ShySoul

There is a difference between fantasy and reality. Thinking something does not mean you are actually going to do it. Given that you are too worried to even flirt with women, I'm thinking it's highly unlikely you would turn that fantasy into reality. You've also seen first hand the impact such an act can have on a women, so you really aren't likely to do it. I don't think repressing something is the best strategy. When you repress you are just holding it down, not actually dealing with it. Eventually it will come back. The key is to figure out why you have the fantasy in the first place. Rape tends to be about power. In your case, I don't think it's physical power or any kind of issue with your mental state. I think you feel a lack of confidence and control in your life. You repeatedly put yourself down, think no girl could like you. So in your fantasy you go the opposite way. You have the control, you have the power. It's an outlet for the fustrations you feel from your everyday life. But because you know how damaging the real act is, you feel guilty over it. So it's a tug of war going on inside you. Focus on your own self esteem. Build confidence with yourself by concentrating on your strengths and things you are good at. That will help you in general. And know there are women who have those fantasies to. It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with them either. As long as it stays a fantasy or a consensual, safe roleplay, then it's just a kink a person is into. It's when it becomes a real, non consensual act that it turns into the deplorable thing that it is.

You "owe" her the same thing anyone is owed - honesty and respect. If you have concerns, then you need to talk about it with her. Not talking will just continue things as they are until one of you finally snaps and says or does something they might regret. So do the mature thing and talk it out. People rarely change, and when you care for someone you shouldn't want them to change who they are. But you can compromise. There are probably things in your behavior that she might be able to point out Relationships require both parties to work together and be willing to look at themselves and how they can improve things. Only in working together can you potentially addresses these concerns. And if she is unwilling to cooperate, then you will have known you tried and can be honest about it not working out. You won't have to feel like you are wasting her time, as it will be clear this isn't working.

They were already separated for three years, so you did not come between them or cause any of their problems. I knew a woman who got with a man just as he was starting to get a divorce and almost instantly got engaged to him. That was a homewrecker. You are a women who got mixed up with an already broken situation that had been going on for a long time. The issue her is actually with the ex. She has not been able to move on and thus lashed out at the easiest target when it became apparent that he had. Unfortunately, that target was you. Don't be too hard on yourself. Something better is out there. And when the right thing comes along, you won't have to question or need proof on every little thing. You will know.

What do you want out of this? Was your intent friends going to hang out together? Or were you hoping for more? And did you communicate this when you asked him to prom? Based on what you said it's unclear what either of you are thinking aside from having fun at a dance together. If you want him to be straightforward, then be straightforward with him. Figure out what it is you are hoping for, then talk about it with him. You were the one to ask him to the prom, so it's possible you'll need to be the one to take initiative on working out what all this means. Regardless what you decide, have fun at the prom. Be it as friends or potentially more, there is a reason you asked him and a reason he said yes. There is a reason you could spend three hours talking. Enjoy that reason and enjoy each other's company.

You did contact her. You did express your feelings honestly and respectfully. I'm guessing in that conversation you said you cared for her and wanted to work things out. She was the one who said everything was fine and proceeded to meet another guy. What more could you say to her that would change how you feel? What you are experiencing is a relapse. That's natural. It's only been three weeks. As I said in a previous post, it took me three months before I was okay. I wanted to reach out so many times. I told her all along that I cared deeply and owned up to all my mistakes. But it wasn't going to make a difference how many times I told her if she didn't want to listen. I had to focus on myself, day by day. Eventually I got better. When I did speak to her, she contacted me. Hearing from her did give me the final closure I needed, but it had to happen when it was right. If I had kept going to her, I would have remained stuck in my feelings even longer. Closure is just as much about you as it is them. The truth is that we never fully know what another person is thinking. Sometimes we won't get the answers we want from them, especially if they refuse to tell us. To continually try to get those answers creates an endless cycle of questioning and doubt. At a certain point you have to know that you tried and that anything else needs to be on the other person. You have to focus on being happy with yourself. I second the notion of writing something out just for you. A journal, a poem, a story, some form of art... anything that helps you to get those feelings out and relives the hurt and stress building inside you. But do it for you, don't involve her. Trust me, things will get better. You are getting there, it just takes time.

It's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean. Size isn't everything and a larger size could actually be detrimental. Not all women are size queens who want someone super huge. Some women may be tighter in that area and thus would prefer someone smaller that they can accomodate better. There are other advantages as well. May I recommend a quick google search on the topic and you'll find things that might help boost your confidence. You always hear from the bigger is better crowd, but there are plenty out there that shows good things can come in small packages. And what you might lack in size, you can make up for in enthusiasm and technique. At the end of the day, sex isn't about the physical anyway. What makes it special and meaningful is the connection two people have and share with each other. If you love and care about each other, that will make it good. If you have that bond and are at the point where you both are willing to share yourselves intimately with each other, then nothing else should matter. Be in the moment and just enjoy being with each other. Feel and savor every moment, every touch. When you've lost yourself in the experience, you'll be okay. And know that anyone who would judge you based on something that superficial, really isn't someone you would want to be with. They are the one missing out. Don't let someone like that cause you to doubt yourself. The right person will like it simply because it is with you.

Attraction in terms of physical appearance is overrated. Everyone will get older and those looks will start to fade. Bodies don't stay in peak condition forever. Plus its all subjective. No one has ever been able to define what exactly attractive looks like. And even if you think one thing is attractive, someone completely different comes along and can change your views. Attraction though in terms of heart and soul, that does matter. What counts is who the person is on the inside. Everyone I've ever really been attracted to has started based off some aspect of their personality. Feelings have grown from there and I will find them more attractive on the inside because of what I see on the inside.

I have slept in the same bed with more then one woman and both sides were fully aware sex was not a remote possibility. Just being with her was good enough for me. The last thing I would have wanted was to make her uncomfortable or feel pressured into anything. If anything, I'd say it takes a stronger, more mature grown up to not do anything and just be content to lay beside each other. When you love someone, their happiness comes before sex. If they aren't ready, then you wait. Simple as that.

Real men do not touch a woman in a sexual manner unless she has agreed that it is okay. Consent is never implied. It doesn't matter what she wears, how long you've been seeing each other, sharing a bed, prior times together, or anything else. If you want to be intimate, make sure she wants it as well before you try anything. That's treating a lady with respect and honor. You are not being a bad girlfriend. Sex should never be expected, especially when a person indicates they are not comfortable. Yes, you could have said no in words. But you froze, which is ok. You still said no in your actions, which should have been enough. Men don't need to be mind readers, they just need to pay attention to the woman they are with. If a woman is recoiling from your touch, it should be evident that she isn't in the mood and you should stop. Even if you can excuse his behavior that time, you told him how you felt after and he hasn't listened. You don't forget to not make sexual comments and advances. He is making a conscious decision to bring it up against your wishes. He is making you feel guilty for not doing something that you don't want to do. That's wrong and you shouldn't put up with it. No in any form means no. If he doesn't respect you enough to listen, then he doesn't deserve you.

I don't think you are overthinking. I think you're being very reasonable and level headed. You weren't having luck in the romance department, but you didn't give up on it. You turned to porn to scratch an itch, as many people do, but didn't go overboard. You dropped it when it you felt it had lost it's usefulness. You found someone you connect with and are excited, but are still being careful and cautious. You're doing things just fine from what I can see. You got this. Does it matter if it's normal? If it feels right for you, then do it. You're not harming anyone and you seem happier for it.

Really it all depends on the kind of person she is, which is why none of us can give any kind of definitive answer. I know when I want to avoid a topic it's easy to just give a quick dismissal with "it's nothing." Even admitting to it being personal is opening myself up to questions. I might start to wonder if the other person is thinking anything about me. I know I'm not the only way that feels that way, so maybe she does. Which is why I think the best thing anyone can do for a person is to make sure they know you are there and will be supportive. Put the person at ease so they are ready to talk. Or really, maybe she is being honest and it is nothing, at least to her. Maybe it's a simple matter of being tired or stressed and not having the energy or interest at this time. A person could easily just see that as the normal flow of life, not a sign of a major relationship problem. He might disagree, which would mean a difference of opinion but not any kind of dishonesty on either part. Phillip, you know her best. So look at who she is, how your relationship is, and what has been going on in both of your lives. See if you can find a reasonable explanation, or if you really think something deeper is going on. If you do, then have an honest, heartfelt, and non-judgemental conversation. Don't approach it as an ultimatum, with a clear choice of one way or the other. Work together and be flexible, as couples should, to find what works for both of you.

I heard something on this recently. People are apparently becoming so fustrated with the datng app culture they are turning back to older ideas and concepts, including speed dating. https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/03/06/speed-dating-apps/ https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/04/03/speed-dating-is-making-a-comeback-is-gen-z-done-with-dating-apps/73187068007/ Everything old will eventually be new again. Guess that means I'll someday go from being the out of touch old-guy to the trendsetter ahead of the curve and all I have to do is not change a thing. Right? 🤪

No, I wouldn't. I prefer the opposite approach. Meeting a whole bunch of people at one time and only getting to have brief, probably superficial conversations doesn't seem like a good way of finding a potential person to become my perfect partner. I believe in getting to know someone naturally, meeting them in the course of everyday life and becoming friends first. If something develops from there, all the better. Really, I'm not a fan of the standard dating concept anyway. So speed dating would not be for me. But if you want to, it's all up to you. Do what makes you happy.

You have every right to feel you used. Your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to them. When a person you thought was close to you ignores you, it is upsetting. You were there for her when no one else was. For her to not keep in contact must feel like a betrayal of that bond you thought you had. Do you want to try to keep the friendship? If so, you should talk about it with her. It might be something completely innocent. She might not realize how her actions have impacted you. Real friends are willing to have the difficult conversations and the friendship can come out stronger for it. Even if things don't work out, you''ll still be able to say you tried. Personally, I think a friendship is something worth fighting for. And if it's a fine minute walk, don't wait for her, just walk over there yourself. If you are okay with not maintaining the friendship, realize that it's not on you. Don't blame yourself. Also, don't hold onto any anger or upset feelings. It's okay to feel sad or hurt, but know that there are other people you can have friendships with you won't forget about you. You seem like a caring person who anyone would be lucky to be friends with.

Don't just block them, stay off social media all together. Get out and find other activites and things to keep you busy. Stay so busy you don't have time to think of them. School, work, volunteering... whatever you need to do to focus on your life. You need to be happy with yourself first, need to focus on where you are going and the things you want to do. He's a distraction that would help you in the long run. So do whatever you have to do remove him from your life. We all fail. We all take steps backwards at time. That's okay. It doesn't mean you've lost all progress though. Just take two steps forward for every one back. Keep pushing through day by day, little by little. You have the strength inside you. You can do it. Keep the faith.