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Hello everyone, Most do not know my story, but to quickly recap: We were together almost a year, he woke up one day and decided that he didn't "feel anything anymore", this wasn't how a relationship was supposed to be...basically a bunch of crap. I went through the typical post breakup symptoms...I was crying, angry, sad, depressed...you name it. This happened more than a month ago and up until Sunday, I was still feeling somewhat the same. A little bit better, but still wondering "why me" and thinking how much this sucked. Sunday afternoon my best friend walked into my apt with tears down her face, and told me that our friend had gotten into a car accident. He is alive (thank God) but the worst case scenario is that he may be paralyzed. I cannot even begin to describe how much my eyes have opened since hearing that news. I started realizing that my biggest problem is an idiot (for the moment at least) who does not know what he wants...and my friends biggest problem is trying to regain feeling in his legs. Now, I know everyone here will be sad...will cry, will be upset, and will miss their ex like CRAZY. But ladies and gentlemen, it could honestly be SO MUCH WORSE. Thank God (or whomever/whatever you believe in) that you have your health, a roof over your head, and food in your belly. I am not here to tell you to get over it. It's hard as hell and I'm STILL trying to get over it. But I can honestly say that since hearing that news, I have stopped stressing out about it so much because honestly...yes it sucks, yes I love him...he was amazing. But I have so much going for me right now...I'm healthy, it's my last year of college...my life is just beginning...unfortunately I was so caught up in my own sadness that I seemed to forget how beautiful I am...and how beautiful a life I live. I hope this made someone feel better in some way.

A month ago, my absolutely amazing boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me...yea we had our ups and downs but everything was pretty much great. I've been doing a lot of thinking since the breakup, and have come to the realization that I'm not over the guy I dated BEFORE my ex, or at least, not the way I thought I was over him. Yeah, I can honestly say I do not want to be with him anymore, and I have no interest in seeing him or talking to him. But I came to the re-realization (because I had noticed this before) that I am "traumatized" by him and our relationship. I was never cheated on, or hit, but was verbally abused quite a bit. And while my current ex (lets call him ex#1) NEVER verbally abused me, I started to notice that if he did or said anything that remotely resembled anything that ex#2 had ever done or said, I would emotionally shut down. It's like something in me would trigger, and I would remember the time that ex#2 did it...and then I would go through the sequence of events that followed, and I would get scared. I wouldn't get mad or yell, but I would instantly start building my wall again so that ex#1 couldn't "get to me"...my way of thinking..."if this other person who I loved more than anything could do all those horrible things to me, imagine what you can do." And I absolutely refused to let someone hurt me like that again...unfortunately, I think my way of thinking backfired on me quite a bit. Now, I am not sitting here saying that I am to blame for my recent breakup. His reasons for the breakup are that we were in a rough spot that had been lasting almost a month, mostly due to the fact that he was so stressed out and he got to the point where he kind of just quit wanting to try...he felt no desire to put any more effort into us. But let's face it. If I won't allow someone to love me, or for me to let myself love someone again, how will I ever be able to get the type of relationship I want, and most of all, deserve?? So my question...how do I get over it? How do I get over the fear of being hurt, and the horrible memories. How does one learn to not fall back on the memories... Ex#1 is someone that I could honestly be with for a long time, and he knows that too...and while I'm not a 100% sure that we will get back together, the possibility is obviously there, once he figures out his issues. But I don't want him to come back to me and I'm still facing my own problems...I know there's no textbook answer to how to get over abuse, but I honestly don't even know where to start. Any advice would be great.

In case you haven't read my story, this is it: link removed This past sunday, when we both got back to school (we both went back to our respective homes for a break) he called out the blue and said he was coming over. He then shows up at my house with a card and a box, containing earrings. He then asked for a hug and apologized a hundred times that he was so sorry he couldn't contact me for my bday and that he didnt forget, but that he felt horrible. We talked for a few more min and I found out that he had come STRAIGHT from the airport to my house to give this stuff to me. Lately he's been ramdonly IMin me to ask me how my day was, how are classes going, how is work, and the other day he asked if he could walk with me to campus. I agreed and we walked, I tried to act "normal" (basically, not lookin like i was about to cry, but also not lookin like i was ecstatic to be with him) and he noticed many tiny details, that I cut my hair, dyed it, got my nails done, etc. What is going on with this guy?? It's been a little more than 3 weeks since the breakup. I'm confused but needless to say, still love him and hope he comes back to me with his head straight and whatever issues he was having cleared. Any ideas/advice?

Roxy, I am in the same boat as you. My ex and I had barely any contact for almost 3 weeks, then suddenly, he shows up out of nowhere. On Sunday he came over to bring me a belated birthday present (card and earrings, to match the chain he gave me for xmas...his words, not mine...needless to say i was very taken aback...did i mention he came straight from the airport to my house to deliver this to me), IMed me a couple times yesterday and today to find out how my day was, how are classes going, how is work, blah blah, and asked if we could walk somewhere together today (we were both going to the same general area.) we did walk and it was somewhat ackward (how could it not be) but I did noticed that he noticed a ton of things about me, i.e. i had gotten a haircut, dyed my hair, my nails were done... Needless to say I am VERY confused, as you are. I have no idea if he's realizing the extent of what he did or leading me on, but I guess we will see what happens. I wish you luck with your guy and that things work out for the best...let me know what happens.

If you read my original post, you'll see everything that happened between my ex and I...now, my birthday was this past saturday and he either completely forgot, or remembered and just disregarded it. I guess I would prefer the former to the latter since its SLIGHTLY less messed up but still...what's going on now?

Well right now I DO want to be with him, but I don't want to pressure him into being with me, if he's not ready. Things were really hectic this summer, he had a lot of problems with school, mostly financially, and things started getting bad towards the middle of the semester. We were having a lot of arguments and they mostly based around the fact that we were barely spending time together. I think he got to a point where it didn't make sense in trying to see me, because it was so hard to and the times we were spending together unfortunately, weren't the greatest. I'm not going to blame everything on myself, but I do know that at times I didn't help matters by complaining, he was stressed out already as is. I know most people right now would say to do the NC thing, but that takes so much time and energy (I think) and sometimes just seems like a game to me. I've actually been able to handle my emotions really well because like I told him when we broke up, I wanted to walk away ok with it...not happy about it, but accepting it and not crying or begging him to come back to me. So that's it I guess...everyone says that he does want to be with me, it's just him being confused and things getting too difficult so he ran. I guess I will just try to remain friendly (but not too friendly) with him, and hopefully his head will clear up. My next question then is, how long could something like this take (assuming it'll happen at all.)

Quick version of my story: My ex and I broke up almost two weeks ago because he "doesn't have emotions for me anymore." (we were together almost a year) I managed to take it quite well and didn't even throw a fit. He is absolutely horrible at understanding his own emotions, and we were just coming out of a summer semester at school, where we barely got to spend any time together because we were both so busy with classes and work. I think it got too difficult and he ran...he says no, but keeps saying "look how hard it was summer, imagine when we come back in the fall, it will be even harder." To that I told him I think he was tired of trying which is a dumb reason to leave someone, but that I respect his decision. Now the little weird things he's doing: Later on that day he came over for a minute and brought back some stuff I had in his house. We then actually talked for a few min that night, and I asked if we could just chat for a while b/c it felt like we haven't talked in forever since we were both so busy (this was on IM) He said "why dont I just come over" to which I said no. He then said to call him later, which I did. He then proceeds on tellin me that he will be over in 20min so we can talk and I said why and he said "because you wanted to talk!" and I said, well I just wanted to chat about general things and he said oh...well I guess we can do that tomorrow then. I said guess so. End of convo. Fast forward a few days, to the day where I left for home for a 2 week vacation. He IM's me to tell me that he wants to come over to drop over something I had left in his house (deodorant.) I said "no its ok, its not like I don't have anymore" and he said ok. He then called a few hrs later to ask if I had left yet and when I said yes he said "you did! I was going to come over...I guess now I have to wait another day to return this to you." I said guess so...end of convo. He then called me later that night to find out if I got home ok. Spoke about 10min and then hung up. A few days later, I emailed him to find out if HE got home ok (he flew) and he responded. Nothing serious, but he ended the email with my petname for him. So I guess the confusing things are: 1] Why would he rush over to my house if he thought I wanted to "talk" about us, since HE left ME? When I breakup with someone, I don't want to hear them trying to "fix" anything. 2] Why would you contact me the day I'm leaving to bring over something that I don't NEED, and then be disappointed that I left already? 3] And why oh why, end an email with a petname?!? If you made it this far, thanks for reading and any insight to the male mind would be helpful.

Hello, I was just wondering what is the best way to lose that fear of getting hurt again, and open up to someone new? I have been with someone for 9 months now and they are amazing and make me truly happy. The problem we are going through now? He feels like he is giving me his all and I am not. Unfortunately, I am haunted by a past relationship that the thought of loving someone again scares the crap out of me. It's kind of as if I put my emotions on hold and stopped thinking about them, because the thought of letting someone have me like that again is nervewracking. We are going through problems now because of this, but I am willing to change this, since I don't want to go the rest of my life with a fear of giving my heart to someone again. Any ideas on how one can start doing this? Any help appreciated... Thanks.