rmb

Thanks Maggie. Thanks to all of you for your prompt support. This is such a warm and wonderful place to be. Newsbreak: She is moving in with him. I could die of a broken heart right now. It was all arranged Saturday. That was fast! I was just with him Friday nite and didn't have a clue. We were supposed to stay the weekend in the mountains, just the two of us, this weekend. He was going to pick me up at work we were going to go right there. I feel so sick. Thanks everyone for your help. I hope to talk to you later in the forum under happier circumstances. May God bless you all. sincerely, rmb

I would like to have the courage to call and ask him what happened. I wish I could trust him. I can't trust him fully and completely. He's given me reasons not too (over her). I have been able to cry some now, and it helps take some of the pain away. There have been many signs in this past year that shouted out "he still loves her". As I said, he gave me full lip service, but actions speak louder than words, he woed me until he was blue in the face, and I've heard him cuss her out over the phone, but whenever action was needed, she always came first because "she is my children's mother". It is true that for today, I am doing better than her by means that I am not unemployed or homeless and driving around with everything I own in my car, so maybe that is why she gets first place. I just called him and left a message telling him that I have calmed down since this morning and that I was sorry for lying to him, telling him all those cruel things and that I was reacting to the sight of her car at his house so early in the morning. She wants him back. The more her kids would tell her about the things "we" did as a family, the more she would call and interfere. I guess she feels like she's almost back in the scene. I have nothing on her, she had his children, his marriage, his life. I have just been the girlfriend who tried to be there. I could always tell when she had called or came over because they would act different, they would act cold and uncertain. I am so glad I don't do that with my ex and his girlfriend.

Thank you for your replies. I know that I was quick to react and not listen. I was afraid to listen because he could have easily explained everything and tell me exactly what I want to hear, and I would be right back in his bed again, BUT, he told me over and over again how sick she makes him, that if she was broke down on the highway, he wouldn't stop. He did this to hurt me and I don't know why. Maybe he has grown weary of "us" in the last year and he just wants to end it. We have constantly had to work out different things that have come between us. We have had some serious conversation and worked out compromise. Maybe we don't have the strength to handle everyone's complaints about us being together anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We have had our typical ups and downs, nothing I thought was too bad. He has been divorced for 4 years. He gave me such good lip service...he really made me feel special (most of the time). I always had my doubts about his ex-wife. They had 3 children together and she left them for whatever reasons. He has raised them, with the help of his mother (whom he lives with) for the last four years. My kids live with me too, and between the both of us, we have 8. That never seemed to be a problem. He is my daughter's softball coach. Sometimes we would argue and he would twist my words around and then insist that is what I was saying. He would make himself believe things I never, ever said. He is so emotional. I really learned how to be careful if ever I didn't like something because he would really take it to heart. He told me he has never loved like this. We were supposed to go on a romantic vacation this weekend. Yesterday, at the game, he and his ex-wife (who he claims he hates) were buddy-buddy in the dugout. I kept my peace and my distance, since we weren't talking anyway. About 3 hours after the game, I found an excuse to go over to his house to drop something off. When I got there, his ex-wife's car was there and she was sitting in the garage helping her daughter with something. I just kind of smiled, and left. This morning on my way to work, I followed up on a hunch I had, and drove by his house (I have never done this before) and was only half-way surprised to see her car still there. She had spent the night. He let her. I called him at work and asked him if he got enough sleep last night (when we were together on a work night, we would only get about 2 hours of sleep). He sounded surprised and said he went to bed around 11:30. Then I asked him where did his ex sleep, he didn't say anything for a minute and then he said not with me. I hung up. I called again about an hour later and completely disgraced myself. I told him that I hated him and that I never loved him and the last year was all an act. I told him that I was more of a man than he was and that I never cared about him. I told him that being with him was a pain in my neck and I'm glad it was finally over. I felt better for about 5 minutes, but now I feel even worse. I wish I didn't call and say those things. I wish I had played it cool, but I am hurting so bad right now. I feel so betrayed. He can't stand it when I have to talk to my ex-husband and I talk to him about the kids maybe once every two months to make arrangements for him to see them. His ex-wife calls all the time, even as late as midnight, to talk to him. If ever my ex-husband spent the night at my house, even if he slept in his truck, in my driveway and never came in the house, there is no telling what my boyfriend (ex now, sob) would have had to say. I know it would have crushed him. This is so new to me. I don't know what to do. How can I go to the ballfield with my head up high and see the two of them there as I sit all alone? All the parents on the team knew we were together. They knew we had been together since last year's season (that's is where we met). He is so self rightous. He constantly justifies himself. He will be justifying himself today, at the game. He told me to leave him alone. He said do I have to spend the rest of my life dealing with you. That really hurts, because once upon a time, not that long ago, he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. What do I do? I really hope I can make it (I am earning my BA to become an attorney), and someday in the future we will run into each other and he will miss me like crazy and all the little problems we had will have been forgotten and all he can do is remember why he let his ex-wife spend the night while he is standing there, wanting me like I know he used to. I wish he thinks "Man, she was mine, all mine. My baby girl and I was her Daddy. I could have had her and I let her go" Honestly people, that will never happen will it? That is just my wounded ego wanting to feel better right now. But honestly, I really do hope he misses me someday. How could he be with her? How could he go back to the woman who turned her back on her own children because they were too much like him?

Dear Justice: You poor sweet baby! Pedophiles make me so sick! I wish they would all die a horrible painful torturous death! But you, you were given a gift through your sufferance. You are more qualified to help another child who has been raped than a person with a MD who has never been victimized. You have the gift of listening to and actually feeling the pain of a child who has been raped, and make a difference in their life. Your pain gave you the gift to understand how a victim of rape is feeling and what they want and need to hear. You have the gift to console them and make them feel better. To be UNDERSTOOD by someone who has truly walked in the same shoes gives an abundance of hope, you are that hope. I have found, from personal experience, that when I help someone who is younger than me, they help me take away my pain and give me a protective feeling towards them- to keep that hurt that we both share away from them. That somehow gives me a purpose to live rather than fall in the depths of self-destruction. All the best to you, honey. You are going to make a difference; you are going to be some pedophiles worst nightmare someday because you carry the flag of justice in your heart.

Your post of "48 hours" got my attention and my heart really goes out to you. I admire that you are a strong woman. You were on your own before you met him. You were raising your child all by yourself. You produced your own business. It really stinks that this man has let you down, and it's even harder because his son was in your life too. If your child and his were close, then the grief and questions your child has is even more of a burden on you. I truly understand your pain. How long does it take to get over him? How long will it take to get used to him not being there, whether he was being good or bad? It seems like it takes FOREVERRRRR! I wish for you some time to yourself where you can think about all of this and just let it go. I pray that you will be able to cry and sob over the loss of: 1. What you (and your child) had with him, 2. What you hoped it would be, 3. What you now see is the truth and never will be, 4. The anger that it happened to you. After you have been able to do this a few times, the pain will start to lessen and your mind will clear. Accepting the reality that this whole situation is rotten will help, too. One more thing, give that little person who calls you "Mommy" some extra special lovin, kids hurt too. Good luck and stay strong!