ShySoul

No, what I'm saying is that our attitude determines what we get out of the world. Perception shapes reality. At one point I was just as fustrated as you. I was a little older then you and had zero success in finding someone I could relate to or who was interested in me. I allowed myself to be filled with regret and lonliness. I blamed myself for not being able to speak up more when I did like someone. I cursed myself for being different. And at times I wondered why none of the women I was around could just take a moment to appreciate all the things I had to offer. You know where that got me? Bitter and alone. And even if there was someone who would have liked me, my attitude would have turned them off. In seeing the world in a dark way, in not believing something was possible, I shut the door on myself. Then a wise woman told me I was a good, caring person and told me to believe in myself. She said to not worry about it and be happy just being me. She said that eventually someone would come along who would appreciate everything I could offer. I listened to her advice and stopped trying. I didn't try to find anyone or make that my priority. I learned to just be happy on my own and embrace my full self. Not long after that, things turned around and girls noticed me. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. The only things I've ever really wanted in my life are: 1. To help people. 2. To find someone who loves and understands me and who I can spend my life with. But love finds you in its own time, when it wants to. When you put so much focus on it that it makes you miserable, then you aren't doing yourself any favors. Your bringing suffering upon youself that you don't need to. Just because you don't have someone now, doesn't mean you are doomed forever. But the angrier you become, the more you close yourself off from the chance of anything good happening. I just don't want to see you imprison yourself in that lonliness.

You're right women don't need dating apps. For that matter, men don't need dating apps. No one really needs them. There are all kinds of ways to meet people. If that way isn't working for you, don't do it. Dating apps are run by corporations. A corporations number one objective is to make profit, not to find you the love of your life. And if you do find that love, then you don't need their service and they can't profit off of you anymore. Can you meet someone that way? Sure. But it's not the companies goal. They want to dangle that elusive carrot just out of reach while giving you the hope that you'll reach it. They want you to increase your odds with premium services. And they want you to constantly be ready with another option so you don't put to much stock in any one person. Dating and finding someone is not easy for a person of any gender. Do you think it's easy for women to deal with men who are misogynistic? Do you think they all love knowing there will be men objectfying them based solely on how they look or the outfit they wear? Do you think they are happy that guys will call them entitled or claim they have it easy without knowing anything they might have gone through? And there are men who are just as superficial as the girls you say you have met. There are male "influencers" and there are men who just want to find a way to "score" with another girl. At this point, maybe it is best to just not look for a relationship at all? Maybe embrace being single and the advantages that come with it? Dating shouldn't make you upset or bitter. It should be a fun experience. If you aren't having fun, don't do it. Live your own life and do things that are fun and make you happy. At the end of the day, we have to live with and be happy with ourselves. A relationship is a nice addition, but it is us that will ultimately give us the most fulfillment.

It is honerable and noble that you care for your family to the degree you seem to. However, the problem with being the reliable one that everyone turns to is that they will always turn to you. You have unfortunately been saddled with people who would rather complain about things and depend on you then take the steps they need to do care for themselves. It's not your fault. They are the ones who refuse to take care of themseles. You are not responsible for them or their actions. And you have ever right to be fustrated with them. The only thing you are guilty of is having a big heart and wanting to help your family. At this point, your mother would be better off on her own, away from your sister. That arrangement has long been passed the expiration point and you can't be the one to always resolve things. Your sister is an adult who should be able to take care of herself or live with the consequences of her decisions. Does your mother get social security? My mother is in her late 60s and relatives just helped her to find a senior living center that was income based and thus cheaper. Perhaps there is something similar in the area? It might also be good for her to be around people her age, people she is more likely to relate to and who probably won't come with all the issues and baggage your sister seems to carry.

When I was around your age I had never had a serious relationship. I wasn't social and had all of two people I thought of us a friend. My family background was a bit of a mess. And my examples of male guidance weren't exactly the best role models. I could maybe learn a few good things if I looked hard enough, but generally they taught me what not to do. I too struggled with feeling worthy at times. What helped me was realizing I didn't a need a role model or guidance. I didn't need therapy or a professional to help me. I didn't even need a romantic relationship. I needed to be me. Everything I needed was within me and had been within me all along. Just as it is within you. I stopped thinking I had to be a certain way or have these experiences that I saw others having. I focused on being who I was and doing what I enjoyed. I stuck to being my real authentic self. I embraced my natural skills and found happiness in living my life as I wanted to, on my own. This caused me to have more confidence in myself as I was doing things that made me feel good about myself and my life. I was focused on being positive and not dwelling on all the negative. Having that confidence lead me speaking out more on the things I believed in. It lead me to helping others. And it lead to multiple women noticing me. They became interested in me for the person I was. And I didn't get there by following anyone's example. All I needed to do was fully embrace being me and let my light shine. To often people get so focused on needing to fix themselves or trying to act the way they are supposed to act. Don't do that. You aren't broke and don't need to be fixed. You are you, the person who have always been and are suppose to be. So be proud of that. Be proud of who you are. Life your life the way you want to, the way that makes you happy. Once you do, the rest will take care of itself.

If these are your feelings, then they are your feelings. I don't think people are wrong for feeling hurt or upset. Each person handles things in a different way, a way that is right for them. Each person has their own way of processing and working through their emotions. So don't feel bad for the way you feel. You called this person a best friend. When you use that label to describe someone, it comes with certain hopes and expectations. To lose that friendship or to watch it drift away awakens a lot of conflicting emotions inside you. Their is confusion over what happened. Their is hurt and a sense of abandoment over them not wanting to keep in touch. This is the feeling that you might have done something wrong or be to blame. There might be anger at them for not trying like you feel you have. I felt all of that when my best friend stopped responding to me. So it's okay if you feel that way. Then you add on the extra layer of your family. For them to spend time with this person is like a betrayal from all parties. That's especially true if they knew how much you were hurting. No one wants to feel left out. And here are the people who are supposed to be closest to you, leaving you out. Again, it's okay to feel sad and hurt. If it is bothering you, then I believe it's always best to talk it out. It's not healthy to keep your feelings in. For your own sake, have an honest talk about it. Express your feelings. Sometimes just getting it out there helps to clear the air and relieve you of the stress and burden these emotions have on you and can weigh you down. I would keep in mind that it's probably not intentional. People generally don't do things like this to specifically hurt a person. Usually it's born out of ignorance. They are probably just focused on how they have a good time together and don't realize what it's doing to you. In the meantime, focus less on those who aren't around, and more on the ones who are. Your fiance, baby, and sister seem to care a lot about you. So let their love be your strength.

Staying together "for the kids" is generally just as damaging as not being together. Take that from someone who's parents argued and had problems for years. I don't think it was a coincidence that the summer after my first year of college was when they decided to get a divorce. My mother stayed long enough to see her last son into adulthood and start to spread his wings, then decided she couldn't stay in a marriage she wasn't happy in. But I could always tell neither of my parents were really happy. I heard the fights. I could sense their moods and feelings. Even if you think you are being careful to shield them, children are perceptive and can pick up on things. If they weren't able to fix the problems, I would have much preferred my parents to split long before they did. It could have saved everyone years of anger, fustration, and heartache. What to do will ultimately be a personal decision based upon what would do the most good for the majority of the family. Based on what you've said, I would lean to moving near her parents. Keeping with the children being the highest priority, it would provide a better educational opportunity for them. As you said, it may do your wife some good to have the love and support of family near by. It could help relieve her of some stress and may give the two of you a chance to start over and really work on things. But even if you can't salvage the marriage, having those other things will still be beneficial in the long term.

Foreverblue, do what you have to do to heal and take care of yourself. Go at the pace that you are comfortable with. Know that it's a journey, not a lightswitch. Feelings don't just disappear and can't be turned off at a moments notice. Just don't lose sight of what's important, taking care of yourself. If need be, remind yourself of how he wasn't ready for the kind of relationship you wanted. Know that better guys are out there. Explore your new area. Find ways to have fun. I believe you won't be blue forever, that you'll find a way to be happy.

If you want to have game, stick to video games and board games. Forget what any website, article, book, or person will tell you. You know who you are and you know the person you want to be. Be that person. The right person will understand who you are and appreciate you for it.

Thank you! Yes, it would be wonderful if pregnancy always happened to a married couple who were financially sound and lived an ideal life with no problems or worries. But that's not real life. Unplanned pregnancies happen. But regardless of what the circumstances leading to it is, the birth of a child is still a miracle in itself. So the best thing for the women is to be supportive. She already has enough worries and stress with what is going inside her and with the commitment she is making for the rest of her life to raising this child. She needs comfort and help, not accusations or speculation. People are going to think whatever they think. The only people's opinions who matter though are mama, daddy, and baby. If they are happy, that's good enough for me.

Personally I belive you can have many acquaintances, but that true and lasting friendships are rare. People can drift apart for any number of reasons, many having nothing to do with you. That still doesn't make it hurt any less. Sorry that you have experienced this and that they would exclude you. It isn't right or fair. It's natural to want to know what happened or to have closure. So if you need to, let them know how you feel. Ask them why they haven't included you and let them know it wasn't right of them. If they won't talk, then walk aways knowing you tried. You took the high road and gave them a chance, they were the ones who changed on you. Take comfort in knowing that people who would turn on you so quickly weren't really true friends. If this was intentional, do you really want to be friends with those people? You'll meet other people. Hopefully you will find one you click with even better.

Check with a local college about financial aid or a work/study program. I was able to get scholarships to help me out. I don't know what the system is like over there, but I'm sure they would want students to be able to get an education and would be able to help you work out a plan that fits your particular needs. Where are you currently living? I lived at home and went to a college nearby to cut down on those costs. Would your parents at least be willing to do that much, or are they insistant about not helping out in any way? And why are they refusing to help? I would hope parents would be happy to see their child trying to get an education to help their future.

Pretending to be someone you are not doesn't tend to work out anyway. At the end of the day, we are who we are. The real you will show through. The constant effort it takes to put on the facade will just drain on you and drive you crazy. You can't keep it up forever. And odds are you won't know how to do it well. You'll just be more nervous, risk saying or doing the wrong thing, and possibly create more problems then you started with. So why bother? Be honest with them, be honest with yourself. Just be you. Again, those who talk about having game are usually the ones with the least game. They make everything into a contest, a battle for control in the relationship. They have to act a certain way, insist on doing things that often amount to emotional manipulation. Really, it's just a way to protect fragile egos. The advice I've always given is to not worry about having game. Instead, be the game. Be a new game where none of the silly rules or expectations of how you are supposed to behave matter. The only rules are to be honest, respectful, and to believe in yourself.

Vectorman, I felt the same way about dating when I was your age and that was before the rise of social media and the internet. I was 22 before there was even a chance at anything with a girl. And I've been fighing on forums against a lot of the same absurd advice you've heard for nearly two decades. There is a lot of bad advice thrown out there, so the best thing I can tell you is to follow your own path and listen to what your heart tells you is right. The interesting thing about the guys who talk about being an alpha is how they tend to just repeat the same lines someone else has said. If they were an alpha, they wouldn't need to follow someone else. They wouldn't need to form a pack and regurgitate the same nonsense. And while some girls will go for the bad boy thing, they tend to tire of it quickly as it only ends up hurting them. They eventually settle down with the nice guy who treats them with respect. So be nice from the start. That will actually set you apart from a lot of guys. And I've always said I don't want to be an alpha, I want to be the omega - as in the last guy she will ever be with, the one she picks for life. At least, that's the hope. I have been told by multiple women that they don't care, that what counts is the connection you feel with each other. There are some women who may even like the idea of being the more experienced one, of being the one to teach him things and give him these experiences. I knew women who were virgins in their mid and late 20's who were waiting for the right person and who loved the thought of finding a man who felt the same, being able to share the experience together, possibly being the only ones who they would ever be with. Sex is a personal matter. What anyone else thinks of it doesn't matter. What counts is what you want. Do you really want to lose it to someone you don't know or don't care for? Personally, I think it is a special thing that should be with someone you love. It's an emotional, even spiritual act. I can't imagine just sharing that with anyone. I have a feeling you might feel similarly. You don't have to see someone a particular way. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to act a certain way. You just have to be you. Dating/love/relationships don't have rules you have to follow. Every person is different. What works for you will be different then works for me or for anyone else. So do what makes you happy. The goal is to find someone who fits with you, so wouldn't you want to be yourself? As long as you aren't harming yourself or others, do what comes naturally and things will work out for the best.

Sorry it didn't work out for you. Sometimes a person can be wonderful in some ways, but off in others. You deserve all those memories and to be courted the way you want. Somewhere out there is a guy who will be a better fit, who will want the same things you do. For now, just focus on building a life for you and being happy with yourself. Enjoy the new job. See the move as a chance to start fresh, putting this guy behind you. Hope thngs go well and know where all still here if you need some more help or a little pick me up.

Someone who loves you will uplift you, not put you down. They will work with you instead of blaming and attacking you. They will accept responsibility for their actions instead of making it about how you need to change. They will make you feel better, help you find strength to do more instead of making feel lesser, only half a person. Love should not make you feel sad all the time. It's not your fault for loving or caring. Those are good things. But you do seem to be caring for someone who isn't able or willing to reciprocate. Relationships are a two way street, needing each person to put in the effort. He isn't doing that "If you love someone, let them go." In this case, love yourself enough to let him go. You deserve to feel whole again and as long as he is there to keep tearing you down, you'll never feel whole.