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Clio

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Clio last won the day on August 19 2020

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  1. Imo, you need to decide what outcome(s) you are ok with. He is at a phase in his life where guys experiment with all kinds of relationships. He lives in the now. Can you do that without expectations for the long-term? Given that 20s and 40s are very different life stages, there's a higher than average chance that your relationship will run its circle and you will part ways at some point but nothing in life is certain either way. Are you ok with that possible outcome? If yes, then enjoy what you have. What strangers think should play no role in your decision. It's none of their business how you live your life. They are not in your shoes.
  2. You mentioned that he has apologised many times before so no, there is no need to respond again imo. Basically, he is being selfish. This message is an attempt to make himself feel better about whatever self-doubt he may be feeling. If he really cared about YOUR healing, he would not keep opening your wound like that. He would leave you alone so as to heal. He doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to know that contact is NOT helpful for you.
  3. Telling her what she feels and why and what she should do is overbearing. Your beliefs of what there "should be" are just that. Your beliefs. She has told you what the problem is i.e. asking her to be with you was adding a lot of pressure in her life, and she has changed i.e. she is not the person you remember. Imo, what you are feeling is coming from your yearning to go back to a period in your life where things were simpler and happier because you are unhappy with your present. That girl you miss doesn't exist any longer as you remember her. She told you that much. When people tell you who they are, you should believe them. Imo, you should respect her feelings and stop pressuring her regarding getting together romantically. To me it sounds like she doesn't want you to back off from being her friend but she is not interested in getting with you romantically. In fact, if she hasn't been with a man in 10 years (which is most of her adult life) chances are that sexually she prefers men to women. Both of you are probably missing that period in your life that you remember as less complicated and happier but you are no longer the same innocent adolescents that you remember. She HAS changed and so have you. Imo, you need to respect what she told you and stop pressuring her into forming a romantic relationship that she is not comfortable with.
  4. What's wrong with you?????? Seriously! Why are you even considering this guy as a father for your children??????????? It is crystal clear that this guy has the mind of an immature 20 year old and is NEVER going to grow up. He is a Peter Pan type. At 34 he still doesn't live on his own and is so selfish that he refuses to use condoms!!! Chances are that at 31 he got with someone as young as you were at 22 so that he could manipulate you and pull the crap he is currently pulling - crap that a 30 year old woman would NOT tolerate. You seriously need to grow up and drop his ass ASAP or you are going to end up wasting the best years of your life on this bozo OR, even worse, end up as a single mother with a loser ex. It would be utterly irresponsible of you to have a child with this manchild. You owe it to your future children to find a guy who is responsible and dependable. This guy is clearly not it. No guy who refuses to wear condoms is. Seriously, WHAT'S wrong with you to even consider making the father for your children someone who doesn't want them??????????? This makes you unfit for a mother. Don't have children for a few more years please. Based on what you wrote, you still have a lot of growing up to do yourself. His actions scream loud and clear that he DOESN'T want children and that he is too irresponsible to become a father no matter what comes out of his mouth. If you can't see that then you yourself are not ready to become a mother yet.
  5. Imo, no you should not reach out. She broke up with you and blocked you. Meanwhile, two years on there are STILL moments that you miss her, plus you are here posting about her, so no you are not 100% over her. She still holds power over you. This creates an unbalanced emotional dynamic so if you two were ever to start communicating it would not be on an even plane. Imo, nothing good would come of it. Remember, YOU were the one to "approach" her by looking into her IG NOT the other way around. Had you not, she would be carrying on with her life just fine without you, as she chose to do when she broke up with you. The fact that she followed you was probably just a courtesy given that she got to have all the power back then and you didn't create too much trouble for her when she dumbed you. The moment she senses that you are still not over her she will probably be on her way out of your life again. Don't let wishful thinking set you back.
  6. You need to understand that when an ex reaches out, it's not about you, it's all about THEMSELVES. He apologised to make HIMSELF feel better. He contacted you to see whether you are still pining for him to make HIMSELF feel better i.e. He reaches out to make HIMSELF feel better about whatever guilt or void in his life is troubling him and once he feels better he disappears because at the end of the day he doesn't want to be with you, he just wants you there still available as plan B if all else fails. He just hasn't found YET someone more interesting to occupy his mind with. You need to stop taking this kind of contact seriously and focus on the new person you have been seeing, the one who IS interested in you NOW and not in some vague timeline that may never happen and more importantly focus on the one who hasn't OPTED to abandon you and broken your trust. Once they have treated you as disposable they are liable to do it again and again (which is why it's a bad idea to take an ex who has dumped you back). It's YOUR responsibility to protect yourself from being jerked around. The reasons they reach out and then disappear are always selfish and a sign that you should write them off as unreliable flakes and stop allowing them back into your life. Good luck.
  7. I am very sorry about the loss of your child. In my opinion, none of the two men is right for you. As much as you appreciate your husband as a person you are not physically attracted to him and that means that none of you will be happy if you stay in this marriage. How old is your husband? It sounds like you married him based on his capacity to provide financial security and like you may be on different life stages. As for your ex-boyfriend he sounds abusive. After you got pregnant he stopped caring for you and treated you badly. That was before you lost your child so there is no excuse whatsoever for that. Plus, he uses weed to escape from his problems. These are MAJOR red flags that he CANNOT be trusted. Life is hard at time for everyone and he has shown that he is ill equipped to handle difficulties in a healthy manner. Imo, it would be a huge mistake to ever get back with him. The best thing for you would be to learn to stand on your own two feet instead of relying on men to take care of you. Do you have a job? In my opinion, you need to stay single, work on becoming financially independent and once you learn stand on your own two feet, find a new man whom you are genuinely attracted to and who does not neglect you nor mistreat you nor falls off the wagon when life gets tough. Good luck!
  8. Mentioning your sister while you are having sex is out of the norm. Imo, your biggest concern here is that he does NOT seem to think of nor respect your feelings. At all. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that mentioning your sister during sex is hurtful and should be off limits. The fact that he even had the audacity to try it out is a big red flag imo, let alone that he insists on keep doing it. He should have backed off the moment you told him that it hurts you. You need to clearly outline your personal boundaries and then uphold them. Story telling or not, if he insists on things during sex after you explained to him that they hurt your self esteem then you need to drop him.
  9. He was like that when you met him so, imo, you don't have the right to get upset about it. You have every right to uphold your personal boundaries, but resenting him for it when you knew about it right from the get go is not fair imo. It was your informed choice to marry him. You need to reframe your thoughts about it in your mind so that you do/ask him what is right for you without resenting him in the process.
  10. Some nights are kinda exciting 🌃🎉🎆🎈 NIGHT
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