minimini
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Posts
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Joined
minimini's Achievements
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It's been a long time since I posted. I did NC for a while, posted to this board every day. Then I let go of the NC Challenge when I became Facebook friends with him again. I'm happy to say that I'm doing so much better now!! Amazing actually! I think re-friending each other helped us both to find a common understanding. After re-friending, we exchanged a few messages back and forth and then about a month back I got a message from him saying that he is going into a rehab facility for psychological and alcohol treatment. He hasn't been on Facebook nor have we had any kind of contact within the last month.... that is the first TRUE NC we've had since a year ago when we first re-connected (after jr. high). I hope the treatment does him good. I hardly think about him, nor does he cross my mind with every thought as he used to. For now, I know that I am over the relationship we had. I certainly don't want to go back to how that felt.... I won't let it happen. For sure.
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I want so badly to send him a message wishing him a Happy New Year. HE is my cyber/ emotional affair and I want to leave him where he is... in the past and NC. At the same time, I also want to tell him that I am always thinking of him. I know I shouldn't and I know it would probably drive me crazy in hindsight. But my real life isn't so hot right now, and I keep finding myself reverting back. We met in January (after 20 years), fell HARD for each other, and ended everything... all in 2011. Just keep feeling like I want to write to him and end the year right........... once and for all.................. MUST. STOP. THINKING. THIS. WAY.
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Don't have a lot to offer. I'm sorry. As if things weren't bad enough, I know it really makes it worse to think that this person who is supposed to have cared about you, seems to not care at all. Anyway, you said you needed a hug... so *hug*. Hope things get better soon.
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I know you feel like you don't want to be the mean on that didn't send a wish on his birthday.... but if you do, you will just be angry if you don't hear anything back. The anticipation of whether he will write or not will get to you to. Don't do it if you can help it. ;-) And, of course, it's better that he sends something first. Good luck. Hang in there.
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So, I was doing NC for a while and then he sent me a friend request on f/b and I ended NC just to the extent that I can now see his f/b page. Still didn't write back to his last f/b message which was on Dec. 1 and didn't like or comment on any of his pics or statuses. So, technically, NC, but not really according to the terms of this challenge. Anyway, I broke even my own personal NC rules yesterday by liking some lame status of his. I was having a good day I guess, and let it slip. I'm annoyed with myself. As far as my personal version of NC, I was on like day 22. Blah!! Without access to his f/b page, I was becoming a stalker. Not at all now. That's all, for what it's worth. I'm a bit dissappointed in myself. I made up my own rules and still didn't stick to them.
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Oh gosh!!! I'm so sorry!!! Hang in there. No contact is certainly the way to go, but go easy on yourself. I know this holiday will be though for you. Remember we're here for you.
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Haha!! No one, and I mean NO ONE I ever talk to has ever heard of him. I used to see him in club called Largo in L.A. Used to go like every other Friday night. Ah, those were the days! Now that I think about it, I saw him the night before 9/11 when he ended his show early because he was flying to New York to be on David Letterman the next day. Needless to say, he never made it... It would have been a big break for him. I also have a signed t-shirt in a size I might have been able to fit into when I was 13. ;-) He is SO poetic and talented and funny!!!! I'm so happy to have met a fellow fan. If you haven't already, listen to Indian Lover.... It's brilliant!!!
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Hi. I'm back. Quick background.... He is the emotional affair I had. We are both married. Realized our wrong-doing and ended everything. I thought I could handle a casual f/b friendship 4 months later... no real contact, just access to each other's profiles. He had still been writing messages to me off and on about how much he loves me, blah, blah. Then, about a week ago came the friend request along with a similar message. I had ended the NC Challenge when I accepted the request. Yesterday, his wife put a on his wall, and he responded with an "I love you!!!!". This just a week after he just professed his love for me!!! OMG, it broke my heart. Not because he said it to her, but because I feel like nothing he ever said to me was true. I should have stuck with the challenge. I'd be on like Day 15 by now.
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So, I wrote last week about how I ave up NC when he sent me a friend request and message on Facebook. I accepted the request and deleted the message. Since that day, he has been totally inactive on Facebook. Is that why he friended me?? Because he was going to get off Facebook anyway?? I hate having to wonder all the time. When we weren't Facebook friends, I wondered all the time what he was up to. No we ARE friends, and I'm still wondering. I hate it.
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It really is like an addiction! At a certain point, whether to contact the person or not become like deciding whether to take a hit or puff or something similar. Hang in there and give it time. You couldn't possibly be expected to get over an addiction so fast and so easily... how can you expect to let go of this so fast??
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Not doing NC anymore and of Thursday. Still trying to figure out why I felt nothing after I re-friended him on Facebook. I'll admit I've been stalking his profile over the past few days, but more than anything else, like sadness, pain, hurt, and any other feelings of that type, I just feel annoyed. Annoyed with him, his wife, his life. Irritated and angry a little bit. I feel emotionally closed off right now.... generally speaking. Is it a defense mechanism? Am I going to lose it all of a sudden at some point??? I hope not.
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Okay... I'm out! Maybe I wasn't ready... or maybe I don't need it anymore. I don't know. On Day 5, I failed by checking his myspace page. The next day, coincidentally, he sent me a friend request and a "you are my everything" message on Facebook. I accepted the request.... yes. I spent the next few hours checking what he had been up to since we de-friended (3 months ago). There were "lovey dovey" messages between his wife and he and a lot of other things that should have bothered me... at least hurt a little... and for some reason, they didn't. It was SURREAL!! Maybe I'm just finally far enough removed from the emotional affair that I'm actually disgusted by how he can say the things he says to his wife and then the things he says to me, in practically the same breathe! Really, I don't believe a word he's said over the past year any more. I think I've finally reached the, "What the hell was I thinking??" moment! Maybe all I needed was to be a witness to his life again... so I'm not left wondering. I really don't know. I just know that I saw his pictures, his page, his everything... and I didn't even feel in love with him, or hurt, or sad, or happy, or ANYTHING. Maybe I'm just blocking all the feelings.... but here, 24 hours after, I feel the same. Just fine. It's a lot of maybes, I know. So, I may be back here (though I hope I don't need to). I hope I can still count on your support if I come back. I'll still be here for you all. For now... I'm signing off of the challenge.
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Hey Scuza and Jeepman41, Thanks for looking out!! I know, I know. NC means NC! I know I'm supposed to look on social networking sites. I've de-friended him from FB and I'm not even on myspace. I'm just able to access his myspace because it's public. What I could block, I have.... there's nothing left. I just have to keep myself from searching. I'm in a decent mood today. I was just making light of the fact that I totally FAILED. I know I'm back to Day 1. Bleh!
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Day 5 Fail.... I couldn't resist... I checked his myspace. Only for a brief moment, but I did. There was just a lame picture of him. Wasn't even worth the cheat. I'm proud of myself for not completely losing it and spending the next hour stalking, which is what I would have normally done. Can I still just say I'm on Day 5? No, never mind... That would be wrong and only cheating myself. ;-) So... Day 1 again. Day FIVE of not stalking. There... I think that's good.