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Long but good. Day 4 Broke no contact and looked at her facebook page because I am an ABSOLUTE MORON. And tomorrow Im going to drop some "special" present off to her house that will hopefully make her smile. I hate myself. Like I actually hate myself. God Im an absolute idiot.
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Day 4 Uhm, I think Im going to do something bold and mail her a token of my feelings for her. I have men telling me dont do it under any circumstances and I have women telling me to go for it, so truthfully Im at a loss. Is it so bad to send her something similar to what I used to send her last year? Or is it a really good idea to show her that I still care. Im confused and my head hurts.
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Finding today really hard. I miss hearing about her day. I miss kissing her forehead. I miss everything about her really. I wanna pick up the phone, call a taxi and go to her house and tell her I love her so much.
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Day 3 I woke up feeling terrible, Im not even sure how I managed to get out of bed. Slowly that bad feeling turned into anger. Im angry at her, I want to call her and shout at her and tell her she is an absolute coward! That shes throwing away 2 years because she is afraid of working on the relationship. An absolute coward. That in 6 months or 5 years time when she is coming out of another failed relationship she will look back on this and wonder "what if I only tried". Absolute lazy coward! I cant believe I let her waste 2 years of my life.
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Still day 2 I was doing really well so far today, I had her out of my mind. Then I checked the time on my phone, well no, actually I checked to see if she text me. I know she wont but I checked anyway. I then looked at the time and thought "its still early she may contact". Now Im angry at myself for being stupid and sad because I miss her.
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You made a mistake. So long as you learned from it. You're not a horrible person you just made a very silly mistake. Just dont make it again and itll be better. Day 2 I feel alot better after yesterday. I dont know why, I guess I just vented on everyone. Im back to calmly waiting it out. Unfortunately, it being Day 2 of no contact means I have 5 days until a meeting, which will reset me back to Day 1 for the third time in 3 weeks. Im still not sure if I should go through with this meeting. It was her idea. I removed the facebook app from my phone and binned pictures and presents she got me. Harsh since we not actually broken up yet but I feel better. im sure she will understand Im only preparing.
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Keep getting Phantom vibrates on my phone and thinking its her. Driving me insane. Put phone away where I cant get it and removed her pictures from my wallet. I feel bad for doing that since we not broken up yet but I feel its necessary. Still cant get past the guilt of feeling I failed her and really want to make it up to her somehow but I dont know if there is anything I can do except hope she is brave enough to try again and work with me. I doubt she is though. Also feel embarassed Im feeling like this already, I made it last week without contacting her just the meeting on Sunday seems to have really messed me up.
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Day 1 I didn't sleep much last night. I kept trying to not think of you which only left me frustrated and awake. I eventually got to sleep sometime after 3 and woke at 5. I hate myself today, I wish i had something to hate you for but all I can see is my own failings and all I have is guilt and hate for myself and a worry that if I don't get another chance to fix this and make it right I don't know how to live with the guilt. My new guitar arrived today. That I've been waiting for for weeks and been so excited for. I can't even open it or look at it. Its 9am and I'm in work and normally around now you would text me good morning and I'd ask how you slept. Worst part is this is my second day 1 and next week will be my third. Maybe I should refuse to meet you on Sunday and you can tell me by text.
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We have been on a break since last monday but it didn't really happen as she called me and text me and I had to give her something in her work. Today I went and talked to her and we agreed that there would be no contact for a week and Sunday she will text me so we can meet up to talk again. Im staying negative. Hope is evil. Already started erasing her from my life. Just in case.
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I am only doing the challenge for 7 days, I know its not very long but Im hoping by posting it here ill be faced with the embarrassment of breaking "only" 7 days and it will keep me from doing it. Plus after the 7 days are up and I have to go meet her Im likely to be back at day 1 on a new much longer no contact. Here we go!