rebellefleur

I watched this movie tonight called bachelorette. It was terrible, but the one girl in it, she reminded me of me. She met up with her ex from at the wedding because he was there and he ended up telling her how sorry he was for everything, that he loved her and that they were meant to be together. I cried a lot from that. When i saw the scene where they kissed for the first time, i imagined being in her place, and you being in his. I think in that moment all i would be able to do was tell you that i missed you and how happy it would make me to know you wanted us. I imagined how happy i would be. I wish life were like the movies. I wish you'd miss me, and come back and fight for me. I wish you'd actually believe we were meant to be.

You're a selfish d***head! That is all!

I have been struggling so hard with NC tonight. I've been crying my eyes out for the past hour just wondering how this is so easy for him, how he could just let me go, wondering if this is really it forever...so thank you for this post. I needed it so incredibly much.

It's a gorgeous day outside and i keep wondering how you're spending it. Probably with your niece or riding your bike. I hope not with someone new. I'm missing you today. I've been spending the whole weekend with my friends, going out with them and their significant others. I'm literally the only single one now and it makes me miss you even more. I wish you could be spending this time with me too, not that you ever really went out with my group of friends anyhow. I miss you, i hope you miss me too. I know you don't, but i hope one day you will. If you're not coming back, i just want to forget you, i want to be happy without you and not feel like a piece of me is missing.

Come back and be with me. Fall in love with me again and give us a chance. Let us be what we could have been, should have been. I miss you so much much. Please, please, please come back.

Again?! Really? Another early morning that i wake up before the birds and i'm thinking of you. I just miss you generally, but then i think about how big of a dbag you were, but then i think of how lovely you were, and how the beginning was. I don't know. I just have this gut feeling that we aren't over, that this isn't the end, but i feel like it's the end for a long time. I don't know if that's me holding on to hope and in denial (probably) or maybe i'm right. I always think about what that psychic said, that it would be hard and painful, but worth it in the end. I'm just so confused. I called you this morning, blocked, just to see if you've unblocked my number yet...you haven't. I wonder how long things will stay this way. I don't want to miss you anymore, i don't want to be up at 5am thinking of you, because i know you aren't doing the same but god i wish you were. I wish you'd come back or feel the torture i feel. I keep getting this other gut feeling that you're talking to someone, probably her- who you always were interested in and went to- i hope not but i feel like you might be. In this moment in time, i just want to kick you in the face for all of this. You're selfish, and you're immature, and i hope one day you realize what you lost. I PRAY you do.

I'm up way too early missing you. I keep checking my phone and hoping your number will be on my screen when it lights up. Why aren't you missing me? Why is this so easy for you? I crept on your sisters facebook, not that we're friends or that i can ever see anything but it just brought me back to the beginning when things were good and your family loved me. I miss you so much, please come back soon.

I hate that i haven't heard from you. Are you happier without me? You probably are, i know you are, because if you weren't you'd be back by now i'm sure. I guess i'll continue trying to live my life without you being even a tiny piece of it, but i still hope that one day you'll be back. I felt like you were the one when i met you, i still feel that, i just hope fate brings us back together, as better people. I still love you, and i think of you every second. I hope either you return or eventually i don't think of you at all.

It's been a week since we've last talked, this is the longest. I still hope every text is from you. I wish this time apart would be something that would be killing you, i hope that you feel an emptiness that eats away at you, but you don't- because if you did you'd probably be back by now. You're probably talking to her again and it makes me sick. I hate you for giving up, i don't know if i'll ever forgive you for that.

I have the worst feeling that you're back to talking to her, that she's back in your life. I know she is, she has to be. She's so classless and trashy and ugh. It makes me sick to think about. I hate that you're not mine anymore, i miss you so much and i'm sick of feeling this way. Please come back.

Today is the stupid superbowl, which quite frankly, i could care less about but for some reason i just remembered that last years superbowl was spent with you at my friend's apartment. It just breaks my heart how time changes things. I remember that this particular weekend, you missed your bus back home and i drove you 6 hours back the next day just so i could have an extra night with you. How dare you ever tell me that i never did anything for you. Well, this is day one of starting NC and really starting it. You'll probably be at the bar with your guys, where that girl you talk to works, and i'm sure you won't even remember that you spent last year's superbowl with me. I wish you still cared, i wish you still loved me- because i do for you. I miss you.

I hate you so much, i really do. I hate you for putting me through all of this and i hate you for not caring anymore. You're such a poor excuse for a man, you're still such an immature little boy. Grow up already.

I hate you. More than anything right now. I hate who you've become, i think you're such a crappy person for doing this to me. I hope you're having tons of fun at the mountains, getting obliterated, and i hope you're hooking up with some random girl and i hope i find out so i can just let go of you because that would hurt and i'd hate you for it. I hate that you don't even come to me, no text, no call, not even a drunken call and it's not even like i'd want to respond but it'd still be nice to know that ou're thinking of me. I want you to hurt, so bad, just like i do. I want you to miss me and think of me and not have the best time. But that's all wishful thinking. And mostly i just wish you'd come back. A big part of me hopes you get eaten by a bear up there. ps- i miss you, so, so, so much.

I honestly can't stop missing you or thinking about you and it hurts. I don't know why i miss you so much. I always focus on the good you, the boy who didn't break my heart when maybe i should be focusing on the old you. But i loved you with my whole heart and now that you're completely out of my life, i feel terrible. It breaks my heart that you don't even attempt to contact me, i wonder if you're ever even tempted? I feel so broken and it feels like right now, i'll never be able to put the pieces back together. I miss you so, so, so much and i wish you'd come back, i wish we'd have a second chance. We would have been okay, you know. I think a second chance would have been a good thing. I miss every piece of you but i guess this is the way it's going to have to feel for awhile. I just don't want to hurt anymore, i don't want to miss you...i want you to miss me.

I would give anything in this world to give us a second chance. I miss you so much. Please come back.