tristesse

Thank you all for your kind words of support.I'm seeing him in 3 days, I'm confident, look great and tan ;-) and look forward to make him go insane after seeing me..lol I have changed so much grown so much and learned so much from this expereince, I'm now following my dream and I'm happy and I won't have to try hard to show him that bec i'm glowing and he will see it. Thank you all I will update you after the big day. I'm sure I will be surprised and asked myself why I loved him for that long and my heart is 100% guarded;-) Love

Thank youuuuuuuuuu - OMG i'm so scared!

thank you all - but I have talked to him already he knows I'm no longer depress and I am the one telling him to keep it together... funny enough.. he's very excited that I'm going he wants to show me the whole city but i'm planning to see him once only - Closure time! Ray.. I think I'll be calm, maybe I'll get emotional but god this is the guy I loved to death and it's justs ooooooo weird! I'm not sure but a part of me wants to leave him breathless... it makes sense right??? and also I'm scared to fall for him all over again.. i won't right!!?! I justhope I won't but I need to see himbec otherwise I will always wonder" what if..." - so I thinkit's for the best but gosh I'm terrified - 15 months is a long time... this is the guy I spent 24h a day w for 4 years and now I haven't seen him fr soo long.. I'm sorry I'm just blabing but I'm so nervous!!!!! what can I do, say act... to make him go crazy...lol?? lol so many things in my head.. I'm going insane..lol

Hello all.... For all of you who have been following my story, 15 months have passed by and I have not yet seen my ex. I actuly never seen him as not being my b'f bec I never saw him and he left to states and called me to end a 4 years relationship bec of religions reason and end up choosing the family over me.. and refused to come back to Canada to face be saying that if he sees me he wouldn't be bale to leave me - anyway few months ago we started to talk a bit.. he's depress and not over me and still and I know he truly loves me. It happened that for a friend's wedding I 'll have to go there this summer and I'm planning to see him… I'm very stressed, nervous, anxious………. Any advices?????

hi, U are right I should not wnat to hurt me.. since I still love him so much. I will always .. after being w someone for 4 years how can u hate them after all??!??!?! whats hould I reply? I don't wnat him back.. but i shoudl forgive! pls help when should I REPLY? he wrote on Friday - when should i send a reply?

Hello Hello every body, From those of you who remember me… I have a news: My ex finally wrote to me! 9 months after the sudden break up. Here's what he wrote: I'm sorry! I'm thinking about you! I never wanted to hurt you… I constantly wonder how you are doing…. I just wanted to say hi…. I think about you… I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I put you trough so much pain.. I'm sorry ..I'm thinking about you….. I think about you all the time.. anyway just wanted to see how you and you family were doing.. I'm sorry… Thinking about you Very short yes I can see that too…. But I still want him to regret and get my revenge- what should I di? Should I write back? If yes what to say? I still love him but want him to feel the pain I went through…. Pls advice me! Munca are u here!!??!?!?!?

Munca as always mon amie you are right! You know I feel strong but sometimes a lose it all you know not in a drastic way but what I mean is that I feel the pain and miss him and want to just hug him tight. And then make myself believe that we were meant to be and that he would come back. But I know I should drive these thoughts away, I should stop them right away. I have to be stronger I know. And you always remind me of this. THANK YOU. It's hard, it's true but so much better than 2 weeks ago or 2 months ago or 4 months ago. and it would get easier. I am strong I stay awa, I keep away for things that remind me of him, haven't looked at a picture or anything... I know it sounds silly...lol But Yes I will be stronger and stronger and stronger and I will concentrate more on me...me...me....me. I do thinkof me but I do tend to stop fr a moment and think of him ,,,lol u know what I mean... Oh this is a real therapy! Sorry! Thank you all.... WE CAN ALL BE STRONGER.... LOVE

Munca, You think he knows that? I know it wouldn't matter but do u think he will on eday come and ask me to take him back? He knows what he lost, but doesn't want it enough u think? I am not sure! U know sometimes I wonder if I would be srtong enough to say no to him if he did ask me to! his letter gave me a feeling of confort - but yet I don't know if he truly regret leaving me or the way he left me! I mean do u think he regrets the way he ended it or the fact that he ended it? love

kungfumaster I am so touched by your kind words. My friend you can do it. LIfe is full of surprises and Fear is a fake evidence appearing real. You can do it my friend. Lots of love

DragonGirl724 Stay strong... I know how u feel, my ex proposed to me a month before the break up!!!! There's not much u can do, but to heal urself, the energy u invested on him should now be invested on you. You will get over this bec u are truly a strong girl and one day, if not him, a better MAN will make u his bride. Love

DragonGirl724 I know how you feel, but as you said they are cowards. It's true they don't know who they are, But in my case, there will be no comingback to anything, because he is sure about his feelings towards me, it's a religion and family issue that time will not change. Try to move on, I know the anger most likely is holding you back, because you wantto know he's hurt. Take comfort in knowing that yo are stronger than him and that he knows it. I know it's a lot easier than said, but I think your ex cousldn't meet your expectations and he knew it. You deserve someone better, someone at your level who knows who they are. Next time you will love, you will love like a true complete women, and will love a true complete man. Lots of love to you stay strong and PM any time too

Michael, Thank you for ur kind words. You are right, I might feel the joy once again, maybe with stronger man…oh no sorry I meant maybe with a MAN…and not a kid this time. I did close it. I kept his good-bye letter and I will keep it forever. I think there's no need to reply or do anything.. Now I'm going to lean on time, because one thing I learned going through so much pain and sorrow ids that TIME IS THE ANSWER TO ALL You're great. Lots of love

Wow, Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate every single one of them so much. RayKay: Thank you, you have been a great help, you walked me trough this and I am forever thankful to you. It's true, I didn't get an answer as to why he took this road, but at least I know it's hard for him a as well. Also I am really glad that he has that great image of me, that shows me that I did reflect the best of me and I have no regrets. I truly hope that from now on it will not be easier for him, I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want him to forget me, I still think that he needs to pay the consequences of his actions. I still miss him of course, I think a part of me will always miss him and love him, but in a very different way now. I have not done anything, and I don't know if he did made the best decision for him, but now there's no point of thinking about it. I am closing the chapter, but I am keeping a little hope. Not a hope that will keep me from moving. But I am letting him free now, and letting myself free….I think if we are truly meant to be, and he is meant to be mine, then he would come back to me one day, and nothing would stop it from happening if we are meant to be. But that doesn't mean that I will hang on to that thought, no I will explore, and who knows maybe I'll find someone else, who I would love more and who would love me just as much.. but my destiny doesn't lie in my hand. Caveat: You are absolutely right, a big part of me is very disappointed, because he did made me believe that he will stand up to all these and that he wanted to show the world that we were not animals: dogs w dogs, cats w cats….. Thank you fors sharing your dad's experience with me, your dad is a TRUE MAN he STOOD HIS GROUND AGAINST TRADITION, RELIGION, FAMILY AND CHOSE LOVE OVER ALL ELSE. I admire him for his strength. My ex wasn't strong like your dad, he was and is very weak.. one thing that I underlined in my letter and he confirmed in his. I do want a strong man who will stand up for me and his beliefs. It's all hard, but it's getting easier each day. Now I just miss him, a feeling that is normal to feel I guess after spending 4 years with a person. I am also sad because a part of me knows that we could have been maybe happy if there was no religion! But life is not easy and we can't get it all I guess. I am also sad, because I know we both love each other and his decision doesn't really match mine…lol But what can I do, nothing else but to close it. I have the beautiful sad good bye that I wanted… now it's time to let go. I have tears in my eyes, they never go away, but I keep hoping that one day, I will once again feel the joy that I once felt in his arms. Love to all of you

please comment

Hello every body, Following the letter I sent to my ex,(in French) he contacted me( letter in French as well), didn't give me any explanations. I have decided to summarize the letters and simply translate them so you can all give me some inputs. Thank you to all of you for reading it My letter basically said Dear J We have laughs and cried and much of my emotions remained unsaid as and I never had the chance to share them with you, and I finally decided to write them to you in this letter which was very hard for me to compose and I thank you for agreeing to read it. I always knew that you were in a difficult situation between me and your family and despite all your empty promises, I understand incontestably that you dealt with a very important decision each person has one day or another make fundamental choices, choices for life. But I hoped that instead of promising the world and to declare your extreme land burning love for me to my family, that you would have been honest with them and me! A dishonest man creates a hell for other people, and that is what I reproach you! I regret that you didn't includes me in your decision, I am sorry that you did not speak to me a little more about the circumstances and reasons behind this choice so that I can understand how you could make de me wrong while disappearing when I needed you the most and to neglect us all, right before the wedding, without a goodbye, without a word! You became suddenly the victim of black thoughts and ran to hide in the deepest of your cave. I wanted to hear say that you were worried and that you did care and that it was hard for you too. But your regrettable and heavy silence made it possible to decipher your detachment towards us. made it possible to accept that you did not have any regrets and that you had not felt the disappointment that I felt. I know that surely you were ready for the rupture and you had emotionally detached yourself from me in advance, and you surely decided to make it when you knew that you were going to easily assume the consequences of our separation. I know that you even began a new love relation, or can be that it was the reason of your departure... I know that you rebuilt a new life and that you no longer think of your past I felt the lapse of memory in you and that tore me completely. It is true that for me it was much more difficult, I felt your absense . I had to relearn to smile, to enjoy and to love without you. I laughed so much with tears in the eyes and gradually, I saw the indifference settling in me. The sorrow is not as present and vivid but the scars left will never disappear entirely. I would have wanted to be able to erase all the sorrow and betrayal and to keep only the good times. But too long = in my life, I tended to standardize the weight of any kinds of betrayals, to turn it into a simple momentary thing possible to forget but I can't do this and, and unfortunately I cannot erase it all. What I cherished more about you, was your sincerity, honesty and your golden heart and I realize that they are non-existent in the man who you are today or in the image that you offered to us. Because henceforth I do not have this image idealistic and pleasant that you reflected me. You have left us with the image of a self-cantered and selfish person which I had never known before and it is with a great regret and much of sorrow that I admit that the man whom I loved so much is not at all who I had believed that he was. I suppose that I had never considered you so weak or I did not want not accepte your weakness or I believed you being too sincere. But I know that the image that I had of you is far from reality. Today I accept this break up with confidence because I know now that they are not only our values and beliefs which separate us. Thus I write to you today because I close this chapter of my past and I begin my new life with a sigh of relief. And I will keep in my memories the beautiful pages of this chapter which we wrote together during the 4 years without any regrets. And all the time passed with you, our holidays, our joys, our laughter, our tears will be engraved in my heart for always. I will remember this magic love I felt with you and I also thank you for the friendship that you gave me, even if it was momentary, it gave me the possibility to learn so much. I am sorry that we never had a beautiful goodbye. I hoped that if you loves me at least a little, you would have come to tell me good-bye, but you never did and I suppose that for you it is better like that. But me, today, via this letter, I say good bye to you and I close this important and special chapter of my life without caring it in my future. And thus, J I tell you good-bye and who knows, maybe we will find each other soon in another life. I wish you to lead an honest life His letter Thank you for your letter, I read it and read it many times. I know it wasn't easy for u to write it and took a lot of courage and thoughts. You are a lot more courageous than me, because I am still scared to talk or to write to u, but I wanted you to know that I have received your letter and I accept everything you said,' You are right, I have not always been honest with you and your family, because I wasn't honest with myself, and that's something I regret from the bottom of my heart. You are right when u say, a dishonest man creates a hell for others and that's exactly what I did to people that I love so much. I am weak, but I never wanted to hurt you like this, I wanted to be strong and be honest with you and to tell you everything, I tried but I wasn't strong enough. I am sorry. Sorry for all the empty promises even thus they were not empty when I made them. I am not going to try to lie and to defend myself because you are right, You know me better than I know myself. But you must know that every time I told you I love you I meant it. That you have done nothing to push me away and that I didn't pretend to love you. It's very important for me that you know this, because you are such an important person. You must know that anybody who has the honore to know you or to get the smallest piece of your love is the luckiest person in this world. I regret many things in my life, many decisions and many thing that I said, but I will NEVER forget the 4 years I spend with you. There not even a day that I regret not even our fights. When I think of you , I always have a smile, and a few tears bec you have taught me t o love, the friendship and joy and above all you loved me for who I was, even thus at the end both you and I didn't know who I was or who I am. I look at our pictures and laugh, smile and cry… I miss it all…I miss you. My head hurts and my heart beats fast all the time, every time I think of the way I left things it kills me. But I know there's nothing I can do or say to change the past. I 'm not asking you to forgive me but please know that you and your family, god how do I say it, there are no words no describe it. You guys are amazing, I didn't deserve to have people like you in my life, and I'm sorry that I wasted your love and time, but I never took advantage of you or your family, and I never forgot what you all did for me. To be honest with you, there are still many thing s I'd like to tell you and do, but it's still too early for me, and I ma still a lost kid. I don't know what I would do if I hear your voice on the phone! I never wanted to neglect you or ur family, I thought about your sister's wedding a lot, and again I was ashamed, broken promises once again. But I never wanted to hurt you the way I did on purpose. I think of you every day, if you can believe it, I don't know if it's the guilt or the love I have and will always have, but I think of you every day and I ask myself so many questions…… I am such selfish person.. I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know many things. Yes maybe we will find each other in a another life, maybe I'll be stronger and less selfish. You deserve the best from everyone and everything. You are the strongest person I have ever met. I am sorry for everything….. please help