Meriem

I feel terrible today, it's not so much as love for you but the drama and pain I went through in those 2 years with you I hit rock bottom over and over again, I felt like a body with no soul many times when you disappeared or broke up with me before, I go on days being ine thinking I left it all behind me, but the memory and how you made me feel still haunts me sometimes, my head hurts, it's almost like I can't escape from this pain I know it's just a phase and that a year from now I might think that it's ridiculous but right now I feel like life is not for me, I'm not that strong to go through so much heartache & stress, I don't know how to just live happily and be fine anymore All the times you made me feel like nothing, the push and pull hot and cold and how I felt when you got cold is runing through my head, flashbacks of how I felt, how miserable I was I know that without you I'll be better, but I'm still afraid I' afraid of you and how much damage you could cause me, I cut you out of my life but I can't erase you from it, I hope you never try to come back, so that those fears and anxiety will die out

I changed my number I blocked you every where, so I guess right now when I'm talking, I'm only talking to a ghost from the past.. I feel like I have nothing to say to you, you were never the man I made you to be in my mind, you were much much less! About time i took off the rose tinted glasses, but I'm not hurt because you're gone, I'm glad you are I'm relieved that it's over, I'm hurt over the whole roller coaster of relationship and how I let you manipulate and mind game me... I felt so so down and so depressed because of someone who is not worth the gum on my shoes! For so long every time yu disappeared you made me feel like nothing, feel worthless and over and over again I'd think it's me, I did something wrong, I'd text you over and over and you just ignored, you have zero empathy, it angers me so much..That's the hardest part to get over, not you...

^ Right there with you I don't know what to tell my ex, I feel like I don't know him anymore, it's been quite a while but I don't think there's anything I miss, if I get upset I get upset because the rlationship was traumatic to me, the breakup was also traumatic and I suffer sometimes from post trauma, but I think that's it, no looking back, i want a good man, someone new someone who won't hurt me and someone fresh and exciting, your days are goone my friend, go on with yur lif do hatever meet whatever I don't care, cuz I don't think I know who you are, what I kew was someone who wanted me but it turned out that's not you, so whatever boy, go do your thing & I'll do mine.. Days and time will heal I'm sure, and with time I know I'll get to that place where nothing you do could possibly hurt me, never again will you hurt me I won't allow it..

Finally I can be myself and finally I can be happy! Being away from you made me gain all my power back, you were such a negative person being around you was like being around a disease, it sucked all my energ.... yuck, you're boring and you have no sense of humor and you're serious all the time, still really not liking you! Like yesterday...

Hey you, yes you "the ex", I don't think I'm inlove with you anymore I'm falling out of love, and it's happening quickly, and I'm loving it and don't wana jinx it! What was there to love anyway, the way you never cared about me, or the way you were always not there and "busy" or your boring life? Or how we rarely had good conversations and communication, or the pain you caused me by you're idiotic disappearing acts? Have a good life I definetly feel like a stronger person away from you, I feel my self-esteem raise, I feel I can finally be happy, I don't miss the relationship I don't miss how ucomfortable you made me feel, how you made me feel insecure and how you mind controlled me so I'd be on your hook forever, yuck! I don't miss how I was 24/7 anxious and nervous and how you take too long to respond and how you don't stick to your words, I don't miss always wondering if you really love me always wondering if this is the real thing, I don't miss your disgusting ego, I don't miss your poor relationship skills, I don't miss your absent mindness, I don't miss constantly being afraid of you leaving me, I don't miss your presence at all. kthnxbai.

I was having a completley normal day until the thought of starting college again came to my mind, and then I remembered how last semester when you saw me in college you asked for me back, I don't think that will happen again (you better know better! I'm not a doll you can leave then come back to over & over again) but the thought freaked me out, you anywhere near me freaks me out... I guess because I don't 100% trust myself, I know KNOW that I don't want you anywhere in my life, but in the past I've always accepted when you cme back because I was weak & I thought you must really want me if you can't stay away from me, pffft nonesense! You never really wanted me you don't know what you want you think you can come & go whenever you like, but now I think I have enough knowledge and strenghth to keep you out of my life for good, you've done more damage than good

I don't like you now AT ALL, I realized that all you did was play mind games and mind *^*ed me, you knew you had me you knew I was weak and would do anything for you, and you used that, when I look back I can't help but cringe and think what the hell was I thinking?! I accepted things that were NOT acceptable at all, I thought I could never get out of that relationship ever, my world revolved around you I thought you were genuine, when you said you were busy I believed you, when you said your phone had problems I believed you, I was too too too blinded! NO ONE is that busy! No relationship should be like that no relationship should hurt like that! You were playing mind games and just getting your ego stroked thinking youre the hot shot and you're too special and I can't believe I helped contribute to that, ewww! You're not a hotshot, when I was chasing you I was hurt and I was acting out of fear and pain, you don't ever deserve someone like me, and just the thought of you thinking so highly of yourself right now and knowing that a girl like me went after you that much DISGUSTS ME! I can't believe what was I thinking, I was 100% blinded by love and so naive and you shattered my self esteem, I really dislike you I want you as far away from me as possible.. Getting out of he relationship I know exactly what you did in the relationship, you were having fun seeing me idol you (you knew you didn't deserve it at all) you tried your best to be as charming as possible & acted like you were "a catch", that was all fake, that's not who you are you're one insecure boy who can't be himself in a relationship... I suffered alot for you & yo enjoyed that didn't you, seeing how much you could get away with how far you can get out of me, you really broke something in me, because of your disgusting games I was in a dark whole for so long! And now I'm slowly healign and slowly seeing the truth, and the only thign I want is for you to be a thousand miles away from me, never enter my life again, I'm only keeping people who love and care about me seriously, who I can trust and who won't hurt me, bringing you to my life was I wouldn't say a mistake because it taught me so much about myself but it was horrible! I thought I'd be jealous if I knew you were seeing someone, hell no! I feel sorry for the next girl, she'll either see the real you and leave you or she'll see the fake "a charmer/catch" you and she'll go through hell.... I thought your ex was a phycho but that girl is perfectly fine shes a decent nice girl who was ruined by the phycho (and that's you) Wow, I feel so much better lol...

I feel heartbroken all over again, I talked to you today and it served me so much better when I still hated your guts, I don't think you're a nice guy I don't think your bad, but you were terrible to ME, I don't understand you I guess I never will, I feel so much pain, after texting you I went to sleep I just wanted out of this world I'm so sick of this and the relationship, it has changed me in so many ways I never saw the dark side of the world before, I never knew depression or real emotional pain, it hurts so bad and it feels like it's never going to end, two years passed since we first got together, and during so many times in those two years I felt the exact same way I feel now, I feel like I lost hope I have no fight in me I don't wanna push myself to move on I'm sick and tired and I'm hopeless, it's a bad time to be alive, I don't believe in anything

I saw the exes name on twitter, one of my friends @ replied to him, I was like "WHAT? my heart skipped a beat then I quickly scrolled down, I can proudly say, I never checked his, facebook or twitter since the breakup and every now and then I see his name on twitter I feel "damit why did I see that" but my day continues normally and soon I forget about it.. You don't deserve any mental energy I wasted on you, there's no point in thinking about anything that happened between us cuz it's in the past and it's totally pointless to think about it, thinking about it has done me nothing . NOTHING (excet maybe realize how foolishly I let you treat me badly! AND MADE ME REALISE I'M BETTER OFF) So yes, I'd rather spend my mental energy on something productive, goodbye you not so special guy, you're nothign new, ordinary! And there are SO many people out there better than you, who will actually realize what they got when they get me and won't ever lose me