My girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me(October). I've come to terms in the end that it was my fault this happened. I know everyone tells you to not blame yourself, but it really was my fault. For starters I never treated her the way she deserved, I would always go to the bars and never take her out with me. She would tell me that it upst her, but she always let me go and I took her for granted. When we did hang out, it was at my house watching movies. I hardly ever went over her house to see her family and that also upset her. To top it off I would constantly get drunk and start fights with her. The last instance (after many warnings) was the final 2 straws. She walked into a bar that she hangs out at sometimes and I was there bombed. I proceeded to act like an a**h*** and yell at her in front of everyone including her friends. I begged her a couple of days later to forgive me, I would change. I never did and a month later (October) I said a lotof things that I regret, while I was drunk. A week later, we still haven't spoken and I sent flowers and a letter. She emailed me back that this was not the relationship that she wanted and it was over. She emailed me to have closure, otherwise she wasn't going to even contact me.
Mind you I was an idiot and everytime she took me back I took her for granted. But when I was faced with writing that this was it, I was in shock. I never thought it would happen to me. For the first time in my life I could see my short comings. Everything I did wrong, everything I missed out on, both past and present. Now I don't want to call this a revelation, but I finally realized that at 26 I needed to grow up, socially. All those times I was at the bars and she was at home, where did it get me? Hangovers, guilt, fights, DUI's. I now lost the girl I loved, but couldn't see it then. I straightened out my career and school, but not my love life. I never gave her 100 percent, she did. All she wanted was for me to show her love back.
6 weeks later, I haven't had a drink or even gone out. I spend more time with my family and close friends. I'm a new me. Everyone is amazed. The hardest thing to do though, was to give her closure and space. I did it though. I never tried to contact her or see her. I granted her, life again. I recently sent her a letter and a picture frame I made since I new she was getting her shoulder reconstructed. Everything I said was a restatement of what I just wrote. I never became the "ex-boyfriend kind of guy" calling, getting drunk, drive by's etc.
Nonetheless, no reply from the letter/ pic/frame. I honestly expected somekind of reply. She is a great girl with no hate in her heart. She nonmaterialistic and beautiful inside and out. I can't imagine why she wouldn't contact me back?
In my opinion of myself(which I have been very hard on) I think i did the right thing for once. I changed for the better: for myself and for whoever I'm with down the road(I hoped her). I gave her closure and showed that I still love her.
I know that I have to start thinking about getting over her, but it seems impossible. I talk to a million people/friends a day about this. Everyone is supportive but I don't know what to do? If I didn't get a reply then I should move on? She received the package Wednesday and now it's Thursday. I'm not sure what day she's getting operated on?
What I really need to know is... should I stop beating myself up and move on. Or hold on to a hope and a wish?
