Dat

I wish you had the balls to tell me the real reason you wanted to leave. The time we spent together now seems like a big effing lie. I can't believe I put so much effort and energy into making long distance work, to get my heart broken into so many pieces. I should have acknowledged the time when you said, you felt we didn't relate and at times you wanted to break up. That all started in Feb. when I noticed you and your ex-ex started contacting each other more frequently. It's so funny, because that was the time, when he had just gotten out of a relationship. I really don't know what's going on now, as I really have no clue, but an inkling in me says that you guys are back to talking on a regular basis. I can't believe the hell you've put me through whilst easing me out of your life. I will never ever forgive you for this pain. I feel so betrayed, by someone I truly put my all in to making what I thought in my eyes, the last relationship, I was going to be in. It really hurts to know that I didn't meet your "high expectations" whatever that may be, since you never let me in to your world. It sickens me to the death that I put so much trust in you in turn get no respect in knowing the truth of why you left me out to dry because of your "demons and doubts." Like what the hell is that supposed to mean? So eff you, and I really hope the next guy treats you better than how I treated you.

get out of my head! can't believe you would throw away what we had. i invested so much time and energy in making us work despite the distance. you're not worth it to me anymore. i hate this feeling. i hate the thoughts of you popping into my head when i'm trying to concentrate on other things like WORK! i wish i had never met you. the pain you bring me on a daily basis is because i fell so hard for you. i told you in the beginning that i have my walls up and very skeptical about letting people in. you assured me it was ok. i put down my wall and let you in. only for you to destroy what i've built up to get to where i was when we met. i need to move on from this. i will move on from this. what the hell is wrong with me to keep on holding on to whatever it is that is making me feel the way i'm feeling? i'm confused, anxious, sad, and emotional these days. leave my thoughts alone!

I want to talk to you! I wish you would send me a text at least saying you still care and at least thinking of me. I hope you're working on yourself so that we can get back on track. I can't wait for the day we are in the same city. I love and miss you so much.

I want to hold you in my arms again. Please call me or text me. I wish you can see how much I am hurting without you.

Today I start NC Day 1. I miss the hell out of her. I know everything that is going on will and be for the better. I've been reading a lot of great advice on here. We will all get through this crap together!!

I'm going to miss you. The only thing I can do now is hope for the happiness we both are trying to seek in life. I wish you luck in your future endeavors. And that maybe one day our paths do cross again. I will budge through all this pain I have inside. The new me is ready to take on the world!!

* * * !! I'm am really struggling today. If you only knew how weak I am you would see me crumble at your knees. I'm trying to be so strong right now. I can't stand that you feel this way and are so freaking stubborn. I shouldn't even feel the the way I am. I just wish I knew how you felt right now so I can be sure this is all for the better. I was doing so well before tonight until all our friends kept asking how you and i were. I keep telling myself to stay strong and I feel like I am for the most part. I just feel so empty right now.