Jump to content

manu85

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    236
  • Joined

manu85's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

4

Reputation

  1. Gosh, how I love you. I will always love you. I don't care how many men you've been with and allowed to make love to you. I know and feel deep inside you're not happy and still searching for your luck. You may have met some you like. Some that made your heart skip a beat, make you feel all warm inside. But you keep searching, searching, searching. How I know that it's so dangerous to presume it might be me. It will most likely be another guy. He'll be good, and honest, and handsome, and charming, and smart, and sweet, I'm sure. But if you choose him over me I'll still love you. How I long for a moment to just tell you everything's going to be all right. How I want to tell you I'll be there for you and stay, even though you'll freak out. How I would like to offer you to hold you, if you want me to. If not, that's okay. I just want to touch you and console you for being so unhappy inside, make you feel safe and relaxed. I know eventually you'd come back to me if only I would hold on. I so love you. It's going to be okay. I will meet women smarter, and more beautiful, and more interesting than you. But I doubt I will ever love one as much as I love you. (God, I need to smash myself for holding on to the exact thoughts that are holding me back, I guess sometimes I'm an unforgivable romantic soul). Hmm.
  2. Why did you ruin my life so much? Why did you take all my social network away? Why did you steal my friends? Why can't I defend myself against this? Why does everyone choose your side? Why don't you just leave me alone? Why don't people ever feel sorry for me for losing my friends but instead feel annoyed with me for not wanting to be friends with you, while it is in fact YOU who is creating these socially awkward situations and not me? Why are you so twisted, full of games, dishonest, manipulative, controling and without any consideration for my feelings? I have had enough... Why am I so alone... Why aren't there any people for me... Why do I feel like nobody supports me... And why, most importantly, do I still feel like a heartless person when I refuse your friend request, when I don't wish you a happy b-day and when I'm already planning not to respond to the birthday wish you're probably not going to send me anyway in 2 weeks. I've never felt so alone... I feel so, so, so, so alone...
  3. I wish I would have expressed my anger towards you. How you make me feel like no one wants me now. How you make me feel as if bisexual boys are no good for anyone. How you make me feel like there's no future for people like me. How you said I'm too complex for a girl. Which girl will ever accept me for who I am? I know a big part of that is in my own power. I need to make choices. I'm a good guy. I'm smart. I'm creative. I'm sweet. I'm social. I'm handsome. I just need to believe it. I need to build my self-esteem for the next girl. I know that secretly, I was one of your biggest, if not your biggest love up to now. That might have already changed. Maybe you just fel in love with a super boy. You don't let time pass. I'd be happy for you. Why do I feel so empty. Why do I still feel a big gap inside of me each and every day? I need to find other people to trust and to talk to. Why do I still feel so confused? I still don't know where I want my life to go. I still don't know what to choose. I will be happy once I make choices. Maybe I should just follow the inner me and do what I've always wanted to do. I need to get this degree first and then do what I want. Why does life seem so hard and sad? Why do I have the feeling that, whatever I'll choose and whomever I'd meet in the (near) future, I'll always live a lonely life and I'll always be alone with my feelings, sadness and frustrations? I need to fight against this. I have wrong ideas, I make wrong assumptions. People do love me. One day a girl will wholeheartedly accept me for who I am, forgive my mistakes and we will live happily ever after... Oh God, I can't even try to believe my own BS. But I need to. I need to think positive. Do what I love. Appreciate the many positives that are in my life. Find a new, sensitive girl for me, who understands me better than you did. Who does know where my need for artistry comes from. Who does know that I need that to be happy. Who understands me better than you did. Who is more relaxed. And still, I love you so much. Even if you'll be with another man. I'll love you and will always care for you. But not as a lover, just as a person. And why do I still, after all this time, feel so lost? Feel like nobody really loves me? I know that I need to make choices about my future. But I have so much fear. Fear of the future. Fear of relationships. I can't seem to become my worriless self anymore, like the person I used to be. You still make me feel like time has ended. I feel depressed. I feel I have nothing to look forward to and I feel like I have to crawl through each day, doing something I don't like. Yet I'm afraid to choose for the thing I do love, because it will make me no money and that will result even worse for my relationship chances. Do I even want a relationship? Do I even want kids? I just want somebody close. But I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid that little fearless, dreamy, happy boy inside of me has died. Or hasn't he? How can I wake him up?
  4. I hate that you are trying to rob my friends from me. You know I hate it and that's exactly why you do it. You're so social and you can have any friends you want. Sometimes I wonder why you tried to convince me to have sex with me. Why you didn' t listen when I told you you are way more conservative than me. All in the beginning. You didn't want to hear it. It's so weird to realize afterwards that I was right, that you couldn't handle experimental me. Go and grab your chances of having the life you want. You have many more chances than I do. You are a pretty, sassy, fun, smart girl. You can have any man you want. So why don't you go and grab'm and leave me alone? I wonder if you are having it just as easy to get over me as with your ex-bf you dumped to get with me. I know that I won't like the man you'll end up with, who will certainly be a responsible, smart, handsome, funny guy. And in a way I do hope that's what the future holds for you, and I do think you deserve that happiness, which you will undoubtedly get. But I am secretly afraid for that boy. I hope you will love him. No man can ever be sure that you truly love him. I sometimes wonder what was true of what you told me. Was I really your true love? Then why did you behave the way you did, trying to damage me and hurt me the way you did... I don't want to be friends with you, I don't ever want to be with you again. I don't hate you, although I do hate you when you invite all my friends without me, when you rob me of good nights out, when you make me look like a loner, a socially awkward nerd, when you control my social life, which in my opinion you have no right to. But I do know that, one day, you will look into the mirror and realize you were wrong for doing this, and will feel like a bad person. I secretly hope you do, but on the other hand, I don't really care how you will feel. Actually, I would secretly want to whisper in your ear that you're just a little (or very) crazy, but that you're not bad. I'd like to console you and help you move on. Get yourself the man you want, be happy, and let me live my life. In the end, none of this all will matter. We will both have moved on, and think back on this great intense but awkwardly weird relation we had. None of us two will ever experience something alike. Good luck. I wish you well.
×
×
  • Create New...