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WadeCure

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About WadeCure

  • Birthday 11/25/1981

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  1. I hope everyone's doing well. Stick with NC guys. You'll make it through. I'll be praying for you guys. On Day 31, one day after I completed this thing my ex contacted me, it'll be a week tomorrow since she contacted me, asking "hey, how are you?" in an e-mail to my work account. I didn't respond, still haven't responded, and I won't respond. Right now I'm battling emotions of what her intentions were by contacting me. Was she just concerned for me? Was she looking for friendship? Was she trying to keep the option of reconciliation alive? I don't know. Regardless, I felt by contacting her I'd give her power. I read Dave's "Signs Signs Everywhere There's Signs" thread and I think that in all likelihood she was checking that I was still there and looking for a boost of her own ego. Guys keep praying for me. I'm keeping NC. But God it's hard. I refuse to give her power.
  2. In case anyone is curious. It's Monday and no I haven't broken NC. I got that "Hey, how are you?" e-mail, and immediately discarded it. I haven't heard from her since. Good.
  3. SHE BROKE CONTACT. Just got an e-mail, "Hey, how are you?" NOT RESPONDING. Too much progress to ignore it all. Guys keep me from contacting back.
  4. Final Report II What I've learned in my own case First of all the question is, do I still love my ex? Yes I do. Don't want to, but I do. Do I still harbour hopes of us getting back together? My mind does not, but my heart does. The difference between my mind and my heart is this - my mind knows that this relationship was entirely wrong for me, and in my present state it most definitely is wrong for me, and it knows that my heart wants her back for entirely the wrong reasons. Simply put, my heart would rather have the wrong stuff than no stuff. Three or four weeks prior to the actual break up when I was contemplating leaving her, when I told my Dad this, he said the unbelievable thing of "if you leave her you may never find another girl." He brought up the example that I had never had a girlfriend until 24. All this spirit breaking stuff. I'm trying to not believe what my Dad told me. Would I get back together with her if she asked me back? As much as it would destroy my heart, I would not. I'm 26 years old, I want something mature, and I don't feel I got that with my ex. My needs were not met in this relationship, I don't think. But what if she made significant change? Well all indication is that she won't. When I heard that she started to hang out with her horrible awful friend again, I knew then and there that she had made a colossal downgrade. My fear is that I'm telling myself a fib and that if that really were to happen I would succumb to the longing in my heart and accept her back. To do that would discredit the significant progress that I made since NC began. I'm not the same person that I was when I dated her. I'm a lot better. God made me a lot better. I can't ignore that. A great example of the progress: When I was with my ex, I was very shy, I wouldn't play drums in front of people. I would go to Guitar Center and want to play drums but people would be around so I wouldn't do it. Last Sunday in front of about 500 people, I played drums in front of people. That's a huge step forward for me. I plan on continuing NC forever. Even if she contacts me or tries to. I sincerely doubt that she will because the last time I talked to her the last two things I said were "please don't ever talk to me again" and "I asked you not to talk to me please respect that." She waived her rights to me when she rejected me. She relinquished all of that. SuperDave put it best in his wonderful No Contact For Dummies e-book: "they forefeited their privileges at the door the moment they said goodbye." A lot of people are able to be friends with an ex. When I take a look at myself (and I feel bad for this, really bad) I don't think I am able to do that. I wouldn't be able to handle being around them when she is with another person. It would break my heart. So I don't think it's possible for me and my ex to have a friendship for a couple of years maybe sad to say, and I feel guilty and awful for that - but I don't want to hurt and I have to look out for me. I don't feel ready to date yet. I probably wont for a couple of months. There's so much in my life I have to get in order. I don't know where I am going to live, what job I'm going to have, or anything. I keep praying for direction and relying that I will get some direction from above. In the meantime I take it day by day. There's going to be times where I will feel bad, I know this. But each day I hope it lessens and eventually it will go away entirely. Thanks everyone for listening.
  5. Final Report I I've completed the challenge. I'm now 31 days NC according to the challenge (and about 40 not including the challenge). First of all, want to say thanks to SuperDave (this challenge was a brilliant idea that has helped myself and I'm sure countless others, it's wonderful to have this online 'support group' for NC) and thanks to everyone here for their support of me throughout this time. So first of all I'll go ahead and give my advice to those of you doing NC, what I've done to make it go easier and be more effective. What I've learned and can share for the No Contacters 1) Do this for you. Do not use this as a tool to get your ex back. It might (and that's the keyword: might) happen as a byproduct, but it should not only be not your primary focus, not your secondary focus, but it shouldn't be in any focus at all. There are absolutely no guarantees and it probably is very unlikely that your ex will return - so burn it in your head that your ex is not coming back. Do NOT do this for the sole reason to get your ex back. If you do this, you will miss the whole point of NC, which is to advance yourself, strengthen yourself, and become a thousand times better than you were during your relationship with your ex and even before your relationship with your ex. If you do this for the sole reason to get your ex back, regardless of the outcome, you will fail. So don't even think about a reconciliation. 2) Realize the following statement is true: when one door closes, another opens. Start focusing on the following statement. Say this to yourself: I will love again, one day, and the love I will have will be just as good if not better than the ex. If your relationship was a bad one, remember it is better to be in no relationship and have options than to be in the wrong one and not have options. 3) Realize you are not solely to blame for the relationships failure. Most of the time the reason relationships fail in my view is a lack of communication or communication issues. In my case for example I was expected to be a mindreader and just pick up on clues that she was unhappy, she never came out and said it. This is an unrealistic expectation. Had she come out and said it, I would have fixed the problem immediately. If you didn't know, then you are not entirely to blame because you weren't informed. PERIOD. It's not 100% your fault, no matter what your ex says to you or the way he/she feels. 4) Exercise. Even if you don't feel like it. You'll be surprised at what jogging around your city/town will do for your mood. It'll elevate it quite a bit. I've lost 15-20lbs since my break up, and I'm in great shape. You can do the same. If you can get your physical body in good working order, your mind will also lift up. 5) New hobbies. Add new hobbies, hobbies that challenge you and require you to exert some physical or mental force. It will take your mind away from the problems. I took up mountain biking and I'm loving it so far! 6) Don't be alone! Hang with family or friends. If this is not possible right now, immerse yourself in #5. The point is, do whatever you can to distract yourself from thoughts of your ex. Last... and most important. 7) GOD. If you don't have a relationship with God, I encourage you to learn more about Jesus Christ and what He did to save us all. My relationship with God has been fully restored as a result of the break up, and I can tell you first hand that relying on Him is the best thing you could possibly do. I'm a thousand times better than I was, and I owe everything to God. For those of you who think that hope is gone, remember Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
  6. Day 30 Today is the final day of the challenge. She won't contact me today and that's fine. Tomorrow I'll write up a full report of all the stuff I've learned to share with others going through the NC period. Last night I went and played drums for my church's youth group which seemed to go well. After that I had to drive about 30 or so miles back to my home, and on the way back negative thoughts just hit me like an avalanche. I mean it was probably one of the worst tidal waves of negative thinking I had since the break up occurred. I prayed and asked friends for prayer in helping to overcome it. I asked God to help me remember all of the bad times of the relationship and I think that prayer was answered because without much effort I was able to recall a lot of things that really upset me about my ex. There's a lot of stuff out there that I can criticize my ex over. Despite this, I'm trying my best not to rehash the past. I know it wasn't a good relationship. There's a ton of reasons why it wasn't.
  7. Day 29 Today kinda sucks, sorta. Last night I thought about her and I felt almost nothing (woohoo! I take that as a sign of great progress.) This morning on the way to work I felt kinda bad. One more day in the challenge. There's a lot that I have learned in the past 30 days. I look forward to getting it all down. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. I realize that even though this challenge ends tomorrow I've still got a long way to get out of the "wilderness" and into the "promised land," but I'm hoping that the "getting over the ex" portion of the "wilderness" is significantly lessened. So far it's been better than I hoped though I'm sure setbacks are coming. I'm trusting God throughout all of this.
  8. Jay it's very cool. I'll keep you in my prayers. Stay off her MySpace at all costs. Do whatever you can to get your mind off of it. You'll make it man.
  9. Day 28 Doing good. I've decided that I'm going to operate under the assumption that my ex is seeing someone else right now regardless if it's true or false. Because it is very true that in her past that she had the tendency to jump into new relationships extremely quickly. The reason that I'm doing this is to go ahead and purge the emotions of "she's with someone else" out of my system for when and if the day were to come that I did find out, the sting wouldn't nearly be as hard. Right now those thoughts do not hurt because (and I know this is going to sound arrogant and tooting my own horn but I have good reason to believe this given her past and her colossal downgrade as of late and plus any self esteem boost I can give myself I will) I know whoever she dates I'm leagues above in terms of kindness. I think this is the final step that I need to take in order to make my ex irrelevant and thus be 100% healed and ready for whatever is next. The next two days should be a cinch. I owe all of my progress to God. I know I'll be better than ever soon.
  10. Day 25,26,27 Doing GREAT. I have to praise God for my progress. Yesterday I felt almost 100% healed, almost. Almost. God has taken me unbelievably far and I'm living proof that prayer is the best medicine in healing with a break up and dealing with the negative thoughts that enter your mind. Friday evening I spent a lot of time with a great friend of mine that I made at work and we discussed our Christian faith and our theology with each other quite a bit and the differences between denominations. It was very awesome to see a Methodist and a Baptist agree that we are both brothers and of the same family. On Saturday I felt pretty miserable. Won't lie here. I was obsessing over my ex quite a bit on Saturday. I went out biking around town but couldn't do it much because of being so out of it with depressive thoughts. I wound up that day just laying around reading and praying. Yesterday was UNBELIEVABLE. Praise God it was awesome, it was really really awesome. It's amazing how far you can progress with God on your side. I went from being very timid and shy, wanting to try to play drums that I was interested in purchasing at the Guitar Center in the city but not wanting to because there were others around, to playing in front of... oh 500 people at Church yesterday. Dunno how I did but everyone says I did awesome. Regardless I'm really proud of myself for 1) playing in front of not only people but a lot of people, 2) being able to at least do alright given I didn't know the songs very well and we only did a quick once through, and most importantly 3) being able to use my talents to praise God with. Lots of people came up to me yesterday and told me I did a great job which felt awesome. I'm definitely going to do this full time and I feel like I've found a home in this Church. Three more days left in this challenge and I know I can do it. Thank God I've made it this far and so well. Everyone here can do it too. Just put your faith in God and it will happen. Remember... the best is yet to come. You may think your ex was the best, but he/she is not - or at least not in their current state (that is if you get back together down the road, but that's not what you shouldn't be focusing on, instead focus on God and He'll take care of the rest.) One day you will find the best. Just be patient and remember what the Lord says.
  11. Dani, definitely continue to rely on prayer. I'm glad to hear you are coming to terms with your faith. I know that my postings appear extremely religious in nature but before my break up back mid August I was also disconnected from the "Higher." After the break up I started to pray. The results of looking and seeking something bigger than myself in my case has been unbelievably transformative. To say I'm not the same person I was when I was together with my ex is an understatement. While I still suffer setbacks, I still suffer depression, having a constant Ally that you can talk to anytime about anything really helps and that Ally will answer if you trust (or at least try your hardest to trust) and continually lean. Your faith will be a big asset in the journey ahead. It may not be the end all be all and fix everything all at once, heaven knows I'm far from 100% healed, but it makes things a lot easier. I'll be offline this weekend but I'll have a three day report on Monday. I wish everyone the best of luck this weekend, I will be praying for each of you, remember you are strong, you can make it through it - keep your eyes fixed on the larger scheme of things, and realize that the potential for something better down the road is nearly guaranteed. For the spiritual, again I quote this very important verse: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God Bless you all and thanks to everyone who has read my postings, it means a lot. Know that even though I may not respond particuarly to you, I've read what you've said and I'm your ally and if you ever need to talk one on one, I'll listen just shoot me a PM.
  12. You will make it ccali. Many of us have broken NC. If you are spiritual, I highly suggest prayer. God will help you. He promised it, in fact remember this when you feel like you are destined to be unhappy. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Pray on this, and I promise you will be taken good care of.
  13. Day 24 Morning everyone I hope everyone is doing well. Six days left in the NC challenge for me. Want to say thanks everyone here for their support and for Dave starting this challenge, it's been extremely beneficial to myself and thank God for you guys. I truly wish everyone the best and if anyone wants to talk PM and I'll gladly answer. Anyway as for me, I'm depressed this morning and would appreciate everyone's prayers. The thing is, and this is the truth of the situation, when this break up happened I decided to choose the high road. I chose to progress, not regress. I chose to upgrade, not downgrade. I want to be better than I ever was and have a future brighter than it ever was. Unfortunately, the high road is an uphill one it seems, more difficult than regression and taking the "easy way." But I'm hoping and trusting that at the end of the uphill climb that I can say it was all worth it, that I came out better than I ever was and that there's no way I would trade where I'm at with where I was. I'm already at the point anyway where I wouldn't trade where I'm at with where I was, even though I'm suffering some depression right now, because I feel like the road that I'm on will lead to just where I hope it will. Yesterday, I was at the bookstore in another town and I noticed a girl that I thought was very cute and my type. It felt good that, yes I can be attracted to someone else. So that's a very positive thing. As for my ex, by what I've heard she has taken the colossal massive low road. It's really unbelievable what a low road she has taken. Sometimes you can tell someones character by who they hang around with. To say I'm better off is an understatement. I'm very much better off and I avoided what was inevitably going to be a painful divorce with possibly children involved. Thank God for that. As I said yesterday, this choice solidified 100% our chances of getting back together in my view as 0%, even though I'm still in pain and my heart misses her, loves her still, and is still broken over it. I just cannot put myself in that situation. Instead, I choose to progress. I'm a little bit upset at my friend who did the whole "Irene's daughter" thing (not the friend who revealed the information of my ex taking the super uber massive low road), when I found out about the supermassive low road my ex taken I called my friend upset and left a voicemail. I didn't get so much as a text message back and it's Thursday. My friend has always been somewhat flaky and unreliable sometimes. Though usually he has been reliable. Oh well. I'll keep praying. God will make things right, I'm convinced. Just gotta make it through the wilderness.
  14. Day 23 Wow... just wow. Unbelievable. After yesterday's bruhaha with "Irene's daughter," I decided to call my friend back and tell him that I would appreciate if there were no more mentions of her, not even in a coy way like that. I didn't get a hold of him, but I did get a hold of another friend of mine. His advice was the same, "tell him not to tell you anything about her, no information whatsoever." RIGHT AFTER he said that, guess what happened? This friend who just told me this, GAVE ME MORE INFORMATION. The information I got was... wow. Holy moly. I posted a while back here on ENA about my ex being accused of cheating on me. I don't remember specifically what I wrote but there was a person involved in this who divulged the cheating info to me, her ex-best friend. My ex's ex-best friend is, to put it very bluntly, a scumbag - not a good person whatsoever in the least. Nonetheless, after that whole fiasco my ex and her ex-best friend had a unbelievable falling out. After the falling out, my ex would tell me every horrible scummy thing her ex-best friend did, insisted and agreed she was a scumbag, etc etc. After my ex and I broke up this last time, my friend and I speculated as to what would happen to my ex. I said she would move back home. He said her and her ex-best friend would start hanging out again. "NO" I thought, "surely this wouldn't happen after all of that, after she was accused of cheating by this person, after all the scumbag things this person did, etc." Well... my friend told me yesterday THEY ARE HANGING OUT AGAIN. Unbelievable. I'm blown away. Immediately the logical side of me says, "she has made a colossal downgrade, she went the (unbelievably) low road while I took the high road, i am way better off without her." But still, being in NC (that means total no information), my heart broke. I have a battle with my mind vs. my heart. My mind knows that I'm better off without her, but my heart misses her and wish she wasn't this way. After the conversation I cried and called two good friends of mine who gave me great spiritual counseling. I called my friend back and although he great intentions by telling me this (and yes, I am most definitely better off and this is an insurmountable roadblock to her getting me back if in the unlikely case she ever was to want me back someday) I told him no more information about it. He was okay with it and understood. Now I know in my mind that I'm far better off without my ex. The hard part is making my heart align with my head. All I know to do is pray.
  15. Day 22 Got contacted by the ex... well not really. But she passed along information to me through my friend. She passed along about the job openings that my company is having in the area that I am thinking about going to. I wish my friend never told me this. When I asked him where he heard it he said, "Irene's (that's her Mother) daughter wanted me to pass it to you." At which point I was like @#$%. I knew then and there my overanalytical brain would kick in. Sure enough it did. "oh boy she's thinking of me! she wants me to be in the area! oh boy!" My logical brain says that's all bull so I'm not giving into that. I just prayed that I could stop overanalyzing and ignore this. Right now I'm in an okay state of mind. I wonder if I should call my friend back and tell him again, "remember she doesn't exist, if she passes along stuff to me, don't tell me it's from her, and don't be coy and say "Irene's daughter."" Just say something else, anything. 8 more days left on this challenge, and today marks the one month since we last had our face to face confrontation in which I was rejected. Guess I'm doing fine. I really want to move on.
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