holymoseph

I don't know why I still care what your doing. Or who your doing it with. I can make my assumptions and like before, I'll probably be right. God it's a curse to have such strong intuition of things. I knew exactly how it'd play out between us. I tried to leave you because I knew you'd cheat with her. You begged me not to leave you. I couldn't. I couldn't see you hurt. And I didn't want to leave. But deep down I knew you were to weak of person to stay faithful, despite all your promises. It only took ONE time being around her for ONE hour. How sick is that? What's more pathetic is that she said she felt sorry for me and she thought I'd like her if I gave her a chance. What kind of SKANK thinks I'd want to befriend someone who spread their legs to my boyfriend while I was outside the room? No class. Neither one of you. Last time we spent together you said there were thing you hadn't told me. Truth was, I knew most of those "things" already. I don't think your stable. It scares me that your in the military. How desensatized you've become. Scary what your future relationships will look like. Scary to invision what OURs would have looked like if I had stayed and changed my whole life for you following you around everywhere. God I'm thankful to be able to get this out because it makes things seem a little clearer. And maybe resentful is the wrong way to feel. Maybe I should be thankful that you saved me from an even worse future with you. The weekend we brokeup I was considering breakingup with you. All I could think and feel was "I can't do this. I can't get over what he did a week ago and act like it never happened". You wanted me to just get over it. You said you didn't want to be criticized the rest of your life for what you did. But it was only a week. I was understandably angry. You never let me FEEL my emotions. It was weird. Honestly, I don't think we ever really knew eachother. It was a pretty picture we pretended with. But it wasn't real. Reality was sinking in and it was too much, too messy I guess. I want to have good feeling about this. I want to be over you enough to wish you well. But I can't right now. I'm still not over what a coward you are. And I REALLY don't get why you asked me who I was seeing. Why care if you walked away? I think you pretend alot of your life. TO me, to our friends. To yourself. Bury yourself in whatever distractions you can but someday you'll think of me. You'll miss me. I dare you to find someone who was as good to you as I was. And then I'd like to shake her hand for being able to put up with you.

I pity you because I am the best you'll ever do. And that's not just me being cocky. It's the truth. I adored you and seriously, I'm too good looking for you. I meant it when I said you sucked at kissing. Good GOD your tongue was over taking my mouth. I should have known even from something as little as that, that it was doomed to fail. You cheated on me while I stood outside your door and cried to your sister about how much I loved you. Then you begged me back. Held onto my mom and cried. Then you brokeup with me a week later cause your "too selfish". Your words. Not mine. But then your defenses came out and you couldn't admit to being the one to F it all up so you blamed me. You said all I ever did was want to argue. But truth is, our arguing was the result of YOU not knowing how to communicate. If I didn't like something and expressed it you Blew up. Not me. i don't know how many times I told you not to yell at me and you insisted that you weren't but it was obvious you were. It was annoying. I'd just be quiet to shut you up. I even apologized for things I didn't do wrong to shut you up. You yelled at me in front of my friend twice! I just walked away then you grew even more mad and demanded I get outside so you could yell at me some more. My friends came out because they couldn't believe what the H was going on. I told you I wasn't doing this. You said fine, I'm done then. I said fine. I was too nice. I let you walk all over me. I came to your house to check on you cz you didn't have a ride home. You apologized saying it was your fault. I forgave you. It makes me sick how much of a coward you are that you can't even Admit that you messed up. Your so weak that you have to blame everything on me and vocalize it to our mutal friends. I honestly don't care what they think. I know the truth. I dated you, not them. I'm sure your * * * * ing the skank you cheated with. And thats fine because she's nasty and a loser. Like I said, I'm the best you'll ever do. I know someday you'll realize this and try to talk to me. I'm too freakn' nice and will probably hear you out because I'm not like you. I'm kind and no matter how much someone's hurt me I don't have the heart to watch them suffer. But GOD I hope I don't. Can't wait til you leave this town. How free it will feel to not have to worry about seeing you wherever I go.