I m not sure what to do.....im so sick of crying everyday of my life…. ive talked to people..... professional people, but I know they are just reading the words to me.they have never been in my shoes …I need help…im hurting so much …always pain…always ….It wont go away no matter what I do. …This is the situation. I met someone one line and I feel in love with her so much… I didn't even know what she looked like… all I had was her emails. Her words …her mind. …And I feel in love with them…when I saw her for the first time…she was just as beautiful on the outside as the inside…. the angel I had prayed for…vie never met anyone who was just what I had been looking for…we both have never had sex and with our morals wanted to wait until married… didn't smoke or drink…both romantic. We had so much in common…but I blew it.it was my first relationship and I had moved away from my home to hers…. everything in my life changed but the colors of my eyes…my job, my apartment, my money changed.everything change and I could not focus on the relationship. Everyone says it was no ones fault but I know the truth. It was completely my fault …its been a year now sense we broke up.but I cant seem to move one…I find myself doing things now if only I had done when we where together…im going to medicals school, vie been getting All buff. I have braces now…. what's happing is im growing and as I grow my love for her grows…. I love her so much …vie tried dating other people. …Threes always something about the other people i have date recently I don't like…. but with her I could actually look into her eyes and truly say there is nothing about you I don't like. I9 know people always say" I think about you all of the time" but I really do… even today I was at work and I got so sad. I don't just think about the time we had together but an also think about the future…the future with out her and I cry. I was at work today and I had to run to the bathroom.and there I sat on the bathroom floor crying for 20 minutes ….at night i will l rest my head at 11 but I find myself laying awake until 2 in the morning thinking about her. Than at 6 in the morning I awake and think about the dreams I just dreamed (which she is always in) and I curl in a little ball and cry ….o don't know what to do…. im in to much love with her …and im always worring about her …I wish I could be in her life…. I love her for everything that she is but I also love her for the way she makes me feel for she the only one that when im with. I love myself…. please help.because I miss her…im not even going to see her for Christmas but I have already got her a gift that was $1000…. People don't understand how much of a part of me she is…. what she feels I feel.when she cries. I cry …sometimes-ill get these burst of sadness …I now she's sad and ill call her and sure enough she sad…. I didn't want any more pain please help.
