Jump to content

ShySoul

Platinum Member
  • Posts

    5,637
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    5

ShySoul last won the day on March 9

ShySoul had the most liked content!

2 Followers

About ShySoul

  • Birthday 02/01/1983

Recent Profile Visitors

1,357 profile views

ShySoul's Achievements

Grand Master

Grand Master (14/14)

  • Very Popular Rare
  • Dedicated Rare
  • Reacting Well Rare
  • First Post
  • Collaborator

Recent Badges

367

Reputation

  1. Kim, I was the male in this situation a couple years ago. My downstairs neighbor apparently thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me, but was too shy to say anything. One day I returned home from work to find a note taped to my door saying she liked my hair and wanting to know about me. After some initial confusion (wait, this is really happening to me!?), I thought about it and found it sweet and charming. We exchanged a few letters that way. Unfortunately she stopped communicating when she found out our age difference, eventually leaving one last note. Oh well, at least I will always have a neighbor story to entertain people with now. πŸ™„ If you are nervous in person, you could leave a note. You don't have to be as forward as in my situation, maybe just ask if he needs anything or offer your assistance. Maybe say you enjoyed talking with him and to say hi if you see each other so you can chat some more. As far as talking in person, I'll second mylolita's tips. Try not to be nervous. He's just a guy and may be just as nervous as you. Ask open ended questions to get him talking. That can help take some pressure off of you. Hopefully you can find something in common and use that as a jumping off point for future conversations. Hope things go well. Relax, breathe, and remember you can do it.
  2. Unfortunately, there will also be that portion of men who have devolved. πŸ˜‰ Personally, I've never understood why people think there is a need to "chase" anyone. The times things have gone well for me, things kind of just fell in place. There were issues to work on, as there always is. But no one needed to be pursuing or chasing anything. It's like people don't feel it's right unless they have to jump through a bunch of self created hurdles and unnecessary obstacles. Others can enjoy the "chase" all the right, I think I'll stick to enjoying time actually being with the person.
  3. If you feel you are getting mixed signals, why not just ask him? Really, no one here can know what's in his mind. Trying to figure it out yourself will drive you crazy. So ask him how he feels. Tell him the truth, that you still have feelings but that you don't want to invest yourself again if he doesn't feel the same and is going to pull back like he did before. Clear the air and know once and for all what this is between you. It's not fair to anyone to be so uncertain, feeling like a yo-yo being tossed between friends and something more. Really amazes me how much time people spend ruminating over issues in there heads, trying to play out all kinds of scenarios. The easiest answer is always to just confront the issue head on and talk about the problem with a person. Yes, it can be scary and difficult. You might not get the answer you are hoping for. But you'll know. At worse you can begin to process things and recover. At best, you could end up with something special.
  4. Well, I'm a male who has only developed romantic feelings for women I have been friends with. So yes, I would say it's possible. Again, every male is different. The important thing isn't to figure out what most men would think or do. That would take a lifetime. Besides, a lot of men don't even know themselves. No, the important thing is to figure out what you want and are looking for. Then see if someone is compatible, that is, if they want the same thing.
  5. I was once in a position where I was interested in someone who had been hurt from a past relationship. She had trust issues. I could have stopped things early and probably avoided a lot of hurt. But I would have also missed out on some of the best experiences I had ever had. It ultimately didn't work out, but I wouldn't have had done things any other way. We were meant to be in each others life, if only for that time. She needed my support to him her through those trust issues. And I needed her for where I was at in my life. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and go where the heart takes you. Relationships happen when it's right. Just keep talking to each other as friends and see how you both feel. If there is more there, you will eventually sense it. And if you don't, the worse that happens is you keep a good friend. But also don't try to force anything that either of you aren't feeling.
  6. Everyone gets lonely and wishes they had that special someone to be with them. It's understandable. It makes us human. And I'm sure single parents do have it harder finding someone. But there are guys out there who wouldn't mind a relationship with a single mom. Maybe I'm biased, but I look to my family. My father got with my mom when she already had two boys. One of my brothers got with a woman when she already had two girls. Both couples ended up getting married. So it's not impossible to find someone. What you are missing is the closeness, the companionship. After a long day of work, household chores, and running after a child, you can't help but think how nice it would be to have someone there to share things with, to help you through all the madness. You want someone just to talk to and to hold you, letting you feel safe and know that it will all be alright. And yes, sex would be nice too. But mindblowing sex isn't going to fill the rest of the emptyness inside you. You need more, which is why seeing this guy is ultimately not fulfilling. Be strong enough to end things if it's not giving you what you need. And you are strong. Any woman who can be a single mom is strong, certainly strong enough to tell a man she wants more then casual sex. From there, take time to focus on you. Do you get moments to yourself? Maybe have family who can babysit once a week so you can have an evening off to recharge? If you want you can try dating. Or you can just do something for you. See a movie/play. Shop. Take a hike. Do anything that takes your mind off the lonliness, off the responsibilities, and is simply fun and makes you happy.
  7. Don't settle for the minimum, and certainly don't accept less. We each deserve someone who will value and respect us as the unique indivuduals we are, someone who will treat us special. When you've really found the one, they will treat you extra well because they will know just how extraordinary you are. Stay positive. Better days, and better guys, are out there.
  8. Worth repeating. This is your life, you should always stay true to who you are. Just because someone else does something or thinks something is okay, doesn't mean you should do it. Keep to what you are comfortable with and don't let anyone try to pressure you to do otherwise. And I wouldn't consider it normal to do everything on a second (or first) date. Maybe it's normal for them, but it's not normal for everyone. So stick to what is right for you. Besides, what's so great about "normal" anyway? I kinda like not being normal and standing apart from the crowd. πŸ˜‰
  9. Every man is different. Every woman is different. Every relationship is different. You can't generalize or assume that any group will behave a certain way. There are romantic males out there (that's me raising my hand), who would move heaven and earth, doing everything in my power to be with the one I love and would hold onto that relationship far past the point most would give up. There are also males who would give up at the slightest hint of an issue. And there are males at all points in between. The point isn't what a man would do, it's what this particular man would do. And more importantly, it's what you feel you should do for your own well being. He seems honest and sincere in his feelings of friendship. He does seem to want to keep you in his life. And he does seem to care about you. Unfortunately, it's not the romantic feelings you are hoping for now That is tough. It can hurt to be so close, to have almost found what you've been longing for but have it just out of reach. So the question is, can you handle it? Do you want to be friends, even knowing it's not the level you are now feeling. There's nothing wrong with that. Attraction can take time. If you weren't feeling things before, then you weren't feeling it. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't have the patience to wait and let someone sort out there feelings. But that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You should always go at your pace, do what you feel is right for you. Try not to compare yourself to anyone else. Everyone goes at their own pace. If yours is slower, then that;s just what is right for you. It doesn't matter if everyone else has a relationship. It doesn't matter if it takes a long time to get one yourself. What counts is that we you finally do get a relationship, it is the right relationship for you and that it makes you happy. I know how fustrating it is when things never seem to work out. But it will work out one day, and things will be better for the wait. The person who finally does see your amazing and beautiful you, will be lucky to have you. And there won't be confusion or doubt. It will work out fine, because it's meant to work out.
  10. It's never fair to compare people against each other. Each person is an individual and should be judged on their own merits. So take each case individually. If S does not inspire those butterflies, then he is not ticking every box. There may not be anything "wrong." It doesn't have to be him or you, it could simply be that you are better suited as friends. As for B, why can't he be in the equation? If you both have feelings for each other, then why deny those feelings? Yes, circumstances would dictate a long distance relationship for now. Yes, that would require some work and adjustments on both ends. And yes, it wouldn't always be easy. But plenty of people have done it and made it work. In the end, always follow your heart. If your heart is leaning in one direction, you owe it to yourself to see where that leads. It may work out, it may not. But you'll know for sure and won't have to look back and wonder "what if?" In the long run, you won't regret it.
  11. All depends on the person. (Yes, I wish there was an easier answer then that). I've had cases where I've felt first. I've also had her feel first. And a separate, probably larger issue is who feels deeper. As a sensitive male, that's usually been me.
  12. I wish I could give you a step by step guide right now, that would make things easier. And it could probably make me rich as it would solve so many relationship issue. πŸ˜‰ The easiest thing to tell you is that you know if you learn to trust your instinct. Look at who a person is, how they treat others and especially how they treat you. A person's natural personality will always shine through in the end. It's not about any one thing they say or do. It's the pattern. A person who genuinely cares about will take the time to do things for you. They will volunteer to cook and clean themselves. They will be available when you need to talk. They will lend you support and help. They will plan something to surprise you. They will take an interest in your hobbies or the things you like. Someone who is using you or only cares about what you do for them won't think beyond how they benefit from something. They will come to expect all the things you do, maybe even make you feel guilty for not doing something. They won't put in the same effort. That's not to say someone who misses you can't make a mistake and be selfish at times. That's also not to say someone overall selfish can't do a nice act here and there. But it's the general pattern of behavior that counts. And when the good ones do mess up, they usually realize it and feel bad, trying to make it up to you. The not so good ones, may not even recognize the problem. That's exactly the feeling I think we are all trying to get at. It feels like this is all one sided, with you putting in the work to please him. What does he do for you? Is the relationship worth all you are putting into it? He is fulfilling your needs? That's a question you have to answer for yourself. Take an honest look at things, seeing him as he is instead of who you want him to be. Then figure out how you feel.
  13. Possibly there is a reason the friend doesn't want to post? Maybe she is shy or unsure of herself? Maybe she is nervous about telling a bunch of strangers her problems? Or maybe lexi is just trying to be a friend and get help for her? Lexi is free to correct me, but it actually seems like a rather simple issue made complicated by a reference to an unrelated topic. The guy messaged an ex and the friend is confused as to why. Lexi, unless your friend has reason to be suspicious of the guy or the ex, tell her to not worry about it. What matters is how well they are getting along. If the relationship seems to be proceeding fine, then all systems go and proceed with enjoyment.
  14. To clarify: Your friend is seeing a guy who contacted his ex to ask if she was "stalking." Your friend is now confused, wondering why he would even talk to his ex in the first place. Correct? Just because people break up doesn't mean they will never speak again. It doesn't have to mean anything, it could just be a situation they were thrown into where they had to talk or it would it would have been rude not to say something. In this case, if the ex is looking through his social media, maybe he wanted to know why? Maybe it was natural curiosity. Maybe he wanted to send a message to indicate he was aware and that she couldn't get away with something. Hey, depending on there sense of humor, maybe it was some kind of joke. If she continues to try to spy on him, have her blocked. Otherwise, don't worry about an ex. She is an ex for a reason. Your friend is the one he is with now. They should focus on their relationship and work to make sure that relationship is going well and that they are both enjoying it.
  15. Rarely still leaves the chance that it is possible. Personally, if it is someone I love, I'd rather be able to say I tried and did all I could to help them. Plus when you do care for someone, it's not so easy to just remove yourself entirely. Part of you is with them and you want to see that person well, no matter how hurt you may be feeling. Citrine, of course, if you feel your safety is in danger, you remove yourself from the situation. You can't help them if you aren't safe yourself. And given there are children, you need to protect them first. Once you have removed the immediate danger, then you can figure out what you want to do. Maybe the risk of actually losing you and the children will snap him to reality and he'll want to try to change. But he needs to make the effort. And its very likely he won't. In that case, know that it is on him. You can't fix someone or make them do something they aren't ready for. In the end, he is responsible for him. You take care of you and the children.
Γ—
Γ—
  • Create New...