Majere1972

OKAY. FACTS FIRST. I AM WITH A WOMAN WHO LIVES ABOUT 350 MILES AWAY FROM ME, BOTH IN SCHOOL AND APART UNTIL SHE GRADUATES, AND OUR LOVE IS PROFESSED IN REGULARITY AND ABUNDANCE. SHE IS VERY TRUSTWORTHY, AND SHE FEELS THE SAME WITH ME. MY PROBLEM IS THIS... I HAVE HAD SERIOUS PROBLEMS IN RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE WITH CHEATING. EVERY SINGLE ONE. I KNOW THIS WOMAN WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ME, AND AM VERY SECURE WITH THAT. UNFORTUNATELY, I STILL MUST HAVE SOME GRIEVANCES ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN MY PAST, BECAUSE THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I FEEL LIKE MY EMOTIONS ARE TO BE DROWNED IN BLOOD. (NOT SUICIDE, JUST A BLEEDING HEART.) I CAN TRULY, HONESTLY SAY, AND IT MIGHT SOUND A LITTLE WACKED AS PEOPLE TELL ME, BUT IF I WERE TO EVER LOSE THIS WOMAN, I WOULD NEVER WANT ANOTHER. AND SHE TELLS ME THE SAME. BUT, EVEN THOUGH WE BOTH FEEL THE SAME FOR EACH OTHER, I KNOW THAT IF I CONTINUE WITH THESE NEGATIVE FEELINGS OF DISTRUST AND HURT FEELINGS, SHE WILL NOT HESITATE. WE BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER TO THE ENDS OF OURSELVES, AND I NEED SOME ADVICE ON THIS. SINCE WE ARE APART, IT IS HARD FOR ME NOT TO THINK ABOUT CERTAIN SITUATIONS THAT I KNOW PROBABLY WILL NEVER HAPPEN. SHE TELLS ME THAT I BETTER CALL, BECAUSE SHE REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME. I CALL, AND THERE IS NO ANSWER. SO I SIT UP AND WORRY THAT SHE MIGHT BE DOING SOMETHING THAT JUST MIGHT HURT ME, OR MAKE ME MISTRUST HER. LIKE CHEATING. WHENEVER SHE CALLS BACK, OR I DO GET A HOLD OF HER, THERE IS ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS, A LEGITIMATE EXCUSE THAT IS ALWAYS BACKED BY HER MOTHER. HER MOTHER WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME. NOT ONLY THIS, BUT SOMTIMES SHE JOKES ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE HURTFUL TO ME BECAUSE OF MY PAST, AND SHE TELLS ME THAT I NEED TO RELAX BECAUSE SHE IS NOT ANY OF THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BETRAYED ME BEFORE. I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH HER. I DO TELL HER THAT IT IS HURTFUL AND SHE STOPS, BUT SHE STILL HAS THAT FEELING OF NOT BEING ABLE TO LAUGH AT THINGS THAT SHE MIGHT FIND FUNNY BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS HAS TO WATCH HER STEP AROUND ME. THERE ARE OTHER THINGS, NOT MANY, BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM. I NEED TO FIND SOME SENSE OF SECURTIY WITH MYSELF AND HER BEFORE I DO OR SAY SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE HER THINK OTHERWISE. I KNOW THAT I AM SECURE WITH WHO I AM AND WHO SHE IS. I AM COMFORTABLE WITH HER AND SHE WITH ME. WE HAVE A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, EVEN IF WE ARE A WAYS APART, AND WE BOTH RELY ON EACH OTHER FOR SUPPORT AND LOVE. NOT ANYONE ELSE. HOW ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH, DO I GET RID OF THESE HURTFUL FEELINGS ABOUT MY TRUST BEING RUINED, AND HOW DO I STOP THINKING OF THINGS THAT I KNOW SHE WILL NEVER DO? HOW DO I KEEP MY MOUTH CLOSED ABOUT MY INNERMOST FEELINGS OF PAIN AND REGRET THAT I KNOW SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH? AND LASTLY, HOW DO I MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE, THAT EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT SHE WOULD DO ANTHING TO HURT ME, HOW DO I TRAIN MY MIND INTO BELIEVING MY HEART? I HAVE BEEN HYRT SEVERELY IN THE PAST, AND I WON'T HAVE MY PAST RUIN THIS. I TRULY NEED HELP, AND I AM BEGGING, IF NOT PLEADING, FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS SOUND ADVICE ON SOMETHING LIKE THIS. ANYTHING WOULD BE APPRECIATED. THANK YOU

Well, well, well. Sisterlynch, I think you not only have the poets gift of exaggeration, but with misconstruance as well. DO NOT GET ME WRONG HERE Again. Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to be a jerk to you, I just hate being accused of things that I have not and will not do. One thing that I am not is a liar, and one thing in my life that I will never do is give false advice, or try to run someone's life for them. Until you can see that, please, I ask, do not point the finger at anyone unless you know it for fact.

First of all, I would like to be the one to give you a first hand account on an honest man's point of view. They are right. men are attracted to women "visually". It's not necessarily an exact account of what they want or what they are looking for, because to be honest, myself, I tend to be a huge fan of some supermodels, but I would never in my life ever trade the woman I have for any of them. (Mandy Fisher, Victoria Silvstedt, etc.) They may be beautiful with or without clothes on, but they aren't real, and most if not all are married. Happily I might add. So in essense, if it comes right down to Jealousy, or if you think it is, just think to yourself that he can't have them anyway. Besides, what do they have that you don't? A body? Whatever. Not everything that looks nice IS nice. A little point: My favorite actor just happens to be Sean Connery. I love the man to death because he plays the perfect role in everything that he does, but the rumors of him being a wife beater really turns my stomach! Just a little info. Anyway, I believe that alot of the nudity thing between men and women has alot to do with sexuality. How many men do you know that would love to have two women at the same time? Now compare that to how many men you know that would like a threesome with a guy and a girl. I'll just bet that the percentage difference would shock you. And I can almost guarantee that the reason for it would be Jealousy, or insecurity. Trust me. Being a man, I would most definitely have some issues with my most trusted partner to be "invaded" by another man. Again, looking at the sexuality part of nudity, most men like the idea of watching two women at once. Now according to society, that is ok. For some reason, it's ok for a woman to be with another woman, but when you have two men together, it's sacrilege. Just because it's not widely accepted as lesbianism. I apologize for the long and drawn out reply here, but I seriously think that you have nothing at all to worry about. It's eye candy for him, and who knows. He might be thinking of you in the pictured situation!!! I know I do with my fiance'. It makes for some interesting time with your partner. Ideas are great if used for the right purpose. And in this case, like I said. Coming from a man, pictures are always made to look better than they truly are. He is with you at a single glance. But the movie that the woman was in was probably make-up'd to death, and probably had to shoot the scene over and over because she didn't look so great at a certain angle! As for the breasts, every woman has them, and most are fake on the screen anyway. You are as real as they come, and that is what matters. Be happy with yourself, and I can guarantee that he will be happy with you!! No worries!

Just for context and possibly responsive purposes, my reply to the "nice guys finish last", i will try to make short...if possible. I am "one " of the perfect examples of the nice guys. After many years of trial and error, I have found that the reason for this "aperture" of men, is simply that alot of the times, they look for the most available, or the one that shows interest. In this, they never truly get to experience what they want. my solution to this is the answer that alot of psychologists prefer to call an "ism" It's too vague to actually give a true respectable answer for any one situation, but what the perfect solution to something like this would be to just be you. If you concentrate on you, and what you want, and strive to get what you want and need, then people seem to look at you differently. I gave up on looking and concentrated on my own life. Once I started on the up and up, my attitude changed drastically, because I wasn't always worried so much about being alone. I had other things and opportunities to look forward to which made me happy. Everyone started to notice this, and flocked in my direction. It's really simple if you think about it. Be you. Be for you, and things will most likely go better for you in all aspects and directions. 8) "Don't expect to keep someone happy, if you can't be happy with yourself!"

First of all, I guess I should day that I am not naive, and most definitely not stupid. There has been only twice that I have followed my heart and it has never been wrong yet. My problem or situation is not real simple, but could be answered simply. I have no idea what happened to me, or what my mind could have been thinking. But I finally decided to go for a woman that I had my eye on for a while. I passed her up for someone else initially, but now that I have taken the time to actually get to know her, she has completely wow-ed me to the point of stupidity. I can't stop thinking about her, she makes me feel like I am the best thing in the world, and she always wants to be with me. She thinks that I am just what she has been looking for. On my side, she has been the most wonderful thing and I have totally and unconditionally fallen in love with her. This is all within a span of just a few months. Am I crazy? Or should I just follow my heart like I feel I should? I have had nothing but bad cheating relationships, and she, regardless of who is around, only pays attention to me. I love it. I love it all. I finally found someone who is worthy of my time. I just hope that I am worth hers. Am I just too worried that this is all just a "honeymoon" stage in a relationship? She is honest and sincere, but I am not used to it. Again, I have fallen completely in love with this woman, and I am just afraid that I am reacting on goodness and the love that she gives me rather than what it really could turn out to be. Am I too skeptical? Am I too worrysome? Should I just let things go and watch a possible perfect relationship unfold? I am scared. I have never had this kind of attention and I just don't want to say or do anything stupid to ruin what could be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would give all the money in the world just to have an answer for my feelings that I can't control. Anyway, someone, anyone, please tell me that I worry too much and this is just something that I should accept and love than to sit and nitpick about it. Thank you. I would do anything in the world to make this work. Anything!

One word. Irresponsibility. I wish I had some good news to tell you, but it seems to me that he has no real mind for what is good in his life. I am 30 years old, and though my situation may not be the same, I have had a similar unrespectable event that had made me not believe in the word "love" From my experience, as far as love goes, the words I love you, mean nothing to me. When my girlfriend looks at me and smiles, and holds onto me and hugs me and lays her head on my chest is my sign of love. That is how I express it, and how it makes me feel is how I understand it. I personally don't trust in the words because it is just vocabulary that someone put into use. I just don't know how to say what I want to tell you, because I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But here goes... He obviously doesn't understand what being in a relationship means to either you, or the young one that will grow up to possibly despise him for what he has done to you. That may not happen, but it is possible. The important part to remember is the fact that he has lied to you, has stolen money from you, and God knows what else. But what he doesn't realize, is that he is hurting the child too. If that doesn't give anyone the idea that they don't care, than I don't know what will. And if this man can't care, he won't ever. People do change, but when drugs and alcohol are involved, it is unlikely. My heart goes out to you and your child, and I hope that either you find someone good for you and your family, or he comes to his senses sometime soon to see what he really has!

Unfortunately, you are not alone. There are quite a few out there that this has happened to and myself being one of them. I will tell you that alcohol is a poor way to drown sorrows. To be honest, what I would suggest, is if you really still love her and want her around, then you have to look at the options. Options being: Do you think that it would be worth your feelings to get hurt again if you tried to get her back and it didn't work? Do you think that she would listen and understand? Do you know her well enough to make a decision on what she might want from you? When you get a positive reaction from your feelings on all of these things, sit down and write... Write down what you want to tell her. Most men have a hard time with reason on a whim, as per your instantanious reaction with hurtful words. I can't say that this is a sure fire way to get anyone back, but it will sure make you feel better to get those feelings out to make sure you know what exactly it is you want. Even if it is from her. Easier said than done, I know, but don't waste your life away worrying about the petty things that you say or do. She might not have even taken offense to it. She might have understood. You never know. Women are fickle and that is just that. So, good luck and try not to make a habit of finding things to do that might hurt yourself to get things off your mind.

I will try to make this short. I just recently got together with a girl that is probably the greatest thing to happen in my marital life. She is very trusting, and I trust her... to a point. My past seems to always catch up with me as my last two relationships ended up ridiculously over on a moments notice. My first real relationship was two years. I found that those two years were not faithful, and definitely not worth my time. She flirted, I ignored. Because it wasn't a big thing with me then. I trusted her. My second relationship, which seems tragic, but not necessarily so, I was used to have a child. The whole time she was with me, she was with her fiance'. We were together for nine months, and her excuse for leaving was that I wasn't paying her bills. My son is seven now, and I have not been with anybody for that many years because of distrust and hate for women. Now that I have decided that I am ready again, I seem to have dropped myself into a situation. Don't get me wrong, she is most definitely NOT like the others, but she has some of the same habits. Flirting. The way she flirts bothers me. Normally it only happens when we go out for drinks, but when she flirts, she kisses other guys, she grabs crotches, and other things. For some stupid reason, I just know she wouldn't do anything with them. Also, I am her first real relationship. She has had one experience with sex and that turned out to be the worst experience that she could have. She is 26, and she has lived her life this way her whole life so I know I can't be prejudgemental. But with my past, I can't seem to get over the idea that I am just another one of her flirts instead of her boyfriend. She has mentioned before about trying to fix things so I do have a little comfort in this. Am I being to much of a girl, or just totally impatient? Maybe a little too in touch with my feminine side??? Any advice would be much appreciated. I don't want to lose this woman over my stupid insecurities. Lonny