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PrettyGood

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About PrettyGood

  • Birthday 05/25/1984

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  1. I hate you b.tch and still I have a secret hope that you will contact me once more when I asked you to remove my contacts and get out of my life. It's just the stupid side of my personality - that loving, hopeless, desperate which you were always abused for your comfort. I forgave myself for being this person, but I hate you from the bottom of my heart.
  2. I hate you today for your stubbornness or maybe that you are so careless about me. Times is passing by so slow and I feel like I'm not living but only existing. I'm doing all my daily activity like a robot and then I return home. Every evening I think of you. I've noticed that you're adding new girls to your friendlist. Maybe you started dating again or going to clubs, or maybe meeting them and going for coffee, or riding a bike... I have no idea, but I'm so damn jealous for them. I hate you that you haven't put so much effort into our relationship as you're putting your effort to get acquainted to new girls. I'm so sad and disappointed of you. I hate you.
  3. I think of you all day long today and it makes me sad. It's like doing my ordinary stuff, keeping myself busy, listening to music and still hearing the argument between you and me in my head. I know you're too stubborn to contact me. I know I will not contact you either just to destroy the last hope or be rejected once more. And the thing I want you to say is that you are a fool. You're a such stupid man, going after your stubborn temper, not listening to your heart, not paying any attention to your feelings and emotions. I'm living a live hell here in my heart. I had such a wonderful day today and I don't even have a chance to sit next to you, embrace you like always and to tell about my happiness. I hate you for being so stubborn. I know you're not sleeping tonight. You never sleep at such late night. You're probably reading a book or playing those computer games like every day you did with me. And of course you're thinking of me, but you just try to resist those thoughts, pretending that your deed breaking up with me will pass like ordinary thing, that you will resist not to contact me, that tomorrow you will meet your friends and you will do your leisure stuff or go to work. I try to believe that you will not return to your ex and will not find a new girl so fast, because I know you told me you're faithful. I know it's difficult for you to fall in love and I know you haven't had so many lovers. I hope that withing a week or within a month you will return to me, because your family tells you what stupid thing you did to leave me. I want to be with you so much you can't imagine. And you're always in my mind and I believe I'm in your mind now too... I'm just so sad that you're so stubborn to contact me and say sorry, to say that it was another mistake when we misunderstood each other, that the argument was stupid, that you hate me for my stupid behavior and at the same time you miss me and want to make love with me again. I hate you for meeting you, because I love you now and you can't do anything about it now.
  4. Well it's not the letter I would like to send him (even if I have such a strong feeling to write him something cute and short), but these are just thoughts running in my head since yesterday. Like a mini conversation in my head with him: "Hi baby, how are you? I just wanted to know I really miss you a lot. You've been so silent these days since you called me last time. When was it? A week ago? What were you doing during this week? Did you get back with your ex? Do you live together now? I hate you so much for being such b...h with me. Why can't you just be with one woman at the time? You say you love me, but you always spend time with other. I feel that. On the other hand you would be a little bit sad (like always when you don't get attention from me), missing me. At least you would write me a short message saying that you miss me. But you don't. Does that mean that you don't miss me and just pretended all this time? I really hope you will write me soon. In a week or so. And say that you're still waiting for me coming to visit you on Christmas. Everything would be perfect. I would make it perfect. But what if you won't contact me at all? What if it would be the silent treatment? Silent "goodbye" to everything we had? What if it's the end? If you're testing if I write you and decide that I don't care about you? I need you to write me something or to call me. I want to hear your voice. I think of you every day. I dream of you. When I get the message from the unknown phone number I always hope it's from you (or someone I loved more than you). But it never happens. And there's one more day without your messages. I'm living in total silence and hope that in time I WILL find someone else. That it's worth waiting and that man will be much more special than you. He will NEVER betray me. NEVER. So why am I still thinking of you and can't let you go away? I'm strong not to write you today, but what about tomorrow? Will I be strong enought to hold myself from writing you? I want to be strong. First time in my life. And you need to love me the way I am. At least I need to stay strong first time in my life and stay like this forever. I love you and I miss you."
  5. The last day Well I didn't write here for a current time, so I want to add that I decided to end this trial of NC. My tactic of NC was to return my boyfriend to me, which I have left. It was very successful. He returned to me, gave me a 1 week trial to live with him at his home and now I'm living with him all the further time. I changed my living place permanently. Conclusion: The NC method is the best way to get your self-confidence back, to become perfect as you were before your friendship, to understand your personal life values and priorities from the beginning. But it's never good method to return your boyfriend as I've done now. Yes, it's lucky to do it, but I can asure, that you will regret it later. I returned him, living with him and still see how much I have changed myself thought this NC time and he remained the same with that his horible habits, which he doesn't want to change. So decide what effect do you want from NC method first. Then do actions.
  6. Day 33 Yesterday we had some arguments. I still couldn't understand how men can make love with other women so suddenly, so I was peeling him like a grapefruit about that girl. Did he love her? Why did he make love? What did he thought about me when did it? And etc... These questions made him so mad about it! He didn't understand why can't I stop asking him these "silly" (was it silly? I thought it's normal) questions. Sure, he didn't say any answers, only that he met her on dating site and then went to a date and made love (don't know the same evening or others). Also he betrayed that it wasn't only one girl he made love. But when saw my popped up eyes, he changed his minds, that it was the only one and he was joking. Oh my god, on today he promised to say the answer, will we live together from this week at his house or not. "Yes" ir "No" - I'm afraid to hear any of these answers, cause I'm in doubt what will happen if we will have a quarrel or what if he dump me with other girl? From this situation it depends that I should give back the renting house keys to the owner. I'm afraid to appear in the street without a home with these idiotic minds how he's making love with another girls.
  7. Day 32 I remembered one event about yesterday. When I sat into his car, I saw a "smiley" drawn on the dusty front car panel. I asked "Who draw it?" (it looked very girlish) he told me that he don't remember, but lately when we were almost at home, I erased this dusty drawing with my hand and he began shouting on me "Why did you done it, idiot?! It was very important for me! Everytime I sat into my car I saw this smiley and felt happier!". Firstly I thought that he's joking, so I began laughing and telling him "Ok, understood, stop it, it's not funny." Unfortunaly he wasn't joking. He didn't talked to me, only was angry that I done it all the later morning till we went to sleep. He even didn't tell me that he missed me or didn't embraced me.
  8. Day 29-31 It was long long weekend, when I had no chance to have a rest. I was in a seminar far away from him. The problem was that he didn't want to talk to me by phone, asked to show on Skype. On midnight after the seminar I appeared on Skype, but he wasn't intended to chat to me either. And lately, I returned yesterday 3a.m. in the morning, I asked him to drove me home. But he was so angry on me, he began charging me for any my word, complaint that I don't understand him and that I'm not changed person. I was astonished. Everytime when I tried to tell him any notice about his bad words for me or actions or even to mention that he's not showing me attention, even avoid embracing me, he becomes to some unnatural being which doesn't understand me what I'm talking about.
  9. Day 28 We had a perfect week living together. I could say we're back together, but I'm still in doubt. Before we back, he slept with another woman, and I read a lot of lovely sms messages from his phone, how he's traiting her. So I still don't know do he love her or even do they still corresponding sometimes. This week was his trial week given for me to live together to see what happens. It was perfect, I did everything I could, we even made love much times. But today I have to leave, because I have a lot of work till the end of this weekend. So when I return, I planned to return to my home, but he asked - "Don't you want to return to my home?" He say that if I'll be a "good girl" (what a *** ?) we will live together. However, I'm still thinking a lot how could he make love so suddenly with another girl when we were separated as a couple. He's telling me that all information about that girl is not my business. But if he has a secret, then it means, that he's not very honest with me right, guys? Or does it mean that another girl is really not my business?
  10. Day 27 Everything is almost fine nowadays. By the way, some people doesn't understand me how can I communicate with my ex if it's NC method. Well, I'm using it to get back my ex to me. And now I'm living for this week at his house. It's his trial period given to me. So I think I will end this NC test, if after this week he will suggest to live at his home forever. I will find it out the next week. And till now I want to tell about yesterday. All the day we haven't any quarrels. He was playing his computer games. It's like some mania, but it's his biggest hobby. The only sad thing is that he lead me to bed yesterday, told me goodbye, kissed me with a French kiss and then returned to play his computer games (!) I promised not to complain for his hobbies, so when he closed the bedroom door, all the evening I listened to relaxing music. It's sad when men doesn't want to make love or sleep with women, but give all their spare time for their biggest hobby.
  11. Well the section of "No Contact" in forum is called "Getting back together". So I understand that NC must be used to get back together by NC method or not get back. I'm trying to get back. And it's my improvement time when getting back together.
  12. Day 26 Today I want to update some information about Day 25 (yesterday), when he asked me to live with him for a week. So the evening was without quarrels. All the time, he was playing his computer games. I was sitting next to him, embracing him, kissing him, saying that I love him. He wasn't so fondle. He just asked me why am I looking at him like asking something, smiled to me, kissed several times to my lips and embraced. But it was just a reply to my actions, not his personal attempt. We drank a wine a little bit, but without a toast. Lately I went to bathroom, washing naked and he came to me. He tried to come several times when I was with clothes, but went out. So he began kissing me, etc. But lately stopped and went out again. And finally I went to his bed. He told me "Good night", kissed me and went out of his room to continue playing his computer games. I hoped the best, but it was my worst moment. He left me lying alone, so what was his kissing games in the bathroom? I woke up early in the morning, but he still wasn't in my bed. So I went to look out for him. He was still playing games and chatting. Lately, he came to my bed, but didn't kiss me, even didn't embrace me, so I felt so cold. Later I went to my job, he was sleeping, but before I was gone, he gave me one more kiss. Today he's romantic again. Sending kiss and missings through Skype. Told me that yesterday we misunderstood each other. Ok... then we will see what will happen this evening. I'm afraid to tell someone that we're trying to glue this friendship again, because it can be too early to joy.
  13. Day 25 Yesterday he came to me and suggested to live for a while at his home on this Tuesday to see how much I changed as personality. But late yesterday's evening he wrote me on Skype: "Can you come tomorrow?". I have asked him "For how long?". And he replied: "Several days or more... I don't know, it depends on our communication and yours behaviour". So today evening I'm going to his home. The whole evening I thought how to make a brand new impression of myself for him. I thought to make a supper, to play music, to give a massage, but he told me that he will be playing computer games, so I shouldn't hope for any romance. Well, how can I show changed myself then?
  14. Day 24 He was late, but he came to my house to visit me as promised. Well I was prepared for the worst. He was arrogant as always, acting happy. I gave him warm embrace and he told me this: "You know, when yesterday I told you that I miss you, I didn't miss you as today. Seems that today when I saw you I missed you more than ever". I suggested him coffee, but he rejected, survey my things (what do i have what is not mine). Then used my interned and listened to my asking to return. Well he repeated me the same: "I want it, but I'm afraid". Ok then I embraced him and he told me that if he won't change his minds, he will take a holiday on next week and suggest me to live with him for a week. And then he will decide do he want to have a friendship with me or not. Later he game me a big sweet pear, told me good bye and drove home.
  15. Day 22 (yesterday) I took a day of holiday in my job, because I was tired of business. Also I was strong enough to cope with my loneliness being alone. Well not very alone I went to 2 dates today Cute? Yes, I know. Finally I met my best friend (girl) and made a drinking party till 3a.m. in the morning at my home. My ex didn't appeared and didn't write me. Day 23 (today) After the perfect Friday evening I slept till 3p.m. and woke up with deep headache Firstly I was woken up by a phone call of one of my dates. I didn't replied, because felt sleepy to talk. But later I got one more message from my EX. I didn't understand what he wanted. He asked what I'm doing, told me that he's thinking to go out to have a lunch in town. I asked him "Is it a some suggestion for me or just a proposition?". He said "I don't know, what do you think?" I told him that if he's asking me to have a lunch together, I can come, because I haven't a breakfast yet". And then he wrote me "Oh, I think it's too early to have a lunch, I'll think about it" (early on 3 p.m.???!!!! ) Ha ha, what a silly boy, he was afraid by his suggestion, so I wrote that it's his business to think, and I'll have my breakfast as soon as possible, so it will be too late to suggest it later. He didn't write me anything more then. Update: He didn't come, so I asked him what's happening (he promised to come). He told me that after the party he's suffering from diarrhoea. I asked him why he didn't noticed me then? He didn't tell me any explanation, only that he will come to see me tomorrow. I asked - "Do you have something to tell me positive?". And here he told me "Everything belongs on you". How to understand? Well he said that "Everything belong on your reaction, when he will tell me something." OMG! I felt worse again. I frightened me. What's next? Will he tell me a new story about his broken life, new lady, child or travel to UAE again? I CAN'T CARRY IT ANYMORE! How could I hear his bad news with a calm heart and minds? Please suggest me some variants, because I'm very nervous.
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